Feb 2021
3 / 9
Feb 2021
Mar 2021
GayAllAlong_sorry
Feb '21

I'm the creator of a series called Plot Armor Academy50 and have a very specific request.

To anyone who graces this sub thread with their presence I would like to give the task of reading as far as you get (or want to) and be as harsh and honest as humanly possible with your feedback.

A bit more about the comic:
It's a vaguely educational series in wich a background characters attempts to become the protagonist of their own series by attaining plot armor from the ably named "Plot Armor Academy". They get some help along the way from an academy dropout and failed attempt at a protagonist.
Any and all feedback may (or lets be honest here, most definitely will) be turned into actual plot points.
Especially thorough criticism will be made into its own arc with possibilities for a collaboration, if the commenter is willing to allow it.

Pull no punches here.
If you think my art sucks, let me know but try to mention what you hated the most.
In case you don't like a specific character, tear them a new one in written form.
The story not to your liking? Good, make a rude comment telling me why.

Don't feel obligated to give me examples on how to make it better, or the need to play humble because you think your own work is, for whatever reason, not as good as mine.
I believe every person, no matter their skill level can have some form of useful insight to provide, even in the form of a rude comment.

So yea, here's another link that should also show the thumbnail:

  • created

    Feb '21

  • last reply

    Mar '21
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drawnbyyannan
Feb '21
GayAllAlong_sorry

Okay, here is my honest opinion:

The overarching theme in all my critique is going to be this: Do less. Be a little more minimalistic. Use fewer words. Utilize white space.

1) If I were just scrolling around, I wouldn't click on your comic because of your thumbnail and your story description doesn't engage me. The picture doesn't seem to match the description and I'm just overall very confused on what the story is about. From the thumbnail I'd guess it's some kind of sci-fi psychedelic thing. But then the story description is about newspapers and something called plot armor? I have no idea what "earn their plot armor" means but not in a "oh I'm curious" kind of way but in a "i'm not willing to expend the mental energy to figure out what this person means and move on" kind of way

For your story description, one sentence, maybe two, at most is all someone quickly skimming by wants to read. ie: Kate, the daughter of a _____, faces < problem > on her journey to becoming a true protagonist. (Although I don't like this "true protagonist" thing still because I have no idea what this means.)

2) Once I clicked on the comic, I saw that you have a prologue. Which made me groan because I kind of hate prologues. This is a personal opinion, but most of the comics that have them are either 1) poorly done 2) unnecessary 3) both.

3) However, I wanted to try and give the comic a chance since you asked for feedback, so I clicked on the first episode, and I couldn't get past the first panel because the lettering is so difficult to read. The font itself is not a good one (choose something more simple!), plus the varying font size, some of it in all caps, some of it not, the sheer amount of words and the strange speech bubble shapes just overwhelmed my eyeballs.

4) I think your art is really clean, but the comic lacks polish and professionalism. I recommend you read and follow this13 and look at some of the other resources that webtoons have for creators. Also, if you look up Walter Ostlie on Youtube he has a lot of great advice for comic creators. Definitely watch his video on lettering!

Good luck!

Edit/ Also it's natural for comics to improve, but consider updating the first three episodes with the improved art/lettering and an author's note that explains the change. Otherwise, you might get new readers that won't give the comic a chance even though the art has improved a lot.

GayAllAlong_sorry
Feb '21
1

Now that's what I'm talking about! And I respect your effort in suffering through my comic ^^

1) That one almost hurt. I actually spent time making the thing, but oh well, back to the drawing board I guess. It actually was supposed to be some kind of sci-fi psychedelic thing, so at least I've got that going for myself. Too bad my plot synopsis still sucks. Tried re writing that thing multiple times but it never ends up making any sense. Comes with the premise I guess.

2) I renamed the first and second chapter to prologue just to mess with people, because I too hate prologues quite a lot. But they're kind of like establishing shots. It gets even more confusing without them. (Naruto has a prologue that used to play at the beginning of each episode btw, just saying.)

3) this one is just a, you're right, moment. redoing that part is gonna be an absolute nightmare if I don't restart the whole series though. I shot myself in the foot pretty hard by using page format first. But threat not, I am already at least rewriting it. Pressing the reboot button doesn't hurt as much if I never get any readers in the first place.

4) Regardless of what I think of our friend Walter (cough basic cough) he has something vaguely informational to say once in a blue moon. I cannot overstate my non ironic joy for the fact we both agree on my lettering being utter garbage. Thumbs up there.

From the edit I can tell you may have even red a little past the third episode. My condolences. And thank you for your time. You are the MVP I needed.

EDIT: How do you not know what plot armor is? I mean, yea you can write it as plot ARMOUR as well but ... deamn. sigh maybe I should explain what it is within the plot synopsis for the ... uninitiated? Thanks for showing me that not everyone is in the know.

GesuGesu
Feb '21

Here we go.

  1. Summary is too wordy. Remove the explanatory stuff and give us a hook that sparks interest. Usually a question to be answered if we read it, an important/catchy quote from a character in the comic, etc. Also, remove the (I hope) in parantheses since that shows uncertainty and unprofessionalism.

