Corrupt-A-Wish!

[hecdora]

Granted but you overeat healthy food and your body suddenly reacts to it, leaving you allergic to anything healthy.

I wish aliens would actually visit, announce their arrival and turn out to be friendly

[AshKetchup]

Granted but the aliens turn out to be too friendly and start to mate with humans. You were the first... victim...

I wish I was evil.

[sillydilly2002]

You are killed by a lvl 96 dragon knight

I wish animals could talk

[El_Psy_Congroo]

They all sound like Kristen Schaal.

I wish I could freeze time

[JessJackdaw]

Granted. You can freeze time, but you lack the power to unfreeze it. You grow old, while the universe stays firmly in place.

I wish the internet was a friendlier place.

[maelstrom51210]

Granted, but now everone's too friendly, and it starts to grate.

I wish I could teleport.

[sillydilly2002]

Granted but you can only teleport to the last place you had a cheese calzone with extra mushrooms and ghost peppers.

I wish I could git gud

[TomSawyer]

Congrats your gud. Infact your too gud, successful at everything. But no one wants to compete with you, leaving you forever isolated

Sooner or later you'll be bored of your life, and try to fail. Only to end up winning anyway

I wish for infinite wishes
1. The ability to cancel other wishes
2, That everyone had to type "Tom Sawyer is Awesome" on their bio
3. The ability to never lose, depending on my desire
4. The OP would finally declare me as the winner
5. That @AshKetchup's perfect sandwich was mine
6. That @lilybugged and no one else can make the effects wear off, and no hidden clauses

...this has made me wonder would this victory be satisfying
Well anyway I created something impossible to break

[AshKetchup]

Granted but everyone in the world is now procrastinating and will tend to your wishes later.

That reminds me I wish for my sandwich again.

[JessJackdaw]

Granted. You're given a sandwich so perfect and divine, and upon devouring it it fills you with a void. You know you will never taste something so wonderful ever again, and it will haunt you the rest of your life.

I wish I could have birds and animals follow me around like I was a Disney princess.

[TomSawyer]

Granted but everyone in the world is now procrastinating and will tend to your wishes later.

...can't say i didn't see this coming

I wish I could have birds and animals follow me around like I was a Disney princess.

Granted, Your covered in bird poop for the rest of your life

I wish for Father, Lust, Envy, Wrath, Pride, and Sloth from FMA
Also they serve me. and I'm invincible and immortal

[mariusthered]

Granted . you become invincible and immortal but spend the rest of your existence totally alone

I wish for a penny every time someone says the word pie

[TomSawyer]

Granted no one ever says that word

I wish that i had paper, a pencil, and unlimited time to write

[Strontium]

Granted. You gain access to a timeless reality, but after finishing your story you can't leave.

I wish that the books I want that are scheduled to be published later this summer would get released now

[TomSawyer]

Granted
You get those books ahead of schedule. But now the stories are incomplete, and filled with typos

I wish that imagination became reality

[El_Psy_Congroo]

Granted, basically the anime From the New World happens.

People's anger and violent desires plunge the world into chaos on an apocalyptic scale.

I wish the Winds of Winter was done. I mean, come on already.

[maelstrom51210]

I don't know what that is, so the literal winds of winter come and herald a new Ice Age.

I wish that I was the coolest.

[Jacen]

You freeze to death in the new ice age.

I wish to be the very best, like no one ever was.

[sillydilly2002]

You are the best but now you have nothing else to do and all you do is catch pidgeys in pokemon go seeing as that is the only thing available to you now.

I wish the pokemon go servers were up

[TomSawyer]

Granted the servers are up, but you get banned

I wish for an endless soda, that taste good, and is healthy