Free Critique/reads! No exchange needed

Louvremusee 2025-02-27 22:10:11 UTC #1

Hi! I'd like to offer critique for whatever you'd like to offer as well as reads. I may not be able to get all of you but I'll do as much as I can. I'll read 3-5 chapters, just tell me where to start! Otherwise, I'll read from the beginning. I'll be as detailed as I can and I'll warn you in advance I'm very, very blunt. Thanks!

[This topic is still open and active! I will update here when it closes.]

Oriflamme 2025-02-27 22:17:30 UTC #2

Might as well try, I’ve not really received too many opinions on my comic outside of my family.
My chapters are on the shorter side.

Phantomobservant 2025-02-27 22:28:09 UTC #3

Hii,be as blunt as you want.Inferior is a fantasy adventure story aimed for a y.a audience
here is the blurb:

_In the country of Eriel, magic is illegal, and monsters are banished to Deswela. A young 16-year-old Sebastian Miller has a burning question. What do you do if there is a significant plot hole in your history books?_
> The reason why the Humans won the war is unclear.
> Finding the answer alone is more complex than he could ever imagine.
> Discovery and danger surround him. As friendships are born and broken, Sebastian can’t find his confidence and his inferiority complex grows.
> Will the answer to his question change the world for the better or will it bring life to ruin?
> This is the world of Enterex

eternityoz 2025-02-27 22:49:07 UTC #4

A blunt, straightforward critique would be helpful! Here's my novel.

raspberry590 2025-02-27 22:53:22 UTC #5

I'd love feedback! This is my main story at the moment, my other three are on hiatus. If it's not your preferred genre tho, I can share one of the others with you!

You can skip the prologue, the real narrative starts episode 2 / chapter 1

kyupol 2025-02-28 00:57:56 UTC #6

By all means be blunt I don't mind

Louvremusee 2025-02-28 17:55:16 UTC #7

This is going to be super long, but bare with me.

First off, the description. Interesting concept, but it could be put a lot better to capture the attention of more readers. Planting seeds of interest would be best, as well as a call to action and shortening it as much as you can. For instance:

“Corrine Caviella is forced to abandoned everything she knows when she finds herself in the Abyss. Can she survive in a strange, secretive realm at the mercy of strangers, and her husband, the duke? Even when his assistant catches her eye?”

With these things my general rule of thumb is to keep descriptions concise. If you say too much, what’s there to reveal in the actual novel? You have to ask yourself, if you were a reader, what would make you want to read this novel in particular and why would you pick it up based on the description?

It’s kind of like finding a couple coins glistening outside the mouth of a deep sea cavern. That cavern is people’s time they’re going to invest in what you have to offer. Are you doing a good job at enticing them to enter or no? It’s one big advertisement for your treasure chest.

I would definitely study anatomy and clothing wrinkles. Your line-art is thin and wobbly, which can be fixed by drawing loosely with your shoulder and arm in longer strokes opposed to shorter wrist-flicks. Unless absolutely needed, I’d refrain from shading with black, it gives your art a muddy look and generally isn’t appeasing to the eye. Same effect with using the airbrush liberally.

I would also study focal points. It’s a strategic story-telling tool and it’ll help you out in the long run. In general, it’s a bit hard to look at and hard to know where to look. I would also switch up the color-palette, personally, but I believe in you and that you can make it work! Per se, You’ve got one of the cutest art styles I’ve ever seen and I absolutely adore it.

3rd panel is so gorgeous. Your designs are very grounded and have exceptional color harmony! Love the historical blend, you did it perfectly. If I were you, I’d work on giving the characters bolder silhouettes though as well as shape language. Otherwise, rock on! Also I respect you a lot for actually taking the time to draw hands.

Fourth panel you could add some pizzaz to the pose. Line of action to really get the point across. Stiffness in poses can weaken the affect of what they’re saying and your overall plot.

