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Feb 2021

Hello! Here's your critique:

The first chapter was nice, liked the bits of pieces you added for Keenan's past without making it an info dump! The chapter really picked up its pace in the second half. The robbery scene was great and it ended on a hook and a promise--that the hero is now going to embark on a new journey.

Given that the second half was so good, maybe start the chapter from there on? You can start with a high stake robbery and weave Keenan's past into the story. (And put off Lester for the next one.) This invests readers into your story right away. Otherwise, if they are not hooked onto it from the get-go, they might not make it to the end of the chapter (the good part).

All in all, I liked the chapter! It was easy to read and grammar was impeccable.

Hi! Here's your critique:

That was an intense and amazing start. The story had a strong opening and ended on a great hook. Your writing style and vivid descriptions were perfect for the genre. Genuinely enjoyed reading every word of it!

Just a tip: some of the dialogue tags had some grammar issues, but nothing that a reader would jarringly notice. You can edit it in your free time!

Great work! :smile:

@rajillustration Thank you for leaving the feedback! You totally caught my own hesitations about posting such a heavy first chapter. While I don't want to justify posting it, it would have ended up as a backstory or the prologue (which can be off putting for readers.) The real story should pick up from episode 3. I would love to hear any advice you have on fixing it! Thanks!

Hi Rachel! I read the all the prologue parts of ABOTN. It's absolutely hilarious! Loved all the classy build up to his thesis and indeed what a thesis it was! Your writing is fast and pacy and each chapter was like a sweet fun delight.

Although Harriet is only introduced in the 1st chapter, I think you did a wonderful job in setting tone for the story. And using the same opening lines for Abbot and Harriet was a great little touch! There's nothing much to critique. Best of luck with your story!

Hello there! Thank you for this thread. I just read the first chapter and the short introduction or prologue you added into your story Darkly Ever After, and all I have to say is... wow. Your first chapter was heavy and deep, in a good way though. The way you set the tone for your story was amazing, in my opinion. Honestly speaking, I was really hooked in already! Your setting was also very descriptive, and that's quite nice. I think it's a story that would hook in a lot of readers very soon. I was really intrigued, so I left likes for you! Anyway, here's my novel! I'd appreciate any critique you can give me. It would be very helpful. Thank you! :smiley:

Agshdjejdieksk thank you (I knew I was forgetting something) finally is weekend and can read it!

Edit: I got hooked immediately to the story with the introduction at first because Tamara and later becasue you could describe these situations with a raw feeling (I felt like I was witnessing that scene) and got focussed on Tamara's mom cause I met similar people like them and I couldnt but feel so frustrated as Tamara in that momment. I want to know more now! Subscribed!

honestly it's a good chapter, and I don't know enough about the story to say if it needs to have a chapter before introducing and leading up to that (because I'm assuming that this chapter is super plot important, so it probably needs to be there) It was just that there was no mention of surviving abuse in the blurb/prologue episode so it caught me off guard? Maybe having a little tiny hint in the blurb so people know what to expect?

I'm not sure what I would do, honestly, since I have only seen the two episodes.

I would really love feedback! It's the introduction chapter! Please leave your feedback on the forum!

I would love some feedback, thank you for doing this :smiley:

You can put the critique here on forums :smiley:

Thank you so much! I'll definitely be sure to go back over it! I just read your first chapter, and it's really intense, and does a great job hooking the reader! I wish you the best luck with your series! Thank you again! :heart:

I would appreciate any constructive criticism you might be able to give me too - I'm always looking to improve :slight_smile:

omfg your story is lit! I even commented, idk if you can see that yet.
Can’t wait for the next chapter. Pacing is pretty good, descriptions in the right amount, and yeah its pretty good for now.

heres my comic! the first 3 are meant to be read as one but id be happy with you just reading the first too, id like the crit on the forum please!

Just finished my first chapter! Would love to hear your feedback :slight_smile:

Always interested to see what people think and how I can improve :slight_smile:

Hi! My first chapter came out almost 2 years ago but why not see what new readers think, right? The artwork isn't great in the first, so this should be a good test of the story