HERO.SYN:
Art: While not a style I usually gravitate towards, there is real quality in the art deparment. Fabric, expressions and poses are particularly well done. The models are consitent, anatomy seems good and the crosshatching for texture is a really good move. Occasionally, it can be a little hard to see what's going on, particularly early on, but I haven't seen much of that in the latter parts. Acute angles are also present and well done. Body language is also a big plus. Well done indeed. Overall, I really like the art. You have a tendency to keep the camera in close, which isn't really a problem, but you could maybe pull out for an establishing shot now and then, to give a better view of the environment. So far, the only place we really know the layout of is the hallway. But again, it's not a big problem this early. The layouts are simple but effective.
Writing: I was going to point out that the dialogue is a little stilted and awkward at times, until I realised that english isn't the native tongue of the majority of these characters. The dialogue is fine for the most part. North's internal monologuing feels a little redundant, though. I feel like most of what come out through that has already been conveyed visually. Again, nothing dramatically wrong with it, but it could get grating in the long run. The story hasn't really gone places yet, but the world-building is working, at least for me. I'm getting a sense of what this world is with every page.
Nitpicks: I'm not a huge fan of the "falling" text on the first page. I feel that has already been established by the visual. I realise it's a trope, but as a reader, I prefer not seeing redundant text. Also, the milestone pages, while well done can be a little jarring when they show up in the middle of the story. I don't know that tapastic have any better solutions for including them, but it can throw the reader a little.
Conclusion: Most of my complaints aren't really that huge. The comic works well, it looks really good, and has alot of potential. Stay the course, I say.
Magnolia Online
Art: Incredibly cute. This isn't the kind of comic or even style that I usually read, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm not familiar with the tropes native to it. So if any of my critisism on here seems odd to you, that's the reason. The art worked best for me when it was in colour. I'm not saying that it got bad once the switch came, but it did become a bit harder to distinguish the characters afterward. There was something unique to each character, and they seemed to lose some of that with the loss of colour. But of course I understand why. The time taken to get the colours done must have been gruelling. I think you would actually benefit from not including intermittent colour pages at all. It kind of just feels disrupting. Maybe just own that it's black and white now.
Like I mentioned above, interruptions like fan art and milestones feel a bit disruptive, but I understand why you want to include them.
Writing: While the skewering of MMO and gaming tropes is nothing new, I did find myself laughing at times. The characters are for the most part arcetypes, but they have personalities that shine through at times. I like your idea of having the main crew of characters come together for the first bit, and then split them up into all these different factions. It gets you emotionally invested in all the different parts of the world.
Your reliance on gamer shorthand and abbreviations and tropes can be jarring to an outsider trying to read it, but you've clearly found your audience, so there's no reason to change it.
Nitpicks: Most of the issues I have, I'm pretty sure has to do with tropes of the genre, so I'm not really going to bring it up, or suggest you change it. You've found your voice and your people, and you should keep doing it.
Conclusion: While it's not the kind of comic I usually go for, like I said, it is cute, at times funny, and hard to really dislike. There's clearly alot of work behind it, and I commend that. It's not for me, but it's clearly for alot of others. Well done.
Jonny Comic
Art: Initially, I'm not a huge fan of the art. I see the style you're going for, but it seems a little to rough, and the panels are a bit to busy, it doesn't really flow the way it needs to. By the time you reach the 3rd book though, you're making some real progress. The art is cleaner, clearer. The scenery is alot better, the action's really moving, and the characters are finding their models. Whatever you did between book 2 and 3, keep it up. It's working. Colours are at times a bit bright, but it contributes to the feel and style of the comic, and feels right, even if it's a little hard to look at. You need to be very aware of the balance, and not go too far with it.
Panel composition is usually simple, but it works well. Actions and movement are a strong point, and like everything else, has gotten alot better by book 3.
Writing: There are a few issues with the writing. First and foremost, there are some occasions where the characters take strange leaps of logic. Like when Jonny wakes up after getting shot. He doesn't skip a bit, but goes straight into super hero mode. He doesn't seem confused or disoriented, straight to action. Doesn't really work for me. His father also seems to be acting oddly in his first encounter with the J. I feels a little strange for him to accept him so readily.
You also rely a bit heavily on well-used super hero tropes. I suppose you have to in a super hero comic, but I'd like to see you try to work around them a little. Maybe try to surprise the audience at times. Keep them on their toes. But it works as a genre story. I'd like to know more about the characters, though. I know a little about Jonny's friends, but mostly they revolve around him. What are they like when he's not involved?
Nitpicks: There are occasional typos, which you really should try to iron out.
Conclusion: I'd really like to emphasise the improvement that happens in this comic. By the third chapter, you're finding your voice, and it starts to click. Try to build on whatever you did for 3, and you're getting somewhere.
My name is Marius and I'm the writer and pencil monkey of October 20.