  2. Storyboarding. You've already improved your formatting for webtoons in the later episodes, so I'm going to critique your latest episode. There are many small things you could do for better readability. For one, your bubbles are gigantic and cover up the panels too much, when the artwork should be the bigger focus in a webcomic. You're not writing a novel. Either that, or your bubbles aren't even attached to the relevant panel it's from.

    academy critique.jpg800x1920 691 KB

    academy critique2.jpg800x1418 593 KB

GayAllAlong_sorry
Feb '21

Another masterpiece, this time with visuals. Fancy.

This feedback is on a level of detail I didn't think possible. Definitely gonna turn those into plot points.
I salute you good sir. Excellent insight!

I'm terribly sorry to impose, but would you glance at this here new version of the synopsis and tell me if it's more catchy to a potential new reader?

"What if all the characters you created were alive?
Where do they learn to behave like comic book characters rather than just regular people?
How do they get their plot armor? You know, that thing that makes them too important to die.
Well, you found the place.

Updates on THURSDAY"

Thank you so much for your time.
You are a true protagonist!

EDIT: Did you re do the shading in that last panel? How do you even begin to be this awesome?

GesuGesu
Feb '21

New synopsis is catchier.

It could be cut down even further so the readers have room to make the questions themselves.
--
They say that you are the protagonist of you own story, but that is not true at all. Some of us struggle, nameless, faceless, and gone within pages.

"Easy for you to say, Main Character."

It's time for the background character to take control of their own fate.
--

First section provides context.
Second section shows off the personality of an unknown character you might be curious about. A line yet to be said in the story.
Third section provides determination. The spark for the plot to take off right away.

Yes, I did shade over your last panel. I chose darker colours.

migxmeg
Mar '21

Woof, this took a lot longer than I thought, but better late than never! Here is some honest reaction/feedback. I’m an artist that reads a lot of comics but not a writer for whatever that’s worth.

Based on title, I assumed this is pitched at a snarky/comedy shounen audience. Having read it, I think that checks out… mostlyish. Looks like you got some feedback on your summary and it is much better than before. The “What if all the characters you created were alive?” doesn’t quite fit for me, because it implies alive in a normal world. Also not a huge fan of summaries that are a bunch of questions – one or two for hook, yes, but I think it pays to think about who will enjoy your comic and just tell them what they're getting into, so they can get into it.

New thumbnail is much much better than old thumbnail, but still not as good as it could be. I think it’s quite aesthetically pleasing actually but unfortunately a bit busy/low contrast/low saturation for getting attention among the other thumbnails.

The font is too small to read on a phone at first – looks like you got feedback on this. I’m not a huge fan of the font itself – I don’t think it matches up with your art style but I stopped noticing that I didn’t like it pretty quickly. Initially I had to work following the order of speech bubbles but they became much more clear/less dense as the series went on.

The art I really like – I’m into those chunky lines and stylized faces and your colors are nice once you added them. Lots of love for Jeremy in "Experiment 0" where he looks extra super cool. I’m also a fan of the cat! Looks fantastic :3. I think I like that the art keeps changing but retains underlying consistency, if that makes sense. Your environments are usually solid and match with your art, but there are some panels where you don’t have one but drew attention to it by making it a dark flat gray and adding just enough detail that it felt like there should be a bg but there wasn’t (I’m thinking particularly of the scene right before Kate/Marshmellow gets her letter). There’s some in #25 where characters are talking and it’s gray behind them – what you did in #26 looks way better.

I found I had a hard time connecting with your characters because there is so much going on world-wise. Meta-ness breaks immersion and I spent more time contemplating the “rules” or rulebreaking of your comic world than getting to know Kate and caring about what happens to her. At the end of reading, I still don’t feel like I know her very well – what she stands for or what I expect she might do in a given situation or even some unique quirky behavior/trait that could help me connect with her more. I got that she wanted to get into school and be a protagonist but it felt like she is a passive character once she’s there, which isn’t super engaging for me.

I came to like Jeremy the most but I couldn’t remember his name without checking. I think his combo of protectiveness but slightly a-hole behavior was endearing – I like those characters that give out unwanted nicknames but also watch out for people. His presence in the gutters with commentary was always welcome (and missed when he wasn’t there haha).

Second favorite character is the scratchy blanket guy – I enjoyed him being an arse.

I didn’t find the Dr. Gray arc super compelling and I think the comic picked up a lot once you got Kate into a room with the other students.

Overall, interesting premise and good art but the focus on clever/interesting ideas overwhelmed the characters for me.

Hope anything here is helpful!

GayAllAlong_sorry
Mar '21

Hell yea that was helpful ^^

Still gonna work on the synopsis based on that feedback. Also the thumbnail. That could use some work. Need to do some research and maybe wait another month or so before changing it again.

Kate being seen as a passive character right now is actually quite good. That tells me I set up the "become a more active protagonist" ark kind of correctly.

I picked the name Jeremy based on the fact that it is the least fitting/memorable name for an OP character I could come up with ... So someone telling me they couldn't remember it without having to check is also great to be honest.

That being said, I think I'll take away from this that I need to do more with the interpersonal connections between the characters and reveal the world at a slower pace.

Thank you for your time and detailed feedback.

PS: That cat's ark / c-plot is gonna be incredibly fun to draw ... will probably also piss off ... like so many different people. Really looking forward to that.