Are these behavior normal?

[DasIstWunderblyat]

Is these hypothetical situations show normal and healthy behavior?

• When you know a person usually talks to you, gives you attention, gives like and comment to your post in social media, then it stopped one day. You get extremely restless over it and start to get paranoid thinking that the person doesn't like you anymore, you spend all day figuring out what did you do wrong to them.
• When you state your opinion or advice in discussion, group chat, or online forum, but no one seems to read or upvote it so you deleted it or refused to talk even when asked because you feel unappreciated.
• When you demand appreciation or you stop doing something out of spite. Example is encountered in Wattpad, like when you hold your story as a hostage that you won't update it unless it reaches certain view/vote/follower numbers.

Are those behavior normal or not? What do you suggest if you encountered someone who acts like that? Or have you ever behaving like that?

This is for "research"

[mariusthered]

i dont know about the last one it just seem like a business strategy.
but the first two are characteristics of caring and sensitive people. but the truth of the matter is the reasons for not getting a response are so big it could well (and chances are) be nothing to do with you. sadly a lot of people treat internet friends like something disposable. others like a pal of mine i have known on line for 20 years now, vanish for months on end because he looses his internet (ive never asked why it's his business) you just have to be there when people want to talk and dont worry when they are not.

[Azifri]

If I see something like that I'll think that person needs to take a break from the internet and go outside a bit more. I may sound harsh, but behaviours like that sound childish to me.

Specific about #1: I don't know the person, so besides their internet presence the could be a ton of other things happening in their life. I might send a message if the absence extends for too long (like months). #2: I consider discussing with strangers on the internet a total waste of time. Commenting and such I do as a way of procrastination, but never take personal. And #3: demanding appreciation sound silly. I draw/write for myself, and post online just in case someone else might like it. The reward is to finish a piece to the best of my effort. If you do it for business, not sure how well that would work.

Just my cold adult opinion

[Klaustasya]

To be honest i do most of these, but this is because i have personal issues.

[DasIstWunderblyat]

@mariusthered
I agree, and I do think online friend can be as important as offline one they usually shares specific interest and can be closer in terms of knowing publicly unknown things about you. In another side, people also must be aware that people we meet online has another separated life that is just as important. Thanks for the answer!

@Azifri Sending a message is a wise option if they don't went all ghost I usually see if my opinion is needed or not, if not I won't weigh in where I won't be appreciated. About number three behavior, I also think it's petty behavior while understanding the pain of not getting your hardwork somewhere... They could do better way to promo. Thank you for answering!

@Clauxx Thank you for your answer!

[bear1]

I do the first two things quite often. I’m very insecure and if I lose contact to someone or people don’t reply/upvote my forum posts (assuming it’s a question or a reply to someone) I immediately jump to the conclusion that I did something wrong or are not being liked.
Truth is, it’s insecure but unnecessary to feel and think this way (I don’t want to call it not normal. Don’t ask me why ^^”)
People are busy and sometimes airheaded. Because you don’t receive replies or such doesn’t mean you did something wrong. Sometimes people just forget to click the ‘heart’/like-button or put your message on read to answer it later but forget about it.
It’s overthinking and in my case I try to slowly try to get over it (sometimes mit more and sometimes with less success :))

Nr3 is a bit different. I saw that quite often happen with young artists in the past but kinda looked at it in a snarky way. However, when I think about it, perhaps I’d do the same if a project of mine isn’t as well received as expected. Although I wouldn’t demand engagement outright into the open. But probably in my head I made the decision if I should continue or not with low attention...
It’s true that we should draw and write for ourselves and to get our stories turned into reality. But, as snarky as I thought about this in the past, having your work ignored can be a huge bummer.
However I wouldn’t recommend people to hold their work hostage and demand comments or likes in order to produce more. Instead advertise and draw in new audiences. And even more important, learn to love your work unconditionally so that low engagement doesn’t have such a high effect on you and your self esteem

[amortelito]

1. I would definitely think I did something to make that person stop engaging with me. It doesn't really affect my day, but makes me wonder. Recently I care less and less as I start getting thicker skin and I rationalize that I shouldn't take small things personally. And probably they have better things to do too than comment on my work. But I don't think I will ever not care because it is also a matter of empathy. I don't want to make others feel bad for something I do or say.