Take my pathetic mousedrawn anime girls for example: (Sorry I don't have my graphic pad otherwise I'd give you a better example)

It helps to convey that the masked soldier is actively walking past her and makes everything look less stiff. Your use of bigger/smaller composure to convey emotions and a message is awesome though! Go for it! You can also use perspective to your advantage.

Keep in mind, the poses don’t have to look like a 1920s cartoon (extremely drastic), especially if you’re going for a more grounded and realistic theme. Just remember to keep them dynamic.

You captured her father’s grief very nicely, he looks so lost, so defeated. Love the expression work there. They're always readable in every panel, super cool and great job on your end! A cool tip I have though that isn't necessarily critique is from animation, the less than greater than thing.

First impression with the characters is great. I like the main character so far and the fact that her parents are that baffled is pretty funny. The duke made me chuckle but overall the little brother is my favorite. Left me on a good note and I was excited to see where it would go.

Chapter 2 starts off on a pretty interesting note. I like the introduction to the new character and it’s easy to read the trust they have for one another. I saw another frame that could use some perspective too! I’m sorry for all the badly mouse-done drawings I’m way better at visually explaining than I am typing it all out haha.

Chapter 2 starts off on a pretty interesting note. I like the further introduction to the new character and it’s easy to read the trust they have for one another. I saw another frame that could use some perspective too! I’m sorry for all the badly mouse-done drawings I’m way better at visually explaining than I am typing it all out haha.

I loved the ending. Left off leaving you thinking. As for chapter 3 holy shucks, what an opening. Now that was really interesting and I see a lot of world-building potential etc. I enjoyed the 2nd main character’s characterization and the fact we were actually given information into her past unlike a lot of other Isekai mcs.

Overall, I’d say this comic was pretty solid. I don’t say any of this to beat you down and discourage you from continuing. Rules are meant to be broken, especially when it comes to art and it’s better to be flexible. What works for you may not everyone else and the same goes for me. I have a lot of faith in you. Your art style is original and super cute! I hope my advice helps you.

I think you’re going to do stellar! It takes a lot of bravery to post your original work to the world and ask for critique. Thanks for introducing me to your comic. Good drawing!

eldritchtroubadour 2025-02-28 18:09:53 UTC #8

Here we go. Can start from the beginning if you want.

Louvremusee 2025-02-28 19:03:00 UTC #9

This is going to be pretty long so bare, bear? lol I don't remember--with me also I just found out I could hide half the text so it wouldn't take up the whole thread.

Review

“What would you do about a plot hole in your history books? In a world where magic is illegal and monsters were banished, the question burns 16 year old Sebastian Miller, but through his breaking confidence and more hurdles than he could’ve ever imagined, will he change the world or bring it to ruin?”

For descriptions, my general rule of thumb is to not be wordy. You’re selling to the reader. You have to give them to a reason to invest in what you have to offer. No matter how good your work is, it’ll be passed up if it doesn’t hook your reader.

First sentence, I directly call to the reader with a goal to make them think and end with a call to action, which sparks curiosity. If I say too much in the description, what do I have to sell in the novel?

The opening line is creative, unexpected and says a lot about our protagonist, but this is where I’m going to tell you you should be super picky about your sentences and shorten it, snipe any words you don’t need and count everything as clutter until it proves its worth even though you’ve got something excellent to go off of. (I’m a huge fan of the opening line!)

“When Sebastian was a child, he refused to cut his hair out of fear the fibers would attack him at night.”

Erase any information not necessary or that can be told later through action. The beginning part is your second shot after the description to keep the reader hooked on the rest of the novel. That’s your opening statement, this is the nail in the coffin for getting them invested. Just that one sentence says a lot about Sebastian as it is.

