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Dec 2023

Haha thank you! And no worries on the time! It's been busy all around XD.

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I agree with the feedback you've given me and it's great. Most of the things are scheduled to be addressed in the edit! (which I'll hopefully get to soon and stop drawing out my outline XD. As I said, busy all around XD)

Thanks again! :smiley:

24 days later

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22 days later

@Hoku_1

Sorry it took so long to get to this story!

Praise: I think you right very nice, quick to the point, character building chapters (e.g., I understand a lot about the characters just by reading one!) I also think the concept is really neat! There aren't too many stories about female boxers out there. I think you id a good job helping the audience root for your main character and beginnig to build out the love interest in the first few chapters, which is essential for a sports/romance story! Personally, I like that her little brother has autism and her relationshop with him is really cute. I find that developmental disorders are rarely portrayed in media (maybe everyone is too scared to try?) so I always like to see stories where it's present.

Feedback: I think our protagonist could use a few more flaws (e.g., maybe pride or arrogance?) I think she's likeable, but giving her a fatal flaw would make her even more relateable and likeable. Since this is a sports story and she's highly talented, pride might make a good flaw for her to have (e.g., maybe describe a moment in her past where she thought she could win a fight but got her butt kicked and now she's determined never to have that happen again--maybe she even accidentally got her bro involved, too). I do think our main love interest could use a little bit more development/interaction with our main character in the first few chapters just to remind the audience that this is a romance story, too. I think it'll give them a bit more chemistry, too. Lastly, I think developing/building up her relationship with her little bro would be awesome (e.g., delving more into the realism of the disorder, such as good days and bad days, what level of autism the kiddo is, etc.) I think this would make the story even more awesome, as I rarely see autism portrayed in an in-depth manner.

OVerall, great work! Congratz on making the top 50, too! woohoo!