2.has never happen to me, I don't usually participate in groups. I'm starting to engage in Tapas!

1. this one sound entitled and a bit immature, to be honest, 3 loyal fans worth more than hundreds of followers who are just there for the sake of being a number. As much as we work hard to create content, there is really no binding contract, is not like we were lied to when we started publishing stuff for free on the internet. I do feel their resentment because we are hopeful for eventual success, but keeping their work hostage will just alienate their fan base.

To me, that person is seeking validation from an unstable source. Online viewers are so casual and sometimes the attachment is so superficial that they come and go...and come back again just to be gone again ( I have a sub that unsubs and subs every two weeks or so XD). You can't demand attention and appreciation, sadly, those are given freely and willingly. This person would need to change their currency to something more healthy than "getting attention/appreciation" because that is something that you don't control. But you can control how proud you are of your work. Of course, we all want attention that's why our work is public, but it shouldn't cause so much stress to the point of ruining your day and fight with your fan base.

I would approach this nicely because that person already feels attacked and unappreciated. Like, "hey I love your work for (insert wathever reason) I will be here when you are back". There isn't much you can do or say to someone who needs time to figure out things.

[qwerty]

I don't really know how "normal" such behaviors are, but they certainly aren't healthy. All of them basically boil down to someone causing themselves (and sometimes others) unnecessary harm due to being obsessed with what others think of them. Everyone struggles with this to some extent, but the more extreme it is the more harm it causes.

If I encounter someone like that, I would just be kind to them while also trying to make sure not to spend unnecessary time and energy getting wrapped up in their problems. I feel sympathy for such people but also realize that I can't solve these problems for them, since the root cause is their own attitude, which only they can change. The balance to strike is to be there for them without making them into a "project", to be willing to help while also maintaining healthy boundaries.

[yonaremi]

For me, the problem here is why would someone expect to only receive attention? Give it to other people, engage, communicate. Treating others like attention dispensers will get someone who behaves like this nowhere.

[punkarsenic]

this sounds like social anxiety and insecurity, which is pretty normal but not healthy. it can be part of something more serious, but can also just be like, being a very insecure person.

i think if someone talked to me abt doing this stuff id suggest they work on open communication, esp abt their feelings w their friends

[Jenny-Toons]

For the first one, I can see that, but my feelings will always fall to "are they ok?". That is always my idea because sometimes, people get busy. Something comes up, they have to deal with it, and they may not be in the position to contact me right away. I understand that because that's happened on my end several times. So what I like to do is just pop in every now and then and say something like:

"Just hope you're doing alright!" or "Sorry I've been so busy!"

Worrying over nothing won't make them respond faster, so I'd rather show that I'm still thinking of them AND giving them their needed space.

As for the other two -- I will have to say that they're unnecessary.

Of course, I do understand that some who do this are younger (possibly kids), but even then, I think this is unhealthy behavior. The internet will not and should not always listen to you.

Because it's so big, you're dueling with the voices of many. Everyone will not always recognize the effort you might put in when you post your work. Everyone has their reason to be online, and it's not always gonna include you. I know this every time I post here, and I am prepared for some people not to see my words or to not like it. It just happens.

And honestly, I feel it's kinda...selfish to assume you should always get attention?

It's a two-way street. If you desire attention, you have to give attention as well. You can't just ask people to promote only your work and draw only your characters and not try to do the same thing. You can't just ask people for feedback or ask for likes/comments, and not try to do the same thing.

[beta1042]

I think many people feel these to some degree, but not necessarily the degree you listed.

Like I notice if a regular who comments/likes/etc stops, and I do have this moment where it's like.. ohh where did they go? And some temporary sadness that they're gone. A small amount of concern that something may have happened to them, and a small amount of maybe they don't like the content anymore. And perhaps for a few more updates I do wonder if they'll come back. But I don't think most people dwell on it all day long, or get extremely restless. When a change starts to negatively impact your life like that, that is when I think it crosses the line of not being "normal". I use normal here more in the sense of "healthy".

