Struggling with Disabilities, but determined not to stop

TheYuriCanon 2016-07-07 12:52:44 UTC #1

Not sure where to post this, but I'm wondering how many of you continue to create even when life makes it very difficult. I've been disabled since High school, pretty much told I'd never work a real job. Started doing comics due to the support of a local comic shop owner, but a few year of self publishing and conventions I collapsed and was forced to quit due to my health. 8 years ago my wife talked me into creating comics again, because I love to tell stories, but she watches me carefully so I don't have another relapse... only thing is last year my health got worse, causing my hands to shake uncontrollably and even freeze up entirely, also sent my usual anxiety and depression soaring. Being told it could be life threatening really made me think things over. It's alright, I have medication to keep me going... just scary really. After a year I returned to drawing again. Started studying 3d programming as an alternative if I'm forced to quit drawing I can continue my already long running series, Inside OuT, even started up a Patreon to help pay for the equipment needed to continue. It's just rough and I have to remind myself why I do this, which is for my readers.

So... anyone else struggling with unusual issues , but can't see yourself quitting?

jono_thompson 2016-07-07 13:32:23 UTC #2

After high school, I too struggled with an onset of illness (mental health related). I had a psychosis, where I lost touch with reality and couldn't tell what was real and what was fantasy - I believe the world was a big puzzle that I had to unlock before the end of the world. It was a very intense time for me. I was medicated and talked to plenty of Doctors and Psychiatrists that helped me get back on track. But once I was better I found out my Dad had cancer, so that spiraled me into a depression. Eventually I was able to recover and get back into a normal balanced life. I returned to uni and even moved into a student residence which was amazing. But sure enough I had another psychosis due to stress and stuff - this one being more intense that the first and took me a long time to recover. I also picked up anxiety and that was a struggle as well.

During highschool I was convinced I was going to be a cartoonist, but after these incidents with my health that dream kinda died. I studied Graphic Design in university, and have graduated with a qualification from that. I even set up my own freelance graphic design business - but it wasn't able to financially support me.

So really my mental health disability (I have to take my tablets for life) affected my dream to draw comics as a career, well that was what I thought. Now I've become determined that I can make my dreams a reality, whatever life throws at me. I won't quit - one of the helpful things that has got me back into it has been Tapastic. I've been looking for a good comic community like this for a while and finally came across it.

I've even thought about creating a comic/graphic novel that explores what I experienced - since there aren't many comics out there (at least in my experience) that look into the topic of mental health, illness and disabilities.

With my comic Moments I try to keep them as positive and funny as I can so it can help those in tough times - because laughter is an excellent medicine.

jacintawibowo 2016-07-07 16:13:47 UTC #3

I'm not someone with a disability myself, but my mentor was disabled. She's also the most hard working, intelligent, and skilled artist I've ever met. She suffered strokes, anxieties, and was physically crippled on her drawing hand because of how much she drew. She's highly respected in the industry, that when I mentioned her to some animation folks at CTN, their jaws dropped. I can't sing praises about my mentor enough, and she always made it clear to us that "If I'm a cripple and I can do it, then you guys can do it!"
My thoughts: don't give up! You can be a great artist regardless of what disabilities you have. Just- don't feel bad about taking breaks in between, either. Your health comes first before drawing (I would say this to my mentor too).

sarrowsmith10 2016-07-07 16:23:05 UTC #4

I don't have a disability, but I still have my own demons I struggle with. I drew alot in highschool and college, and those were some of the happiest and most carefree times in my life. Then a week after I came home from college, my dad passed away, his evil business partner stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from his company (and stole a truck from the company), left my mom's life in ruins, bankrupted us (the Fed drained both my mom's and my bank accounts and life savings), we filed for bankruptcy, lost our house to foreclosure, were homeless for a short span, my mom was diagnosed with Parkingsons Disease.... it goes on and on for like a year.