For the first chapter, there’s too much telling, it’s hard to get into it. Your descriptions of both the characters and scenery are very lackluster. I’d say use examples, like:

“His hair was like a bucket of orange paint / Two boys raced under the beating June sun “

I’d be careful about falling into cliches though, such as: “Her eyes were as bright as the stars” you can spice it up with “Her eyes were bright as headlights” something memorable and relatively unexpected. If cars exist in your universe, anyway (they do lol). Otherwise, substitute it with whatever you like! As long as it’s honest, unlike:

“Her eyes were bright as a candle” if your point is her eyes are bright, they’re actually dim. You can also set the mood like: “The sun spilled its glow on the grass which swayed in the breeze” ‘Glow, sway,’ very gentle words, gives your reader a pleasant image.

Just like when you say “His father walked back to the two watch towers” who is the father? How’s he feeling? Spice it up by saying ‘snuck’ (Is he keeping secrets?), ‘crept’ (He’s definitely keeping secrets…) or ‘strolled’ (it’s a nice day for him too) or ‘rushed’. Small things can give us more insight into who your character is, their vibe, and a feel of what they’re doing.

Watch out for unnecessary adjectives though, kill any you don’t need. Instead of saying something like: “There was a big table” you can say “The table could fit his whole extended family” or something like that.

Like I said earlier, the telling and info-dumps are a serious problem, you should do more showing, especially when it comes to the monsters. It doesn’t have to be told all at once, just enough to where we get the gist but are interested about learning more.

Especially with “He dragged him along against his wishes” or “Because he trusted his brother” you could say, He gave in and followed or he clung on tightly to his brother and that gives the impression he depends on him. Also “He dragged him along but he fought”

I didn’t have enough to be hooked by chapter 1, even though the father died, there wasn’t much emotional impact. His presence felt a bit empty and that I didn’t get a good enough example of who he was or how his children saw him as a parent. Maybe say, cause’ their kids and this out of their POV: “He stood tall as ten mountains and his cough alone could scare any monsters away” if they admire him.

To me, he seemed a bit empty with room for more characterization. Maybe have one of them take notice of the fog too and brush it away instead of telling. I like the idea of them finding what they did in the sewer though. That had a lot of potential to be worked with and that was a great idea. The dialogue was great, realistic though and the character chemistry was well done.

‘In a quiet small library was only one boy and a cranky librarian,’ and so on, to freshen it up, I’d reword it to something like this.

“ Bookshelves towered overheard as if dungeon walls. The boy shrunk, glancing every now and then at the librarian, who leered at him across the scattered pillows and a couple open books. A ticking, stuttering clock interrupted the quiet.”

It’s a lot more claustrophobic. The boy is constantly having to look over his shoulder to make sure he’s not bugging the librarian and if you want to make it worse instead of saying ‘every now and then’ you could switch that up to ‘every second or so’ or ‘more than he could count’. A couple open books: people had been there.

Instead of old book, say the pages were falling apart or he’d guessed it was from a hundred years ago. We’re looking out of his POV. What does he see? A rule of thumb I heard from somewhere was that if a camera can’t catch it, your reader might not be able to imagine it well.

I liked the scene with the dude in the football Jersey. There wasn’t much direct ‘telling’ and it was pretty interesting, enough to have a clue and it was enough to spark curiosity. Cool setup there! Also ‘as if he were an orchestra conductor’ for Charlie was pretty cool, I really like this scene and your good dialogue and character chemistry really shines! Charlie’s easily my favorite.

Sebastian’s school life feels intense and chaotic, overall. All the characters feel pretty solid so far and are enjoyable to read. I don’t say any of this to discourage you from continuing. It takes a lot to ask for critique and showcase your work to the world and you’re doing a great job just by doing that. I hope I was able to help and that you keep working on your story and write more!

Oriflamme 2025-02-28 20:33:27 UTC #10

Thank you, I really appreciate how you really went into detail of your criticisms. It really helped give me perspective on how my production decisions affected the final product and pointed me in several directions I could improve, although some changes might be harder to implement.