I think when a forum reply/post is ignored it can be discouraging or upsetting. But again to go ahead and outright delete it. Or refuse discussion later seems childish? So I guess that is normal for children XD.

Demanding appreciation is selfish. Nothing normal about this. Threatening to quit unless your'e appreciated is manipulative. (Also counter productive for people like me. I'll just drop following you on the spot if I see this behavior)
I think quitting because you are not appreciated is normal- people do things for different reasons and feeling appreciated is a big motivator for many to continue on their work. I can't blame a person who feels unappreciated to stop, but to use it like a weapon or to publically make a big deal about it and demand it just rubs me the wrong way. I don't feel most creators do this(although they may feel like they want to) and I feel the reason they don't(Or the reaosn the stop themselves) is because it's not normal.

[storytimebiondi]

To me, this sounds like someone who has low self-esteem.

As someone who has suffered chronically low self-esteem for many years, these seem like the normal poisonous behaviours someone like that would do. It's all about self-affirmation. If others are not affirming them, they immediately go into panic mode. They feel inadequate.

TBH it is also a possible symptom of ADHD.

[unknown_user]

1. I react that way from time to time.
2. Sometimes I react that way, too.
3. I don't do this because I feel this like something disrespectful for readers.

I think that all three those things are not normal. I don't know what to suggest in first two cases, because if I knew, I would suggest it to myself and stop doing that. In the third case I would suggest to concentrate on the story itself more than on the numbers.

[kimketli]

It seems like a very low self esteem for me. A person who always seeks out for conformation. Very unsure. I would not say it is healthy. He/she should take a break and find a way how to be a little bit more balanced.

I'm also really sensitive about my work but still try to keep in mind what I should not do and point out what fear or insecurities try to make me do. It happens very often. I have a half who hates me We can call her "fear girl". Fear girl is really good for avoiding danger but she is oversensitive in my case... So I don't let her in front of the wheel because she would make me avoid almost all of life events...
How can you recognize her? Ah, easy. She is really mean. She uses mean things to make you do the "safe" things. Actually not the actual "safe" things but those things what look safe for her animalistic instincts. Mostly those things what mean "danger"(possible shame for example) in the near future. She does not care about your self esteem, she cares about safeness in the very present or near future. She is the person who tries to prevent big steps in your life what would give you huge self esteem boost because possible failure hurts her more than a possible gain would cheer. You can also recognise her from her thoughts what are like these: "what will happen with you if you can't do it? you will feel horrible! you will look miserable... everyone will think this or that. you don't want that. should I list those things what can possible happen if you fail? naaah. You remember what happened last time... It was horrible, wasn't it? So, all in one you are useless. Just try to not show it with trying hard things! Simple as that!"
Fucking great company... But after you recognized her, I think it is easier to handle her. And never let her in front of the wheel! Except when your house is burning or something similar actual dangerous thing happens.

[Inspector_Spinda]

The first two are definitely normal, but the last might be a wee petty

[nostalgicroxas]

The last one actually is a psychological thing that's harder to explain. It's more likely rooted in a business strategy mind-set such as:

I really like animals and children. I'm going to write a story about a 10-year traveling across the world, learning everything they can about animals, and they'll learn to adopt, feed, and care for them. They will eventually become a professor at a university to teach on their favorite type, such as Birds, or they'll end up hands-on at a zoo.

I like this story. I shall write it! Oh, but to make sure other people like it before I invest a lot of energy into something other people won't want to buy, I'll release a small amount of it here and there.

I've written up the draft for the entire thing, outlined everything and fixed plot-holes. I've started releasing it online as chapters, but it doesn't seem to be gaining much attention. If it doesn't gain more (likes, attention, views, ect) within (a set amount of time), I'll just scrap the idea and start something else.

^-- None of this states the person dislikes writing or the idea. Their mindset is just more business strategy. They're not going to invest their time writing something that they have stats that show people are not interested.
It's not a bad mindset for writing, and likely they love the story like we all do love our babies. But odds are they were either influenced to think that "everyone has to like it or it's not worth pursuing", or they that came up with that thought on their own.