5 / 8
Mar 2021

Good morning, or night ?
Recently I've just started to write my first novel and honestly, I am asking myself if the chapiters that I make are not too long, or too boring to read.

As I am, without a doubt, lacking in experiance and skills.
I would like to ask of you to give a look at my first episodes of S.T.O.R.I.E.S, and tell me every aspect that was not enjoyable.

Also, don't hesitate to ask any questions that you have.

https://tapas.io/series/YSSTORIESAPCE/info5

By the way, if any fellow creator would like me to have a look at their artwork, and give my review on it, then I invite you to post your story down there, I would even subrcribe If I like it.

In fact, it's just another Feedback and Reviews topic !

Then, I will rely on you and your kindness.

-YamiThatKid

  • created

    Mar '21
  • last reply

    Mar '21
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I attempted to read your first episode. It's a bit bland. Also out in the beginning you have a sentence that reads funny and you should probably add a verb to it. "why the hell the people from the surface are all stubborn like that?" I have a hard time keeping track of who is speaking and when speakers are changing. It would be nice to add ques. Even if you don't want to put their names, you could simple say something they inquired. He remarked. She informed. Some action between all the dialogue would also add more interest to your story. There is very little happening outside of a conversation, so some added details like she gently moved her hand to her hips. They raised their eyebrow. He strolled across the room. Anything between the dialogue would be nice. I don't mean to sound mean, and I really did try to finish the first episode, but it's so boring and confusing. I like the idea of your novel, but it's not executed well.

I'd also like feedback, thank you very much. I will check out yours as well

I see, I thought that something was missing, but I didn't knew what.
Thanks to your honest review, I finally see what was the problem !
I am grateful to you ! I will take those words at heart.

I'm going to subscribe to it because I like the idea of the story, and I'm sure you'll improve over time. Nobody is a perfect writer and nobody starts out good.

Hi, I read your first 3 part.
Dude, I'm impressed ! The world building may be a little too fast for me, but else, the writing is good !
But the protagonist, Thomas Talon is a little too smart and mature for an 8 years old child, he litteraly said Fuck, is it because he is of the Talon familly or something ? There also where some part of it that I did not understood, too much new vocabulary used without knowing what it was.
In any case, I subscribed because I liked the story and the plot.
With more improvement you can get only better. Good luck !

Hi ! I read through your story until the 4th episode, even if horror is not my thing.
So, your character introduction is good enough, and I can understand the basic plot of it.
But, you have to keep one unique font style, the change of font is very disturbing between the 2nd and 3rd episode.
Also, there is some gramatical error, no ponctuation at all.
Otherwise you have an average storytelling, but do not give up.
It's with the will to get better that you can improve yourself.