YAY! Feedback for Feedback!

Onto yours right now! I apologize for my delay!

Okay. So I've just finished reading the first few chapters of your book. Here are some of my thoughts and impressions as I was reading.

FIRST THOUGHTS AND IMPRESSIONS:

• Really ominous beginning, I get the feeling something bad happened but I don't know what yet. Now, I'm curious to find out....

• Hmm why are they all huddled by a fire? Are they not able to make shelters for themselves?

• What is this 'End' everyone is talking about? Curious...

• Do they have to be outside if that's cold and foggy? Why is it so foggy in the first place? Some nuclear event? Many, many, questions!

• Man, it seem like they are all sad, depressed, and have nothing to do but to struggle to survive.

• Man it sounds like they are living in a rough world

• I wouldn't be able to survive in a world like that.

• The details on the characters are pretty on point, I can feel person has a distinct look and personality.

• I feel like I can feel the dirt and grime off the pages, that's how apocalyptic the setting feels right now.

• This kinda reminds me of the tv show The Leftovers, especially when Ruby talks about leaving her bf and feeling like there was no point to it. One of the characters in the tv show the Leftovers has an affair and they lose that person after a similar cataclysmic event and they feel like there was no point to it, there was a kind of of grief from it too like Ruby.

OVERALL THOUGHTS FOR EVERYTHING:

The writing descriptions for each character is perfect. It really gives you an idea of what each character look like. They all had a distinct look and sound in my mind while I reading. The nicknames were also perfect, I feel like it really showed just how damaging this 'End' was on the minds of the survivors. The line you said were they said their old names were no longer of use was just PERFECT. It was the chef's kiss and I really liked that line because it added to the dark, grim, rough imagery in my mind.

As a reader I really got the feel that whatever 'The End' was, it truly changed the world and in the people in it forever. Another thing I liked, was the way you use charged words with sharp imagery like 'they huddled like maggots' and 'a skeleton of what was' really added to that dark uncomfortable end of the world imagery you were going for. I also liked how you could see each of the characters had unique personalities and yet you could still tell their minds and hearts were damaged. I liked too how some of them still had such a chaotic humor which helped to lighten the load of the heaviness in each chapter, so I appreciated that.

With that being said, I would say the biggest thing I noticed was that there wasn't much details on the setting. You described them sitting around a makeshift bonfire but I could not really picture where they were. Are they in open field? Are they in an abandoned lot? Or where they next to some area where there was broken debris? I know you mentioned the metal pipes, but I was little lost on where those were coming from. I would also mention the chapters are short, which made it a little hard to ground myself on what was happening because the next chapter either continues from before or just jumps scenes and that also made it a little hard to recognize the setting.

Another thing I would mention is that some of the formating of the chapters are little far too spaced out which makes it a little hard to read at times. I also noticed some grammatical errors here and there along with some weird sentence structure. I would also say, as much as I was starting to enjoy the characters in 'The Group' I also noticed there were a lot of character names for the first chapters and it was just a little bit hard to keep up with so many characters and then to introduce another character just made me a little confused is all.

So, final thoughts? Well, while apocalyptic stories aren't really my kind of tea, I think this story already has so much potential! You do an awesome job of using emotional charged words and descriptive imagery to create a world that is unique and dark, and with some polishing of the setting, some of the grammar, and the character introductions it will be even better.

Hey there! I would love to do a feedback for feedback! And no, I actually haven't completed my work yet, since my main focus was on the other book I'm actually almost done with, and here's my book Tempest and Temptation. I'll be checking out yours today!

Of course! Let me know if you need any clarification about anything I mentioned.

Okay! I just finished reading your book, and here are my first impressions and feedback:

First Impressions:

• I love the first line, 'Is it me, or is my imagination running wild for whatever things I think you would do here?' Really gives me an ominous feeling. I don't know who's speaking but I can tell there's something strange going on..

• This line, 'A whisper ran through a girl's headspace as she suffocated over the classroom'. I feel the details make it a powerful descriptive line as the words 'suffocated' give it a charged feeling---but, the sentence structure is worded a little weirdly. It's a bit hard for me as a reader to understand what you are trying to communicate in this line.

• Interesting world building so far. Makes me wonder what is 'New World'

• Yikes could you imagine having a demon thing inside of your head at all times? I could never---

• The details are well done I can good a picture of the character, Cynthia, so far

• World building is interesting but also still kinda complex for me.

• There is no conflict in this world? Well that makes for a very interesting world to explore as a reader

• So if Rin and Cynthia are daughters of Gods, then why do they have to go to school? I'd imagine if I were a god's child I wouldn't ever concern myself with school education since I basically created the knowledge humans are learning

• Oh, so the school is not like a regular school they have to learn stuff that is like magic but is just advanced science maybe?

OVERALL THOUGHTS

The writing is pretty good. You have a really good grasp of writing character descriptions. You also do a stellar job of world building! Like man, the world building in just the few chapters is absolutely creative and unique! I really love the way you built up a completely new world on the pages. Even the character backstories and details are well thought out and carefully crafted within the backdrop of this mystical futuristic world.

Also, I love the way you introduced some really fascinating concepts such as Gods, Humans, and Demons co-mingling together in a highly futuristic fantastical setting. The setting and world building alone really forces you to think about the type of world we live in today and think philosophically about what if this happened to us. I also really liked the idea of Mystical Arts.

