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Jul 2016

Granted, all the bugs are now in your car.

I wish I could find Pokemon other than the super common ones in Pokemon Go

Granted. You can only find Far'fetched now.

I wish my computer screen wasn't cracked.

Granted, but now your mouse/mousepad isn't working.

I wish I was good at math.

GRanted now you are unemployed because you failed every subject but math

I wish I could complete the pokedex

Granted, but your completion is short lived as Nintendo releases another region full of 500 "new" pokemon. Sadly this time, they're all just recolors of Trubbish, and that darn mauve one is only avaliable in Antarctica. Good luck.

I wish humans could fly.

You can only fly in reserved air spaces and get shot down whenever you lift off

I wish I had some pie

Granted, but the pie is barely the size of an ant.

I wish dogs could talk.

Granted, but they only can only speak while yodeling at full volume. Deafness reaches an all time high.

I wish I had telekinesis.

You can only move things that weigh less than a milligram.

I wish that I didn't have to go to the orthodontist

Granted. All your teeth ave fallen out. But hey! All your teeth can't be crooked if you don't have any!

I wish I could pet a cat right now.

Granted but unfortunately it's a dead one. It still pretty fluffy if you can stand the smell.
(In all honesty, I wish I could let you pet mine. She loves to be petted all the time. D:)

I wish humans could legally augment their bodies with cybornetic enhancements as much as they wanted, and basically become robots with human conscious.

Granted but some hackers hack into the augmentation and activate a kill switch to destroy all augs.

I wish my spore file didn't get lost

Granted. You get a lightbulb.......... to lighten yourself...

I wish people started talking in puns.

Granted but they all start saying dad jokes and puns at the same time.

I wish that i had the sandwich

Granted. The Sandwich is actually a failing restaurant that has now fallen under your possession. No one wants to buy it from you because it's a bad investment. Slowly you start to lose all your money to pay for rent and taxes, you lose your home and your possessions as collateral in case rent couldn't be paid. Eventually, you cannot pay for The Sandwich anymore, the bank repossesses the property, and you are left with nothing to your name.

I wish for no wishes.

Wishes no longer exist. You've caused a rift in another dimension, and also put a lot of genies out of the job.

You, however, live in the universe where fairytales and wishes are merely fiction, so nothing happens other than you spent some time reading this reply. Congrats.

I wish humans weren't so stupid.

Cookie is a stripper down at The Pink Stiletto Ballroom, she comes over, but she doesn't charge you because she likes you. However, Sugar, her 6'4", 250 pound pimp, finds out and now he's coming after you to settle business.

I wish for eternal youth without compromising my mortality.

you become the same as Benjamin button and start to age backwards.

I wish for a panic room...( and more cookie)