Let’s start a review train! (novels)

[thomaspeev]

Chapter 3:
Ok, so the story is picking up. Cool goggles, Alan. We are learning more about the covey, their goal, and how they operate. I think you have a diverse set of characters here. I think giving them alone time with Edith in later chapters will help flesh out their personalities. I think you did a good job of ramping up some suspense with the negative reading of Barnes.

Chapter 4:
Not much to say here. You do a good job at casting suspicion upon Barnes and the town itself. Nice sensory details here and there. The hunt for the fiend continues.

Chapter 5:
Another good episode. So, Edith is a badass. Does she perhaps have a thing for Alan? Ooooh... I think that the dialogue is good, but the scene kind of drags a bit here. Not a lot, but a tiny bit. I felt the same way in previous chapters. You are doing a good job illustrating what I'm assuming is the covey's daily struggles/a routine mission for them. I expect either that this mission will turn out to be more than they bargained for. If not, moving forward I would ramp up the stakes with a more difficult task for them.

In summary, it's a really solid start! I think you've got something here and I can tell you worked really hard on the world building, characters, and story. You've got something here, keep going! You deserve more views and subs <3

[thomaspeev]

Just a reminder to everyone that you are the final judge, jury, and executioner when it comes to your story. If a piece of criticism or advice resonates with you, take it into considerations when editing. But your story is your vision. Don't let critiques that you feel are off the mark change your story for the worse. Happy writing!

[thomaspeev]

Hey wanted to give a bump to this post. Anyone looking to get their novel reviewed? I can swap reviews with somebody

[R.E.G]

I did a novel like two years ago, it was received okay. Would love some new input from you lovely folks if ya don't mind!

The Kursed: Virgil | Tapas

Thanks in advance and thanks for this neat lil' forum where I get to read while i'm all quarantino'd and stuff.

[Toastbuster]

Alright, I'm down for this! Mine is an ongoing story, so if you decide to review it just keep that in mind. Also be warned that it contains a fair amount of violence, profanity, and pretty dark/intense themes in general. @R.E.G, I will be taking a look at your story, it just may take me a bit to get the review done. @thomaspeev, I think I'll take you up on that offer for a review swap. I'll check in with both of you guys later, and in the meantime, here is mine if you'd like to take a look!

Gederah | Tapas

[thomaspeev]

Thanks folks, I'll try to get to both series today, if not, in the near future. And once again Toast, I'm combing through your comments now, appreciate the feedback and the read

[Zaboem]

Hi folks, I'll take a look at a few of stories beginning with the most recently listed and working backwards.

I read the first four episodes of Ghederah. It's shaping up to be an interesting read. The pacing and writing make it easy to digest, and I found the mystery to be compelling. I'll send a detailed response by direct message.

To anybody who joins after this post, you can start with -- I guess -- any of the above stories of your choice.

[eNVy]

@thomaspeev

Hey, since you were the last one to review another's work that I saw I went ahead and checked out Heart of Vampire's first chapter (Sorry I am a bit strapped on time, but I definitely found it interesting enough to continue).

I was actually wondering after reading if Vampires in your world are different than the typical Bram's Dracula vampires or other pop fiction works? It seemed like you were saying that Vampires in your series injected the blood of humans as opposed to eating them? Or was this just the process of turning someone into a vampire?

I also liked that the doctor was named Deloitte, reminds me a lot of the public accounting industry giant.

Now is this a military setup where countries are using vampires as WMD's and going to war with each other, or is this the world united against another force?

All in all, a very interesting read.

If anyone wants to check out my series and do a critique as well, here it is!

HARK! | Tapas

[thomaspeev]

Thanks, I appreciate that! Actually, @Toastbuster went through all of my chapters, offering crits and reviews in the episodes' comments section, and @R.E.G did as well, so I will encourage you to check out their works also. I think it's fine to do that instead of posting on this thread. Maybe everyone should make a post, though, if they went that route just to show that they did. Sorry to @R.E.G. I will view more episodes, just bogged down at this time. @eNVy, to answer your questions, the vampires in my story, I think are a lot closer to humans that most fictional works. It has been a while since I read Dracula, but I seem to remember he and his daughters had no reflections, could scale walls in a way that defied gravity and a few other supernatural powers? The vampires in my story can't do that. They have increased physical abilities as they are a more nocturnal and predatory version of your average human. Vampires can turn a human into a vampire by injecting their blood, or making them ingest it. Injecting is the more effective way to do it, as seen. The story is set in WW2. Only the allies use vampire WMD's. The Nazis see them as an impure race, but they have their own WMD's. Thanks for the read and the interesting questions!

[Toastbuster]

@thomaspeev I think I actually still have a couple chapters to look at before I’m completely caught up I’ve been busy the past couple of days but I’ll try to get that done sometime tomorrow. And @R.E.G I haven’t forgotten about you either. I still plan to read more of yours when I get some free time.

[LadyN]

Oh my lord, this is the first time I’ve been super hooked within a few paragraphs! I really like your chapter one! If I had to give a suggestion… I’m in no place to give suggestions actually…

It’s really good! I’ll keep on reading!