With that being said, I would say as awesome the world building was it was also very packed in my opinion. There were a lot of concepts and world building things that were introduced too quickly. I was still trying to get to used to the world I was reading about and then there was more and more concepts being added I kinda got a little lost between when did the Neo Humans begin and what was in the past and what was currently going on.

I think as a reader, I was feeling a little bit overwhelmed from all the information.

In the first few chapters, you have to be careful not to overwhelm your readers with too much plot or you'll risk doing what's called a Plot Dump. A plot dump is when you essentially give so much information about character's backstories or the world building that readers get confused.

With something as deep as a science fiction book like this you have to do a really careful job of introducing new concepts and giving world building concepts without overwhelming the reader.

For you book, the world is SO fascinating and I love it! But I was also a little bit confused because there so many moving parts and then as each chapter went on, before I could ground myself there was more and more information about the history, the characters, and so forth.

So? I would really recommend gradually giving readers pieces of the world or characters backstories only when it is needed to progress the plot.

For example, say a character has to pull some legendary stone out of a rock. In a scene like this, it would be beneficial and necessary to explain how and why the sword is there. Also, you might want to give a small tidbit on how or why the character's background makes them perfect to pull the sword. So, you might mention the sword is there by special magic and then you could explain how that special magic works. Then you might talk about how the character is son of a demigod and has always know they'd have to pull out this sword. But before this scene, it would be best to withhold this world building and some character information because it would not be necessary to give this information to readers until this very scene.

As for the grammar, I would say you are already a excellently skilled writer. You understand how to use powerful word and use the details to create descriptive images, but, I would say the structure of the sentences were often awkward or strange. Also, some words were used ineffectively. Take for example:

'A whisper ran through a girl's headspace as she suffocated over the classroom'.

A line like this would be a powerful descriptive way of showing how much her thoughts were controlling her mind and frustrating her, but the way it is worded and the way the sentenced is structured makes it hard to understand. It's important to remember that sentences should always have some form of Subject + Verb + Object word order. You can check out this resources because it will likely explain FAR better than I ever could: https://academicguides.waldenu.edu/writingcenter/grammar/sentencestructure#:~:text=A%20sentence%20follows%20Subject%20%2B%20Verb%20%2B%20Object%20word%20order.

But essentially, the sentence appears to be fragmented in the way it is structured, and I often sentences structured like this with the words also being used in a way that made it hard to read sometimes. It might be better to reword sentences like the one from above to be more clear. Something like:

'There were voices in her head as she sat still in the classroom. She couldn't stand it. It was suffocating her.'

But that's just a suggestion! However you want to move things around works too! I'm not sure if English is your first or your second language, but either way, I would like to say your writing is great! It's just the sentence structure or grammar that could use just a little polishing that's all.

Lastly, the last thing I noticed was that sometimes the descriptions of the settings were unclear. In first few chapters, I wasn't really sure where Cynthia was. Was she in a classroom full of people? Or was she in an empty class? Was she walking through the hallways when she decided to skip class? Or was she standing by the classroom door? How did she get to the rooftop? Was there a door? Did she go up stairs? Etc. etc.

Overall, I think you have a really interesting story in the making. I especially just fell in love with the world building. There's much I'd be curious see develop in your world such as the nature of how humans and the demons came to be in such a world like that and why there are so many different traditions and sacrifices the Gods had to make just for the humans. Really quite interesting overall! I hope this reveiw wasn't too mean, I just wanted to be as detailed as possible with my feedback and suggestions.

Best of luck!

Thank you!! I really do appreciate hearing that, your kind words almost made me cry~!

Thanks! I'll get started on yours likely today or tomorrow!

Don't worry about it, the music section has been long removed from Tapas writing station.

Okay, now, I've just read a few chapters of your comic book. Since this feedback is a comic book I'll format the feedback a little differently than I would a book/novel.

Art Style:

The art style is so adorable. I absolutely love the expressive faces, big eyes characteristic of anime and cartoons, and the costume designs. The designs for many of the characters have that feel of a fantasy world. I always love to see an artists have their own unique style and signature about them. While it does not have a professional look to yet, I believe this is only a matter of time before you reach that level. I would also mention the line work is already pretty clean it could just use a little stabilizing. I'm not sure which digital art software you use, but I do recommend trying out Krita https://krita.org/en/ which is a free digital art software that has a bunch of resources you could use like the stabilizer, comic book strips, 3d rulers, and more.

I would also say as much as I love the designs, I didn't realize at first it would set in what I assume is Norse Mythology (correct me if I'm wrong) but it might be a good idea to do some more researching into that mythology so the outfits can better reflect that anyone who steps blind in the story.

Story

As for the story, I can't say too much on the storyline since I believe its the second book, but I can say so far the storyline is pretty interesting, and the humor is on point. I would note however I was a little confused on where the story was taking place. I wasn't sure if was in the human world, or if it was in the God's world or somewhere in between. I also wasn't sure what the relationship between the human and the God's world was; I couldn't tell how the God were freely passing between the world or how the humans were freely passing into the God's world. In general I was pretty confused on the setting, but that could be because I was reading the second book in the series. Besides that, I think you're making a lot of progress on your comic book and it has a lot of potential. Keep up the awesome work author! Let me know if you have any questions or need me further clarify anything.

Best of luck!