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Apr 2020

Hello. I am drawing a BL comic, it is called "Play with fire". Here are my characters design and plot, please could anyone give me a comment for it so thay I can get some improvement. Feel free to criticise it.
:heart_eyes::heart_eyes: Plot: The comic is in Korean historical genre and it is about Nohan, a prince who always seek for a "beautiful toy" to play with. One day he suddenly gets his money stolen by a fellow in the market. Because the fellow is so pretty that he already dreams for, he arrests him and brings him to his palace to have some fun with. However, Nohan did not know that the person whom he is toying with is a genius, who is known for passing 5 national examinations at the age of 16 with the highest scores.
:heart_eyes:About Nohan: he is a sadism. Although he is a prince but he never cares to national affairs, he just searches for his own pleasure and pretty men to play with. He can even kill someone if he feel they are not following his call.
:heart_eyes::heart_eyes: character design for nohan:


Anyway, thank you so muchhhhhhh. Have a nice day!

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    Apr '20
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    Apr '20
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Not gonna beat around the bush, I'm not sure the forum's community is into that kind of story to know exactly how to critique. We're basically Webtoon forums as well as Tapas at this point and there is a market for this, but from what I see, people that post go for milder BL with more likeable characters. There oughta be a more BL focused community out there to give you better feedback on the story, and I do wish you luck on finding that.

And on character design, it's probably better to make the whole character first then see where to improve. Just the bust doesn't give a whole lot to work with.

Pretty similar in terms of characters and subject-matter to "The Arena" by Lehanan Aida. I don't think it's available online anymore but it was 100% dubcon (eh, let's be real, 100% noncon to start with) smut with an extremely unlikable prince and a gladiator who'd really rather not be there at all. The art was magnificent though, and I think that if that's the kind of story you want to release, you HAVE to be confident that your art.

I'm someone who, let's just say, is interested in unbalanced power dynamics and even with that, I honestly couldn't get through reading Arena just because the prince was a completely irredemable jerk. I mean yeah it KIND OF comes with the territory... but if you expect your audience to believe in the eventual romance/more even distribution of power, you still have to make your jerk character be someone who's interesting and whose utter disregard for other people's feelings is something your audience can understand/sympathize with. And that is NOT an easy task to do. So I guess that's my advice, without knowing anything else about your story -- make sure both of your characters are strong and dynamic and have some shred of redeeming characteristics, because you're treading on some pretty uneven ground with the scenario you chose.

Couldn't have said it better myself. There's is a difference between BL that you know will be messed up going in and BL that tries to use those same messed up themes but slaps "love" on top of it.

For the first one, those are generally more thriller-based and focuses on the sheer unhealthy behavior shown in the story. The author is telling the audience "hey, this is messed up -- that's the point".

For the second, it feels flimsy. The characters are not developed enough or redeemable enough for this to really be healthy romance, but the author is trying (and failing) to paint it as such. Think of all of those mangas ever where the ML picks the asshole love interest even though the second love interest was a completely sweet, likeable, loveable person.

My advice would be to give solid, strong reasons for Nohan to be the asshole that he is, and then give him strong development that redeems him. Cuz if you want this to be a solid, healthy romance, that's gotta happen. If you're not going for a healthy romance, you gotta make that clear.

Disclaimer, I am not a hardcore BL fan, I am attacking this more from a plot standpoint.

Your plot sounds like it has a set up but there isn't really a hook. If Nohan is known for being sadistic and boy crazy, how is he going to change once he meets his love interest? Will he learn to be kinder and more empathetic? Will the love interest use his wits to trick the prince and steal the throne through seduction? Will the two become a power couple by combining their strengths and both be ruthless rulers which ends with them breaking up and a civil war?

If this is just a smut story about a sadistic guy with a sex slave, I personally would be put off by that.

I am someone whose bottom line for BL is already close to non-existent. I'll try my best to help but do keep in mind that:

  1. I am not a professional
  2. I have no idea how the ancient Korean live their lives (such as their three world views etc etc.)
  3. I will just assume their view on same sex relationships are the same like people from ancient Chinese views it.

Plot:
BL is a very broad terms in my opinion. I like to separate them into two types. Plot driven or... well, smut driven. If yours are the second, then do ignore but if it is the first, then please proceed. Again, I am not a professional and this is simply my two cents.

Considering that Nohan is a prince, one must also take note what kind of prince he is. Is he the already established crown prince or is he just any other prince who:

  1. Wants to enjoy life (doesn't matter how he does it)
  2. A prince who aims higher and will participate in the throne wars (if there is the need).

We would also need to know what is his backstory? Why had he become the sadistic man he is? Maybe his past was not so nice? Or was he a victim himself in his childhood? Maybe he grew up being taught that sadism is just another 'form of love'.

If we take note of everything here, the path of the story might be different from what you have in mind :sweat_smile:

On another note, what is the genius's purpose in Nohan's life? Is it just for the pleasure? Will he help Nohan to grow up? Maybe since Nohan never cares of national affairs, the little genius decided to take it into his own hand and maybe manipulate Nohan into doing things to his bidding (now that got even more dark)?

For this one, it is not that shocking considering the settings. In ancient times, people are ruled by the social class. The higher they are, the more you can get away with anything.

Anyway... I am actually curious to know what kind of story this really is. I cannot figure out much just from the plot provided alone because it's not very clear to me.

OmG. I didnt know that I could receive those precious comments, I love you guys so much. Thanks for all <3. Btw, actually the plot I wrote down was a piece of summary. The introduction, maybe. So I will wite down the full plot here, hope to get some suggestions from you. Luv ya and I extremely appreciatr this.
:heart_eyes::heart_eyes::heart_eyes: Nohan is a prince who likes to mistreat others and finds a young boy to fulfil his pleasure, but one day he met a genius person, whose name is Shine. Shine is a fellow who used to live in a low class area. Of course the story is not a heart warming one, lately, Shine takes avantages of nohan's weakness to advance himself. Shine, from a servant who works for Nohan but will become the king on the nation by his own hand, and of course, nohan must pay for what he did in thr past. Shine will use nohan at first, make nohan fall for him and use him as a tool for his motive. There is no pure love in the story, however, nohan's love for Shine is the real one.
:heart_eyes::heart_eyes: thank you guys so much I will treasure each comment of yours

No problem. Also, this is just my personal preferences. Since the setting is in ancient Korean, research, research and research. Try to stay close to the settings as much as you can. And that includes naming. If you like a certain name, then maybe you can find its meaning instead :sweat_smile:

I mean, Shine is a good name, but I don't think there is such name in that time yet. The closest sounding would probably Shin-Hye? For meanings, do research since most Koreans do take their names from Chinese characters meaning.

PS: I actually read Shine as 'dead/die/death' in Japanese at first lol

Your plot sounds more like an drama/action story more so than a romance/BL story. I am not 100% familiar with the genre, but from what I know, when you say your story is boy's love, it is usually a love story. Is there a reason why you labelled your series BL outside of the characters being gay?

I think I am also going to say to be mindful of how you portray your characters. The audience need to have someone they cheer for, be them hero or anti-hero. If Nohan is set up as being sadistic and mean, readers may see him as the villain/antagonist. Shine than need to be more likable and not just a different variation on sadistic. Also, is there any reason why Nohan is the MC instead of Shine?