[LadyN]

After reviewing one of the stories here I think it’s fine to just drop mines down here…

Hope Like Ashes:Numb | Tapas

[eNVy]

Wow! Thank you so much, that's really great to hear. I never expected to hear such great praise from someone and I really hope the rest of the story lives up to that haha

[Nail]

Ok, I've read the prologue. Your writing is good, it's clear and well paced.
Two problems did I have with this piece. Main one is that hat last part where the protagonist speaks from his first person - it seames quiet unneccessary. It does'nt bring much new to the story and basically just repeats things already established by the narrator. Also sudden switch from third person narration to first person feels a bit confusing. I think, putting this bit into begining of next episode would do the better work - it'll help to recap the intro, and then we would just have the begining of another character story, allegedly within the context of Alto Cadea's narrative.
The second thing (maybe I just didn't get it right" is that bit where he takes count of how many days it's been since him leaving... I understand that this serves the purpouse of establishing the time frames, but it feels a bit heavy-handed here: you don't need to bring up a full calendar entry to count two days since day before yesterday. Also isn't is says "Day2" on his "diary entry" when speacs of leaving? Wouldn't it be 18 days then?
But overall it's a good intro into the series, it establishes the setting,the protagonist, his agenda and creates enough entrigue to pursue readers to continue.

And if anyone wants to rewiew some random short horror stoies, Here's my serie. Some contain mature content. I would especially glad to receive some feedback on my last story called Bezoar (themes of death, suicide and some mild gore).

65 Meters | Tapas

[LadyN]

Wow, those are some things that neither I or other people have noticed! All I’m really getting from this is that there are some unnecessary (The entry at the end was something for effect but now I see your point on how I should save that for another time-)

And that whole “2 day should be 18” also was a huge thing I missed- It should have been Day 18 and then say how many days it’s been since Alto left, so thank you for pointing that out (my mistake!)

Thank you for the feedback though! I’m currently working on editing certain chapter and adding more to them. This helps!

[wh_vigo]

Working on a horror anthology. Critique welcome from anyone available. Let me know if you'd like me to read something of yours in exchange. Thanks!: https://tapas.io/series/50-Shades-Deeper

Title: 50 Shades Deeper
Genre: Horror, Horror-Comedy, Thriller, Psycho-thriller
Contains: Violence, Coarse Language, Mature Themes
Status: In Progress (updated monthly)
Description: Forlorn lovers, undead exes, cursed divorces, and abominations from the abyss. These terrors and more twist together in this haunting anthology of heartbreak, love, death, and triumph. 50 Shades Deeper explores how closely love and fear intermingle on the fringes of terror and desire. In each unique story, characters must contend against their inner-most fears and supernatural forces for love--and life.

[Nail]

I've read "We Need to Talk", and there's one thing that put me off a bit at first.
When Lisa punched the door and looked inside I couldn't think about this:

And when they started talking about bashing each other's sculls in...

And then he tried to escape through the window...

It was kind of disconcerting at first... but only because I didn't know what to expect from the story, and by default I took it seriously (and maybe it's a problem with the series cover). But then it became clear that the story has comedic and ironicovertone, and in this context, weather intentional or not, all those refferences didn't bother me that much. (I also felt strong "Death Becomes Her" vibes here)
Anyway, it's a good story well writen.

EDIT: You actually mentionet that your storie is horror-comedy... IDK, I still blame the cover, I wouldn't assume "comedy" whatsoever looking at it.

[wh_vigo]

Thank you for your feedback! Are there any literary devices or techniques you'd recommend revisiting?

Each short story in the anthology will be different from the other. Each chapter also explores a different type or theme of horror so things stay fresh for the reader (e.g. horror, horror-comedy, drama, dark romance, etc.). The first chapter was definitely a horror-comedy homage to The Shining, glad you picked up on that.

The cover is unofficial and will be revisited at the end (I agree it's important). My main goal right now is focusing on the overall quality of the writing and storytelling. I'm happy to hear you've found some aspects disconcerting or that you weren't completely sure what to expect at certain points. Sounds like I'm on the right track

[Nail]

Are there any literary devices or techniques you'd recommend revisiting?

IDK.. what comes from the top of the head is the characters are a bit blend - they're like generic married couple who went bitter after years of marriage, which works just perfectly for the porpouse of the story, but what I would add is some personal quirks to give them a bit more flavour, like, maybe te man is stattering, which pisses the wife off, or maybe the wife punches her way into wrong door at first because she thinks he would hide in their bedroom and then remembers that for last year he sleeps separatelly in their's ex children room...

[Zaboem]

Hello R.E.G.,
I read six episodes of The Kursed: Virgil because the chapters were short. Overall, I came away with a good impression. I found a few grammar issues and I will highlight some in a more detailed review that I'll send to you by private message. You did a very good job of establishing the tone. I came away not particularly interested in the setting but I did feel a little invested in Virgil.

As with all my feedback, we can share it publicly by request.