If possible could you elaborate on what you meant by “switch up the color-palette”. Colors is one aspect where I feel less confident in my application. Up until now, I always feel like I’m “winging it”

Finally, the criticism for my synopsys is interesting because the one you’ve written contains broadly the same information as mine, yet I absolutely hate it. It is so direct in its approach, that I feel it insults the intelligence of the reader and patronizes them by giving them the used car salesman version of the story pitch. If I was a teacher I would give it an A, but as the author of the story I can’t help but feel you’re doing a disservice by making it perfectly hit all the key points. I think it becomes bland because of its sharpness.

giamarvelousunime 2025-02-28 20:35:37 UTC #11

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Good morning/afternoon/evening! If you are searching for something to read and see, check our graphic novel! Please consider subscribing and giving a like. We also have our own youtube channel where there will be the animated series of this graphic novel, so subscribe please! Its called Unime Studio, thank you for checking. If you comment for a shoutout in the graphic novel, you will be called in a shoutout in the channel! This novel will have realistic and raw situations that happen in real life in actuality! If you want to see the complete graphic novel, you can buy it in Patreon link down thx
Here´s the link:

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Breeze.Hill 2025-02-28 22:44:59 UTC #12

I din’t know if your doing comics. But if you are i’d love a review.
I’m always looking for ways to improve. (Don’t worry bout being harsh or blunt)

LivvyLeopard 2025-02-28 22:50:58 UTC #13

Hi this is my action/fantasy novel ‘Celestial Guardians’
Synopsis: For generations, the world has been protected from the evil monsters and beings of darkness by a mysterious guild of heroes called the Celestial Guardians. People gifted with the powers of animal constellations. They have the ability to transform into their specific animal, as well as possess amazing powers of their own.

Every generation, twelve special beings are chosen to inherit these abilities for the greater good. But for this current generation of chosen ones, a brand new guardian is selected to join them. This story follows a girl named Sakura, as she and her newfound friends work together to defeat evil and become the Shining Celestial Guardians.

Algae 2025-03-01 00:23:15 UTC #14

Hello there! I'd love an outsiders view on our story! :DD

Algae 2025-03-01 00:31:02 UTC #15

@Phantomobservant "What do you do if there is a significant plot hole in your history books?" I also loved that line! It goes hard
@Louvremusee And I love your advice on word choice affecting tone and vibe!

edit: I'm still figuring out how Tapas forums works please bear with me X)

Cheekybee07 2025-03-01 00:41:16 UTC #16

thanks so much! please let me know how you find the characters and plot for my latest novel thanks in advance!

Louvremusee 2025-03-01 01:49:12 UTC #17

You're welcome, glad I could help! What I mean by switching up the palette is that to me, it feels too grey-ish beyond being realistically de-saturated, but if that's your goal what works works! Personally though, I'd maybe saturate it. I wasn't good with color palettes either and also winged it, haha, but one of the things I did was premake one in a set range of colors so it never felt too all over the place.

My intention wasn't to insult the reader's intelligence but instead plant seeds of curiousity to give them more food for thought. I do get what you mean though.

Louvremusee 2025-03-01 01:51:12 UTC #18

Credit the author for that one! I'd definitely suggest reading @Phantomobservant's novel, it has a lot more creative sentences that will wow you! Thank you for your compliments on my critique! I appreciate it a lot! That advice has carried me such a long way in my own writing journey it feels crucial to share! Language is your tool, use it!

Louvremusee 2025-03-01 01:52:06 UTC #19

Just found out the space is still there with the review so what's the use in hiding the details lol

I actually liked your description. It’s beautiful, it flows nicely and saying ‘Kaito was no different’ gives it a layer of realism. It establishes the stakes wonderfully, especially with the price of heroism and desperation and delusion. I’m definitely a fan. However, I did find it a bit wordy, so to take it to the next level, I’d cut out anything that absolutely wasn’t necessary and blend together what I could.

Otherwise, I’m sold, haha. Here’s my take on it:

“To become a ‘hero of legend’ was the dream of every child in Hanakawa but Kaito was no different.

