Depression and making comics

I always feel like I'm useless and nobody really likes or cares about what I draw. I'm desperate for my mom to like my drawings on facebook when I post but she never does. She doesn't like that anime style I do I guess. So sometimes I feel like I'm never gonna get anywhere with my art. I can't even advertise my comics because I'm too anxious that people will think it's shit or it's bad. I want to show it to my mom but she's super religious and I don't think she'd like that I'm making a comics about angels and demons with non black and white morality.

Other than pure love for the story I made, the only thing that keeps me going is that I want to spite my judgy judgy aunts when I get famous. one day... maybe. LOL. because I know they talk about me being a worthless daughter cuz oH shE's NoT yEt DonE wiTh COlLegE??!! whErE iS hER dEgreE??? cAn yoU stiLl aBoRt a 22 yeAr oLd?

ha! jokes on u aunties, i tried but failed.

I dont think Ive ever had depression, but low confidence for sure (possibly some anxiety but never seen anyone about it).

I used to have a really bad relationship with my art. Mainly me attaching too much of myself through my art. It got worse when my first comic attempt was very unsuccessful despite the amount of effort I put into it. I felt very lonely here as a creator, even though I was occassionally told to "just keep trying". Which made me feel like I wasn't trying enough, or I havent earned that level of support.

When I stopped sharing I felt like I lost. I invested a lot in my creativity but failed to delivered. After being completely broken down It sort of came together.

Ultimately, I had to accept I didn't really belong here but some of my ideas really do. So now I kind of share my ideas but I'm a bit removed from it in a way. Kinda like I'm only here to deliver.

So, I have family who goes through depression and I didn't know how it felt until the combination of my grief from losing my first son and then being in Puerto Rico during Hurricane Maria completely pushed me into a Major Depressive Episode.

I find that depression...prevents me from doing anything effectively.

I can't write.

I can't draw.

I barely have enough fucks to go to work which I need to do because I have a solid career and am the breadwinner so if I can't work, then I fuck over the people who depends most on me.

It's..horrible.

It's a whirling violent whirlpool that sends me deeper and deeper to a spiral of panic, freeze, then guilt. Over and over again until all I want to do is just end it.

Then I panic.

Then I freeze.

Then I feel guilt.

Then I feel absolutely the worst thing of all.

Nothing.

I was lucky to get on medication that works with minimal impact on my health and I have happily been on the same dose and medication for two years now. I can focus. I can do my JOB and rock at it. I can draw. I can write! I can be ME again.

Even if it means being medicated until the die, I will do it because I have a lot riding on me and refuse to let Depression take that away.

Essentially, Depression is an enemy that will always be around and must be managed with prejudice. It will never go away, but I ain't gonna let it bring me down either.

...Sorry I really got ranty and emotional there. Just...just saw this topic and had to unleash!

Oof. Like several people have already said, depression means I do nothing beyond the minimum required to survive. And just doing that is really, really hard, so forget making comics! There's just no functioning with it. So yeah, to be honest, for me a lot of how depression affects my comic making is that I don't make comics.

One bright side for me is that, during a mild depressive episode, I try to channel my struggles into the comic. (Can't do this all the time or when it's major!) Sometimes the character or situation is a good vessel to help me process and emote things that I am not ready to. It's a release to make my characters cry and feel things when I need to, but can't.

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Also can I just say damnit I am sad reading your posts and I want to give all you beautiful people hugs

In light of this topic, I want to leave a note that if anyone needs support, someone to talk to, hell someone to listen, I am happy to be that person for you. Please note that you are not alone.

The fact that this thread exists means that you are not alone and there are people fighting the same fight everyday along side of you.

You are not alone.

You are loved

I have severe clinical depression and anxiety disorder (and a eating disorder just as a bonus)

Do I make my comic?

Nah.

when my diagnosis was medium dificulty I could still make it sometimes.

Third type here: I've had severe depression years ago, and I produced a lot, but completely different things than usual!

