67 / 70
Jul 2021

Here's mine!

Here you go my friend.

Only 4 chapters and 3 pages to go to wrap it up. Give me your thoughts, baby!!!!

Oh great, I think my story summary had been ghosted. I was really expecting a critique and opinion about it. :frowning: :frowning:

Here we go! Short and sweet.

Here's mine.

Well sorry then for not writing reviews 24/7 :upside_down:

Reason being that I slowed down with reviews is that I'm on vacation for a week atm, and my internet connection isn't always stable. Hence why the critiques are not my priority at the moment.

I will get back to them, but you need to have a little patience. This is for free after all.

here's mine!

Alright, thank you for waiting. Let's see...

I think your summary content wise works fine, I'd mostly change up some things regarding the grammar and presentation of the summary. I would also use the present time in summaries, as using past tense might trick some readers into thinking that something in the story has already happened elsewhere and that they might have missed it.

When Olivia Flynn, a heartbroken 16 years old Swiss, moves to Japan, she comes across a famous patisserie that consoles her.

What Olivia doesn't know is that the patisserie guy consoling her is ACTUALLY her servant, and meeting him sets off a chain of events that turns Olivia's life upside down.

I changed the original summary up a little to make it easier to read

Thank you for this! T^T I'm horrible with summaries... ;__; Could I perhaps use this modified version?

Alrighty let's see... giving info about the update schedule is always a good thing. Credits where credits are due are also good.

I think content wise you got everything in the summary. But... I feel like there is still something that is missing. The summary feels kind of flat to me, like there is a description but it doesn't really spark my attention. It feels like I'm reading a passage out of a history book.

I think if you can make the summary a bit more personal then it could feel more alive. Like try to tell us a little bit more about the characters maybe? Let the reader get know know about them but not so much to spoil them entirely. Spark their interest to the main characters.

Hmmm I think that you need to shift the balance in this summary if that makes sense :sweat_smile:

What I mean is, I feel like there is too little information about Shinichi's cause of death that leads to his life ending and I feel the description of his ability is too much for a summary.

Maybe leave out some of the information on his strange ability for the comic itself? It would be nice to tease the reader and make them interested in the strange ability he possesses, because then they'll want to check it out due to curiosity.
I think leaving out some info will make your summary shorter and easier to read.

I think your summary contains everything it needs in main characters, who they are and what they struggle with. I believe that you could try and compress the second part a little as it is quite long. Maybe leave some information out?

For example, you could just tell the reader that Angela has no control over her powers and let them find our why that is once they read.

I think the last line is really good as it creates a stake related to the mc's past. It has a ominous feel to it.

Thank you for the advice! :blush:

Here's the edited version:

The vampire Ezekiel Blake has endured the last century in solitude, estranged from both the living and the undead. Disheartened and lonely, he partakes in art and theatre to restore his lost connection to humanity.

Thus, he arrives in Eidolon City, the home of the sorceress Angela Thorne, who struggles to contain her untrained magic. Ezekiel takes the young woman under his wing and teaches her how to control her powers. The two form a deep bond, and for just a moment, Ezekiel believes that his solitary life may have finally reached a turning point.

But that hope is shattered with the arrival of Ezekiel’s vampiric brethren.

21 days later

if you're still doing this, I'm sure my summary could be better