Please review our work :)

[lunchtiiime12]

Hey everyone,

I've been lurking around the forums posting here and there, and just realized that Tapastic has a cool review board. I'm really interested in some feedback, because I've never made anything like this before - and I'd like to make it a success of course

It's called Lunch Tiiime! and it's your fairly typical school club story about a gaggle of girls that join a computer coding club to produce software and have lunch together. We have a really nice plot written out, and an artist diligently working to help us get things rolling. I'm interested in any advice or critiques with our progress to this point (though I realize we haven't posted much yet, we just got started a couple of weeks ago.)

This community seems to be really amazing in terms of friendly feedback, so there it is.

It's Lunch Tiiime!

Thanks a bunch,

A. D. (Aaron) Birch

[Doubtcent]

First I gotta say, wow.
Your art is really up there.
I'm not worthy.
Subscribed.

[lunchtiiime12]

That's incredibly nice of you to say. I'm just the noob writer -- but I will definitely send along your sentiments.

[GaleG]

(Excuse my english, it's not my first language.)
The plot you decided to use in your comic seems pretty original. Never would I have thought to make a manga styled comic, slice of life, where girls join a coding club! (Maybe it's because I am in a coding club and there's only one girl, other than me, but still! Pretty original!) It's interesting!
And the art-style is so soft, yet detailed! It's amazing! I'm so going to subscribe

Keep up the awesome work!

[lunchtiiime12]

Thanks much! That was a big question for us. "Is this original?" I think it is, and the characters are definitely unique. Thanks

[blop]

Hi !
The plot seams original indeed, which is cool. Now we need to have more content to be able to review your story, I can't say if it's good or not yet because there is so few pages.
About the drawings, they are pretty good as a reader, I usually can't read a comic if the drawing level is to low, cause it get me out of the story. Here I don't have any problem with it, it's a good job.
The only thing that bothers me are the backgrounds that are to obviously CG. I don't have any problem with using a software to help with the backgrounds, but I'd redraw above the CG so it gets a more "sketchy" feeling.
Anyway that's just my opinion, I don't think it is such a big deal.

[lunchtiiime12]

Much appreciated, thanks so much. We are actually going to get rid of the CG backgrounds, it was the preferred style of our original artist, who has since moved on. We're going to change some things and clean up a bit. I want to release every Friday morning, so yeah we have a bunch made but not a bunch published yet. Trying to give the new artist(s) some time to build us a backload. Thanks so much.

[Benzy]

I have to say the art is very good and the story seems original and fun. It's still a little early to do any kind of review of the story, pacing and plotline so I will keep my comments about the art.

I've already said the art is good, very good, so my critiques will definitely be splitting hairs. The CG use was already addressed, fine to use but it needs to be incorporated into the style better to make everything cohesive. I feel like this comic suffers from something a lot of manga comics have and that is very very similar looking characters. Based on the banner art there are no variations in face shape or body type. The only thing that makes the characters appear different is the hair and eyelash shape. I know you are going for that manga look, but I know when I read a comic I adore seeing diversity in the characters, when people go the extra mile to make characters have different body types, face structures and skin tones. It may be something to consider while making the art for the comic going forward. Other then that it looks great and I look forward to reading more.

[lunchtiiime12]

Thanks, Benzy. I had never considered the look of the characters. One is taller than the rest, but really for the most part aside from heights, there isn't much difference. I'll see if I can talk to the new artist about that. That's a really good point.

[lunchtiiime12]

Hey guys,

We're up to (nearly) 7 pages on a weekly release schedule now. I'd love for you to take another look, those of you who may have been waiting for more pages to appear.

Much appreciated, and feel free to ask if you'd like me to take a look at yours as well. I'm only one Sub, I wish I could give everyone 5000, but I'll definitely read it!

Thanks,

AD

[ivyemiko]

I really like it! Amazing work too! Me is jelly! Teach me senpai! =^_^=
And that would be awesome if you can check mine!

[nathankschulz]

Hey I'm already a fan, but either way: Great Work!

[PixyByte]

It seems like you've already gotten critiques by many people, but I'll just throw my 2cents in just in case other's haven't mentioned something.
I may just be really picky, but there are some things that kind of bugged me a little. I love the writing so far, I see nothing wrong with that :D.
The speech bubbles tend to get in the way in some frames, such as your most recent episode, the first 2 panels seem like the speech bubbles are in the way. Also, why are the bubbles so oddly shaped and uneven? Personally, I like smooth circles/ovals/rectangles/etc. that are usually created by a shape tool of some sort. Less distracting that way.
Also, the characters look too much alike. I know they wear different outfits, but they still look like they could be related. How about trying different body/face shapes? Distinctive physical features (glasses/freckles/big nose/different jaw)?
Other than those things, it's really well drawn and I enjoyed it. These issues might just be me, but I thought I'd put it out there and you can do with it what you want. Overall, great work!

[mclaintag]

Enjoyed the episodes that are up. Great art style. I enjoyed seeing each character's personality being shown through their actions. Looking forward to more. Subscribed.

[lunchtiiime12]

Hey thanks so much.

A lot of your ideas make a lot of sense. I prefer round ovals as well, but the artist chose to use that style. We actually have a new artist now (the previous one was fantastic but just couldn't keep up with our schedule) and I'll make sure to pass this thread along to him. The new artist is much more "organic" so to speak in the way he draws, the lines won't be quite as hard, and it will look a "little" more webcomic friendly (though we definitely intend to print this as a manga when the first season is complete.)

The new artist has also been changing some things around to make the girls appear to be more diverse. We've heard that from a couple of places are are going to address it.

Thanks so much,

AD

[lunchtiiime12]

Thank you that is very nice of you to say. We're still new at this but are working through some of the bumps in the road.