I also got married that year and had a wonderful husband who picked up the pieces despite having a disability himself. He actually got me drawing comics as a way to cope with all the troubles in my life. Having something to work on, making goals, finishing each issue of the comic, making friends and working with Terri (the writer) really made life worth living and gave me something to look forward to.

Honestly, I look at making comics as an escape. When it becomes the cause of problems in my life that's when I have to walk away. Not to say I give up when comic making presents challenges (low readership, meeting deadlines, computer crashing, etc), but I always keep in mind that I'm working on my dream and this whole thing is suppose to bring me happiness.

Michelle 2016-07-07 17:12:00 UTC #6

It's inspiring to hear so many people continue creating in the face of so many struggles. I'm really happy for everyone who keeps fighting the fight and making comics!

I've had depression, anxiety, and panic attacks since childhood and it's been a difficult journey in learning to cope with it, especially when exacerbated by bad living situations and relationships. I'm grateful that in the last 6 years I've had my extremely supportive and patient partner by my side, and we've been able to support ourselves enough to arrange for a more peaceful living situation. It really makes a huge difference in my ability to deal with the day-to-day.

Still, there are days/weeks/months where depression knocks me on my ass and I have to claw my way up to get much of anything done. My comic is one of my main motivators in life, because I know I need to stick around to tell my stories. And having a comic with people that care about it gives me motivation to pick up the stylus and keep working on it even in the worst of times. It's also hugely beneficial for me to always have something to constantly be working on and striving toward. Which is probably why I'm able to hide my illnesses from most people, because I look like I'm always hard at work producing new stuff-- but honestly if I wasn't constantly busy I'd fall back into the pit really quickly.

TomSawyer 2016-07-07 19:04:29 UTC #7

@TheYuriCanon @jono_thompson @FunctionCreep

How do you feel completely comfortable talking about yourself?
Maybe this is self-acceptance, but still telling people online?

If i had an issue i would probably deal with it and not tell anyone

It's also hard for me to call it inspiring
Because all i would feel is pity

On topic. I also can't bring myself to stop trying

indagold 2016-07-07 19:12:38 UTC #8

well I had a full manic psychotic mental breakdown at 14 but magically recovered on medicine and been stable for 8 years. I guess lucks on my side. Nothing interfering with my work except my possibe dyslexia I've been trying to get a diagnosis for years because my old school was too cheap and told my mom boys only get diagnoses. I spent over 10 years thinking I was an idiot due to my poor grades and reading skills! haha!

TheYuriCanon 2016-07-07 19:46:59 UTC #9

Thanks, everyone for posting. Was feeling a bit drained this week. Had to keep telling myself I got a lot finished, even when it feels like so little at times. I'm glad to see so many of you continue when life makes it difficult. Interesting how many of us turned to comic creating to help cope. Wish you all the best in your battles and creations.

For me I kind of had to explain my situation because I suddenly had to quit conventions, lectures and pretty much anything that involved going outside. A lot of people didn't understand what was going on so I had to explain things. Then just last year I found couldn't draw due to this new illness and started trying new programs in an attempt to figure out how to work around it. I couldn't really hide the fact that this was all happening and my readers worry about me. I accepted that I'm disabled a long time ago, but instead of letting it get me down I pushed forward. I get a number of emails and messages thanking me because it helps to know there are others like yourself, that it is possible to push through and continue on.

I used to feel that way, but then realized it is only pity if you use your disabilities as an excuse. What we are doing telling each other is that it is possible to keep going no matter what. Athletes and musicians and actors do it all the time, so why not artist. In a way it is a way to help support each other by giving positive stories about battling dark times. I know a number of artist who just quit due to the pressure of trying to keep up, but seeing others continue helps them, it helps me.

That is the idea! Keep moving forward.

jono_thompson 2016-07-08 00:11:13 UTC #10

@TomSawyer I guess it is self-acceptance, but I don't see what I experienced altogether as a bad thing - I see it as all part of the narrative. And I like to tell people the story (as long as they don't judge me) because it's my own 'hero's journey', the hard parts are just the crisis situations of the story, right before the victory turning point.
I would say everyone's story of suffering can be inspiring, if they are able to work through it and continue on - it's something that absolutely everyone on the planet can relate to - the fact that we all have suffered, one way or another.

