In my life, I always fail.
For me, everything that doesn't go as planned in a more negative context is a failure. No matter how actually I love it or how does it means for me, failure is failure. I'm quick to call things as failure, it's much better than sense of false security which deceives you.
For example, I expect to answer questions in a conference correctly and fluently. No matter how much I'm being correct, if I'm not fluent or trailing off when answering, I can't call it a success. I will over time understand the situation, learn, and evaluate it, but calling it a success? Absolutely no.
The thing is I don't plan much, so I got less base if it's a failure or not.
My current works and attempts are failure.
Out of 3000 something people who read it, only 107 people who find it interesting, and only less than 10 who actually read it (only 6--7 likes); my expectation is to have sub as much as 10% from view, and the active ones are at least 25%. You cannot call such a work as "good" and "interesting" because the 2083 people are disgusted from the first view, and it's not well-received or performs par compared to similar story with similar starting stat. It's probably one of the biggest failure I have, it makes me think twice from calling myself an author.
However, I'm dedicated to this failure and ended up attached to it; even if the thing fails miserably, I'm still continuing and put my effort to it. I will fight to make this failure better.
I'm tired of people saying "failure is a postponed success," because I feel like failing everytime and everything I do and my success is postponed 100 years in the future. I'm tired of fighting something I would never win, I'm tired of being something I would never be the best at. I fail because of my inferiority and lack of chances, nobody have a point to postpone or cancel it like a plane ticket.
I don't need a journey, I need teleportation; journey is not an objective, the destination is. While what we got in the journey is valuable, but what's the point if we keep wandering out lost in the wilderness.
People don't care about how the defeated fights, they only care about the winners, they only acknowledge losers until they become absolute best at something. We live in a materialistic worlds where you are valued by how you contribute and how you are valued, not the value inside yourself. Nobody wants to pay for effort, we strive for practicality and goal. I just can't help it.