Generally, less creative, more repetitive things, but with a patience that I never had before.
For eg. I sew over a thousand species of sea slugs with all their specificities, one after the other from a species list.

In my normal times I would find that deadly boring and would have the patience to do 3 before creating my own species with adapations to life in fantasy universe or something like that.

I don't think making comics gives me depression, it can help alleviate minor depression, sadness or fatigue by giving me an outet.
I like to be in my head and removed from the world, and want to believe I can rise above it in a self-induced isolated state. So my comic gives me a veneer of a noble reason to be a semi hermit lol. I think of all the people my work affected and related to, or will in the future, it makes me feel like I have a higher purpose than myself. My characters and story gave me a lot of joy and all sorts of feelings, and I want to share it.
Honestly the thought of finishing what I started, or just continuing my journey with curiousity to see what happens, keeps me going. Like a parent who can't go on for themselves, but they will for their child. It gives me strength for the most part. However, if my depression is deep (caused worse l life circumstances, rather than just me being in my own head or not getting sleep), I find i need to stop working on the comic and just sort out my life first before going back to it. However after I do, my comic's quality increases, as if a blockage has been broken through. Fortunately I don't think I have the type of mind that gets depressed due to a natural chemical imbalance, only bad life circumstances can give me depression. Of course once you get it, I think you're more susceptible to it? My comic consumes my life a lot, but at the same time, it usually gives more energy to me than it takes away, which is untrue for most jobs for me. I mean I do stress and get disappointed when I screw up or when the results just aren't what I expected, but I don't dwell on it.
It helps to see it as a chance game, any possible outcome can result. Have a cup of coffee and a snack and relax lol and remember it was once fun. For these reasons I prefer to tell my life/comic story as a successful and optimistic one, even before I reach the point where I make a full time living.

For me, desperation helped me acquire good creative habits faster out. The worse I feel, the more time I spend in the creation of comic books. I don't have many friends, but I do have enough of them, because they really help me develop my ideas for comics. The doctor also tries to help me with a kratom red vein1, but I explain to him that I feel great when I draw comics. Depression separates me from the world, so I never expect to like the results of my work and earn some money. Why should I give up my business when the world has given up on me?

Seems like the more depressed I get, the more work I do, and the more I need my personal projects like comics to get through it. Was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was in my teens. It's never really gone away, but my work makes me feel like I'm at least producing something that's worthwhile, and I get to write a story that's important to me. It's a double edged sword of course, a constant overload of work to quiet my self destructive thoughts can easily become self destructive itself, which makes things worse. Balance is difficult at times, but I'm getting better at it.
Lately whenever I feel like a failure, or when I feel like shit about my art, I repeat my new mantra: “I’m doing the best I can.” Cause perfection is an impossible goal. We may not be super successful, we may not have tons of followers or be superstars, but we're all doing the best we can, and that's enough. Being kind to ourselves and each other, and admiring our hard earned progress is important too.

I have bipolar so that naturally comes with depressive episodes. For me it's really hard to get things done when I hit a depressive episode and in that state I will often think to myself that people read my stuff just to humor me basically. Therapy and medication has helped with mellowing it out but the mania of course is usually when I get the most work done.

I've been dealing with Major Depressive Disorder since high school. I find that making my comic has helped me a lot tbh, I love creating and love making other people happy with my stories. Although my depression has affected my comic in the way that I honestly have a hard time updating. I try to update every other Friday but my executive dysfunction, anhedonia, and low self-esteem makes it hard for me to finish each episode on time. Sometimes I just can't get myself to work on my comic.

It makes me wonder if I started working on my comic at the wrong time... Maybe I should've waited when I can better, idk, "control" my depression? And I can actually get myself to work on my comic and finish it on time? But then I tell myself, I have no idea when I'll be able to "control" it, if at all. So might as well work on it now and relish in the joy that it gives me.

I found drawing comic can actually help me to release my negative energy and thinking ...

But then slow sub gain, lack of reader responses can be super depressing and unhealthy ...