SpavVy 2016-07-08 00:45:06 UTC #11

I struggle with anxiety, depression, and Aspergers.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 18 and then diagnosed with Aspergers about two years ago when I was 21 (I'm 23 now) I have been trying to get assistance for my issues for a while and have been denied it. Since elementary school teachers knew something was off and I always needed special help which made me a target for bullying, back then they just believed I had a learning disability but my family just thought I was being lazy which my family gave me a lot of shit about and it may have had an influence for my anxiety and depression. Once I was finally diagnosed with high functioning autism my family felt horrible and thought I could have gotten better help through my school years. Soon I will be moving in with my mother and she will be getting me help which is reassuring. Since school and just overall life was tough growing up I would draw just to find an escape. Even though I have been planning my comic for years and have dreams for it, it's still something I use to just relax and help me forget about my anxiety or depression.

WakaXO 2016-07-08 03:36:51 UTC #12

I have chronic back, shoulder and neck pain and also struggle with anxiety, I don't usually talk about my back/neck pain because it runs in the family and I am used to being around others who are in the same pain as me or even more. But there are days I can't even turn my head my neck pain is so great. Though I never saw my pain as a disability, or at least I am determined not to let it be. I have a stringent exercise regimen and diet plan, as long as I follow them I am not to bad off. I also have to see a chiropractor quite often because my back goes out all the time. I have a bunch of stretches for when I am drawing, because when I sit too long my back can seize up.

But I keep drawing despite the pain because it helps with my anxiety, my art makes the world fade away and helps me clear my head. But again I don't see my pain as a reason to quit doing the things I love, I would rather change my life style and learn to cope (Which is what I did )

TopJimComics 2016-07-08 12:38:26 UTC #13

I have a type of muscular dystrophy. It causes weakness in every muscle, but mainly hits my face, neck, and shoulders. My symptoms first started in high school when I became unable to lift my arms above my head, but then they really didn't progress for over 20 years. But earlier this year, one weekend I suddenly got weakness in my right ankle and now I have foot drop. I decided to deal with it by writing a comic about the experience. A lot of people don't understand muscular dystrophy and that there are different types, and I figured I'd try to educate and infuse humor into it with my comic. So far it is going well (just 3 comics in). I think it's been more beneficial to me than to anyone else because it's hard as an introvert to express to people how I feel by having it.

I can't see myself quitting, and I'm glad that you aren't quitting despite your issues @TheYuriCanon. Remember to also do this for yourself, not just your readers. I think comics can be a great way to express yourself and your feelings that you can't always do otherwise.

greyshire 2016-07-08 15:38:19 UTC #15

Thanks everyone for the things you make despite what life throws at you!! I think it says a lot about how much love each of you have for the stories you're telling, and that's pretty inspiring.

TheYuriCanon 2016-07-08 18:52:25 UTC #16

TopJimComics:

I have a type of muscular dystrophy. It causes weakness in every muscle, but mainly hits my face, neck, and shoulders. My symptoms first started in high school when I became unable to lift my arms above my head, but then they really didn't progress for over 20 years. But earlier this year, one weekend I suddenly got weakness in my right ankle and now I have foot drop. I decided to deal with it by writing a comic about the experience. A lot of people don't understand muscular dystrophy and that there are different types, and I figured I'd try to educate and infuse humor into it with my comic. So far it is going well (just 3 comics in). I think it's been more beneficial to me than to anyone else because it's hard as an introvert to express to people how I feel by having it.

Educating people is always a good idea. I have been doing that with a lot of my stories, but mostly on darker subjects like child abuse, suicide and other such things. I remember when I first started I just said "To hell with it." and wrote what I wanted to talk about. Didn't expect people to like those stories as much as they did, since they were a psychological mess. However, the story I'm posting here now is a lot more light hearted and fluffy dealing with gender expression and identity than anything else.