The vow of protecting your loved ones comes easily, yet the price of heroism is riddled with sacrifice, whether your blood or theirs. In a world riddled with corruption, can Kaito push forward and realize his dream or will he fall to desperation and delusion?”

The opening line has a lot to work with. It’s great starting out, but it could be even better and feel a lot more immediate.

“Every child in Hanakawa once wished to become a hero of legend; I was no different.”

Just saying ‘I was no different’ really gives further implication and plants that seed of ‘What changes?’ without having to add ‘at one time’. I say keep the hook short because it’s the hook. If you put too much bait on the hook, some of it is going to fall off into the murky depths below.

Snipe any excessive words and whatnot that aren’t needed. While I understand wanting a pretty prose, sacrifice those unnecessary sentences ruthlessly no matter what.

I love the second passage: “Or so the story was told” lets us see into the main character’s mind and through it. That’s awesome and solidifies that we’re not just reading an ‘I, me, so and so’ story, but through the lens of an actual person. Even though it was small, that kind of thing goes a long way and I applaud you for that!

The introduction was fantastic, incredibly well done! It felt so much like an epic movie or series and brought up some fantastic points we can even apply to the real world around us. It buckles us up for the adventure ahead properly! The formatting too is creative.

‘An omen of rippling tides grew across the lakefront, accompanying them was a single message that entered the minds of all within Hanakawa as bolts of crimson energy descended into the forest’

It’s very clear, but it feels a bit too flowery. George Orwell once said, “Never use a long word where a short one will do.” If you can. Always cut it out.

While there’s nothing wrong with being eloquent, if you overdo it, it can create miscommunications between you and your reader by making the message so much less accessible and harder to read, especially for people who aren’t good with English or it can make you sound too pretentious and not in a good way. This is something I’ve had a bad history with, haha.

So make sure you ask yourself how readable the sentence is for people whose English is of different skill levels. Cut out any of those big words unless they’re absolutely needed to get a point across. I’d rework this passage to:

“Crimson bolts of energy descended into the forest. Tides rippled across the lakefront, carrying a message that entered the minds of Hanakawa’s citizens.”

I put the first sentence before the tides because it feels a bit jarring to put it afterward. I love your use of different words to set the mood, ‘Raced’, ‘approached’, ‘bursting’ especially and ‘caught’. It sets up a fantastic scene and gets a mood across very well. Frantic, chaotic and quick! Great job! Another thing I’d also do to spice up descriptions is use the five senses to my advantage.

The stats were done nicely! Formatting and all, it flows very naturally with the story and really elevates it! I’m very impressed with how well it fits in!

Your descriptions are also great and easy to imagine, feels like you took a camera and pointed it toward exactly what you wanted us to see and that’s not an easy thing to do! It’s very captivating. While some parts are explained, it doesn’t hinder the story and it keeps moving while still keeping the urgent feel going. I say it’s done impeccably.

The part where he explains his background does feel a bit jarring in the middle of combat, maybe right after he kills the golumns or after the combat?

Your world-building really shone! The chemistry between all the characters felt real and memorable. The dialogue was also cute and enough to get anyone hooked! The first chapter was very well done, but just a bit too wordy, like using ‘happily slapped his back’ while the lighthearted mood was readable without saying the word!

One of the hardest things I had to realize was that most things my reader would interpret without me having to say it even though I felt like I had to say it, but keeping your prose concise is more important and elevates it no matter what.

Loved the training scene between the main character and his dad, that was sweet. Overall, you succeeded in making every member of the family feel memorable and distinguished.

That was amazing! You carried the plot so well and you’re setting everything up perfectly! I see myself coming back to this one, it was great! I got a jest of the characters and their world which felt very colorful. Keep writing! Left impressed with this one! Thanks for introducing me to your work!

Louvremusee 2025-03-01 01:53:31 UTC #20

Sweet! I love the title already and I will definitely read the prologue too! Thank you so much for sharing your work with me!