I'll Review Your First Chapter! (closed (for right now))

Leyelle 2024-10-07 21:48:13 UTC #21

I would like you to if you're willing, but its fine if you don't think i'm elligible lol. One of my novels is over 50 subs, the other two are under thirty subs

Kyanbu 2024-10-07 22:31:56 UTC #22

Is it easy to follow along with the story? Is the dialogue ok? Is the pacing too fast?
Nothing, it's all fair game!
The pacing and dialogue.
Be as brutally honest as you need to be. It doesn't have to be positive.

ZAPPI 2024-10-07 22:46:08 UTC #23

1) Does my story do a good job at setting up the characters and plot?

2) Nothing, really

3) Mainly just the way the story sets itself up, the way the characters are introduced, and dialouge

4) Nope.

BellaTheCow 2024-10-08 00:48:58 UTC #24

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

Tubacabra 2024-10-08 12:53:41 UTC #25

Thanks for taking the time!

Are my character interactions too forced? Does my introduction have the right emotional impact? Is the story engaging for readers?
Cover anything you want!
Please focus on my characterization.
Be as scathing as possible! I can take a hit.

Thanks in advance!

Harshitx 2024-10-08 13:57:40 UTC #26

It will be great if you tell me what do you feel while reading the first chapter of my novel and is it good or not

MeadowHaven 2024-10-08 14:58:57 UTC #27

Is it enough to hook people without directly revealing what is about to happen? is there enough foreshadowing? are the Characters relatable?
grammar, I know it's a problem. i plan to go back and fix it later when I'm not behind my deadlines.
is it compelling enough to keep reading
be as negative as you like.

https://tapas.io/series/Life-sentence-The-Endless-Game/info

Paul_Tromba 2024-10-08 15:21:44 UTC #28

I would love your input on my first chapter.
1. Is the first chapter intriguing/captivating to you?
2. Is the pacing good or too slow?
3. Is there enough mystery to entice people to read further?

You can cover anything you want as I find that limiting one's critique leaves the author with much less helpful information.

I would love for you to focus on the characters and plot but am open to any other suggestions.

I am open to any review, whether harsh or not. Thank you again.

kyupol 2024-10-08 16:14:35 UTC #29

Sure feel free to review

TheSequence 2024-10-08 16:20:19 UTC #30

Hey check out mine-
1) I want to you to tell me about the flow of my story
2) If I could really convince the emotional bond between the characters or not
3) No issues with negative feedback
I would like you to review specially the last three chapters as I didn't get many comments about how they felt about it only if you wish as you said you'd like to only review the first chapter and thank you so much

iamanerd 2024-10-08 18:06:09 UTC #31

@Rowan_Lane

The start of this chapter is really interesting and includes nice details. Since this is only the first chapter it is difficult to know if the MC is making smart choices, but please remember. This is your character, who cares (besides you) if he is making smart choices. We don't always make smart choices after all. The prose is interesting and fun to read.
It is difficult to comment on pacing since I only read the first chapter. But, I think there is a stronger end to this chapter you could have employed, but the ending you have right now works. The first chapter (and the first line/paragraph) is what will drag your reader into the story. Which your chapter does!

iamanerd 2024-10-08 18:21:15 UTC #32

@Kyanbu

First, this is an interesting story, however, for a comic (especially for a webcomic) the first chapter feels too long. While it is okay to have long chapters in comics, it may be better for later in the comic.

For reading stories on the web, readers often have a much shorter attention span so you only have so long to draw readers in. So how can you do this with a comic? Well start with the action or something bad. Something that will stick with the reader.
When it comes to dialogue, it is important to remember how we humans naturally talk. We don't always use proper grammar or full sentences. For example;

Kyouya you're too young to learn something like that anyway! We can work on that when you're older and wiser.

This is a little wordy. Not everyone will say it like that some may say it like:

Kyouya, you're too young to learn about that!

Overall the art style is fun! I like the blue undertones over everything!

iamanerd 2024-10-08 21:22:33 UTC #33

Based on just reading the first chapter/pages 1 - 11. It doesn't do that great with setting up the plot, but it is engaging. I am interested in the characters and they each have their own unique voice.
I also enjoy the colors and art style as well! The dialogue feels real too.

iamanerd 2024-10-08 21:23:05 UTC #34

Hi, this is only open for those who have 50 subs or less.

BellaTheCow 2024-10-08 21:52:05 UTC #35

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

barakothepirate 2024-10-25 13:29:27 UTC #36

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

iamanerd 2024-11-11 03:05:10 UTC #37

Hi! Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you! Things got a bit busy for me!

I have mixed feeling about the introduction. I like how we are dropped right in the middle of it, however, without any worldbuilding on the initial read it was a little jarring. This still works, but we could spend the first chapter exploring more about what makes this land barren or ruined. I really enjoyed the interaction with Mancer and Rixi though!

iamanerd 2024-11-11 03:06:02 UTC #38

Hi, this is only for novels with 50 subscribers or less.

iamanerd 2024-11-11 03:09:25 UTC #39

Hi,

I think this is really interesting! My only thing would be to find ways to make the dialogue a bit easier to read. When it is in paragraphs back to back it gets clunky.

It also makes it harder to the audience to keep reading if they are using a PC/Mobile platform since we read differently when we are on a computer, if that makes sense. It's best to think of it like an F pattern in reading. Most will read the first sentence and skip to the next making an F shape.