Thanks, I do just that. I mean I got a number of complaints because people didn't like the issues I dealt with, but I continue on. If I don't like the story I'm writing I can't draw it. Interestingly enough I was actually asked to hold lectures a while back on the subject of "self expression through comics" that is until I couldn't do that thing anymore... It really is a good way to cope and help others understand the issues we have to face.

Keep strong, all of you!

indagold 2016-07-08 20:43:50 UTC #17

I don't at all but if it's on a forum or someone's post I might. I don't ever put this stuff in my main accounts where it's out in the open.

Aspie_Gamer 2016-07-08 23:39:44 UTC #18

Hoorah! A fellow Aspie Sorry to hear that you went undiagnosed for so long. I too have it as you may have already guessed from my username alone. Since I've always been easily distracted as far I can remembered coupled with being generally lazy i.e I'd always put off school work in favor of playing video games for example, its been a challenge up until recently for me to be motivated to work on my comic Life of an Aspie. Like you, I've also been the target of bullying most of my life and I've suffered my fair share of social anxiety (introvert and proud. lol) and depression which was another reason why I've struggled up until recently to find the time to sit down and work on my comic.

NickRowler 2016-07-11 01:58:22 UTC #19

I was diagnosed with MDD (Major Depression Disorder) when I was about 9 or 10. (Thou I do believe there were warning signs earlier, like me crying a lot in 1st Grade).

I guess my depression has always been something that got in my way. Sometimes it does help drive me but other times (like right now) it makes me want to just stop drawing. I have other issues happening in my life which feed my depression and as it is, my comics represent nothing more then the "world" I created to escape from reality.

Even though being a depressed mess, I was able to push out 118 pages for Crow's Worth. I do plan to do more, I just need to "feel better" first.

TheYuriCanon 2016-07-13 00:22:30 UTC #20

Depression tends to be very common among artist I'm finding. It can be a real struggle to deal with. My Mental issues came with a crap load of depression and anxiety that really effects my work a lot. But I'm finding I just need to know when to take a break and when to sit down and tell myself to draw something, anything, just to get myself going again. I'm also lucky because I found my soulmate and she can tell just by the speed of my typing, when working on a new story or scripting, if I'm in a bad mood and will pull me away and tell me to go play a game or something. She also kicks me in the butt when I'm dragging my feet for too long.

I wonder if there is a way to create an online motivational thing for battling depression. A way for us to support one another. shrugs

Good luck to you and keep strong.

BlueWindyHood 2016-07-13 10:11:29 UTC #21

I've been disabled since birth. I'm autistic and light sensitive epileptic (and carpal tunnel, and severe scoliosis, and asthma, and an ankle I broke that never quite healed right, and I'm hard of hearing...). It's always made life really difficult for me (especially when US military doctors INSISTED I had ADD, rather than testing me for what I ACTUALLY have) I tried to work in my final year of High School, and even some after it, but work left me extremely exhausted to the point where I couldn't get out of bed the following day. I stopped working for real when I was 22, and have only done babysitting and volunteer work since then, aside from commissions and patreon work.

I don't try to do mainstream work anymore, but I've found ways around my other issues and work from home. It sucks but I'm managing it now.

shaneoid77 2016-07-13 12:09:43 UTC #22

I have chronic depression, social anxiety and currently struggling with diabetes and I find doing my comic a great way to get away from all those woes and be in happy superhero fantasy land, that is when the diabetes isn't knocking me out. Must stay off the biscuits! But it's one of the reasons I commented in a recent thread about success of your comic, I think when you're battling so much illness, just getting your work out there is a success. It has been for me. And we shouldn't belittle those achievements in relation to subscribers or page hits.

I think just being in a positive environment helps. The internet can be that, but sometimes it's a cruel place. But just knowing there's people out there who are empathetic enough to want to help is inspiring