EIGHTH UPDATE! (Replies 56-82)
I know Iâm digging my own grave by continually reviving this every few weeksâŚbut I donât mind too much. ^^ Progress is progress~
That Damned Dog @saffasas
-I usually donât say this, butâŚI think the updates are too short! >_<
Thereâs really not enough in them for them to feel satisfying, even on a daily paceâŚhonestly I think thatâd just make it annoying, to have to come back to the comic every day for a week just to read a complete conversationâŚ
=The rough, simplistic art style is surprisingly charming~. There are a few composition issues, but you can definitely see skill in there.
I think you could definitely afford to consolidate those daily two-panel updates into one big weekly update, thoughâŚI dunno if youâre still doing dailies, but as for those first five pages, I would have preferred what Iâd seen if Iâd gotten to read it all in one episode.
Finding an Angelâs Peace @Absol
-Itâs a little weird that the first three sentences have the same basic structure: âAAAAA, I did BBBBBâ. Just a random thing I noticedâŚ
-The writing is good, but veryâŚover-describedâŚ
=This may sound weird, but I think you should consider writing this novel in the third person, rather than the first. All the lengthy descriptions of mundane elements/objects in MCâs life arenât exactly unwarranted (although a good portion of them could definitely stand to be cut outâŚ), but they donât fit first-person narration. 1st person is usually used to get into the MCâs head and describe the events as they would see them and think about themâŚwhich usually doesnât involve thorough descriptions of clothes they wear literally every day.
3rd person writing can get away with stuff like that more often, though, because itâs not necessarily meant to sound like an actual person living their life. You have a strong narrative voice; I think you could handle the switch if you wanted to.
Sleepwalkers @dannygorny
-Wow, Iâm impressed by the banner and cover artâŚ
-âŚAnd not so much with the art in the actual comic. Itâs not bad, but itâs definitely not as good...I guess thatâs pretty common with Western comics, though.
-The dialogueâŚoh my god. I felt like I was having a strokeâŚ
It gets much more natural on the next page, but that first little convo on Page 4 was justâŚwell, consider the following:
âWe have to be responsible for xâ->âDonât we?â (Did you mean to write âdo we??â)
âI see the best minds of my generationâŚetcâ (Completely unrelated to her previous statementâŚand apparently ignoring her friendâs comment)
âCynicâ (how was that cynical???)
âThis is the first stepâ (thatâs basically what she just said to you, dude)
âDonât be so naĂŻveâ (HOW WAS THAT NAĂVE)
Like, the words themselves are comprehensible, but the conversation as a whole has no discernible logical progression. O_O And itâs baffling, especially considering the sudden return to normalcy on the very next page.
=Overall, it has a very professional look, which will definitely make a good initial impression on readers. But it seems to fall apart upon closer scrutinyâŚI ignored the logic of the floating quotes on the first three pages, assuming they were just a random conversation that I didnât understand yet. But if Page 4 is any indication I have to at least suspect that they might actually be the same kind of nonsense, which calls into question the substance of the rest of the story.
LikeâŚjust saying random, loosely-connected philosophical phrases every once in a while does not make characters sound smart, not to anyone with any significant level of reading comprehension. Just FYIâŚ
