You shouldn't, there is no money in it for me. Go away boy, ya bother me. I've got ailments to remedy and humors to balance. Bang up the elephant!*
(That last part is actually a Victorian term, so it would have still be used by older guys in the 1920s. I promise!)
Ladies and gentlemen!
Step up and see this new creation!
Are you tired of love triangles? Tired of the same-old character choosing the "better" love interest? Well I have just the cure for you! Introducing My Mother's Boss2 a different take on the love triangle.
You won't regret it, I promise 
Ladies and gentleman! Gather round! I have here a story of unfathomable glory. Impossible you say? Well come closer and let me tell you! This is a story of gods and Paladins, of war and love. Now don't jump the gun! This isn't like all those other stories of a hero running off to save the world! In fact, the hero of the tale hates being the hero! Yes you heard right, she hates it! You want to hear more? Well of course you do! Don't be the fool who misses out on this epic story of a young woman who desperately tries to reject her destiny only to be pulled into it kicking and screaming by a woman who is perfect heo! No I should tell you, this is no story for the faint of heart. The battles are many and the love will tear your heart strings, but I promise you the clothes on my back if I'm lying, it's a story you won't be able to put it down. (ahh that was fun!)
Welcome, welcome, Ladies and Gentlefolks!
You will not believe what I will show you today, a story of Mystery! Action! Fantastic Adevntures which will make your blood boil and your heart skip a beat!
And not in one chapter, oh no! Not two or three... EIGHT!
Eight chapters and counting in this amazing tale of rebellion, treachery and the struggle of a young - though not very ladylike - lady in forging her own rebel group to oppose the cruel ruling Mages of her world!
How much for this fantastic elixir, you ask? Oooooh, dear sir, I am but a humble servant for mankind, I could take 100$ for this phantastic adventure, but no! For the good of mankind, I am not only giving it away for FREE, I also add occasional side comics and sketches on top of it!
However, if you insist on making the world a better place, please feel free, to splash a few ink drops in my way! I will take them to make this story even MORE epic! Ooooh, the drama! The political intrigues! The suspense!
Ladies and Gentlemen! take a look and Remember the story!
Welcome, folks! Gather around so I can show you the fantastic tales of the mysterious Madame Dragyn! Follow the story of a witch trying to get by in a dark malicious world. Get it while you can!
Oh, you think that this is just your general fantasy? Well, that's where you are wrong, gentle sir! This particular story has magic, romance, drama, mystery, and murders most foul! It's like nothing you've ever seen before!
This novel defies all odds and boggles the mind! You will not be disappointed, and once you start, you won't be able to stop!
inhales deeply
Madam! Yes, you madam! The one reading the forum posts! Are you unsatisfied with this world? Would you like to escape it all and journey to the stars? Might you appreciate a life full or adventure and travel to exotic worlds? I thought you looked like a potential explorer.
Have you considered alien abduction?
The abduction process is fast and efficient and thrilling -- I promise all these things and more! Leave your pocketbook behind because it won't cost you one cent. You can be the representative for your entire planet, Madam.
Just step inside the skin of Candide, a protagonist with absolutely no personality of his own. No personality means no character traits to get in the way of your emersion -- I promise all this and more.
Plot? There is none! Our alienists have removed all traces of a plot. You are free to move from one random scene to another without fear of linear progression -- I promise all this and more!
Just step inside!
P.S. "Alienist" is actually an old-timey term for a psychologist.
Folks, gather round and lend me your ears and eyes! This one little thing will work wonder for all that ails you! No money, no friends? No power? Fear not ladies and gentleman, your life is far from over! My little comic here will put a spring in your step and honey in your eye! Watch and be amazed how this little girl can do things that you've never seen before! Laugh in vindictive schadenfreude as she gets hurt! Nobody will say you're wrong for doing so! I know I will! So come on down folks, take that time from your day to come and read the perils, adventures, and comical pratfalls of our dear old Calamity Jane!
Howdy, folks, howdy! Gather 'round, I guarantee y'all are going to want to hear. Don't be afraid, now. Hustle in a little nearer! That's right, see?
Now, I see some of you here today are lookin' a little peaky! No, don't be alarmed, 'cause I've got the curative fusion you need right here with me today!
Well let me tell you, see, I have a product here with me today that I personally guarantee will free your children from parasites, and cure your boredom while we're at it! Did I mention how beautiful you are, folks? See, look at yourselves, see how beautiful you are!
Imagine how much more beautiful you'd be if you kept all your own teeth?
WELL fortunately this here product will not only free your children from parasites, see, but it'll also make sure you keep all your own pearly whites! Yes, that's right, see, no more cavities! None of the toothrot! No need to see that quack you call a dentist around here! Y'all can keep those smiles for years until the smallpox kills you! Uh, I mean... I'll be back by then, with the cure for smallpox, don't you fret, see?
Take two of these and call me in the morning and I guarantee all your problems will suddenly seem inconsequential compared to these poor bastards' lives MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR!
Also your teeth will be amazing!
(Also this is literally the best thread in the history of all threads hahaha)
Come one, come all! Open up your minds and unplug your ears, and gaze into the crystal ball of Delphine, for it will tell you a tale that you won't soon forget!
For this here story is filled with the spectacular and the impossible! With a bit of mystery and even some adventure.
This tale has supernatural circuses with mesmerizing humbuggers and spectacular sorcerers. It has those who see things yet to come, and those who hear whispers of the dead. And of course, a witch that hails from the bloodline of the infamous Lefaye.
And what does it cost to experience such a story? Nothing! It's absolutely free!! Though drops of ink are always much appreciated.
All you to do is follow the magical blue letters and Enjoy!
Ladies, are you fatigued by the search for representation in history books?
Does the notion that you don't contribute as much to history as your male counterparts cause depression?
Does male dominance of the traditional comic book industry wear you down?
Do you suffer irritation at the hands of loudmouth Comicsgaters?
Gentlemen, are you plagued by the belief that women can't make history just as well as men can?
THIS is the solution you all need!
Oh yes come closer, feel the exciting life of a detective. Dive into mysterious cases fighitng the supernatural creatures with a sexy, beautiful and stunning Succubus as your patner. And she is in love with you. Oh the glory. But beware, do not touch her too much or you will meet the hideous Grotheske. Still it would be a ride to have her atention hehehe. Twists, romance, forbidden love awaits you in the pages of this marvelous piece of writting. Weekly episodes and many surprises to come. Come closer, subcribe. YES, it is only begining!!
ROLL UP, ROLL UP!
Come get a glimpse, ladies and gentlemen, of the most miraculous, stupendous, all around fabulous narrative this side of the great Mississippi!
You want adventure?
You got it!
You want magic?
I have it in droves!
You want just a splash of romance to spice things up?
Look no further!
Try a chapter of "TWISTED TALES" today to cure the ache in your heart, the ache that can only be filled by tales of the fantastic! Come see our intrepid heroine Rikki Collins struggle to rescue five fairy tale princesses before their stories end in happily ever never! Root for her as she prepares to face off against an ancient evil, waking from a hundred year slumber! Offer your "ooh"s as she engages in hand-to-hand combat with witches, wolves, and sorceresses, and you "aww"s as she finds love in the face of her darkest hours!
Try "TWISTED TALES" today, and find what you've been missing in your life! (Updated every Wednesday and Friday like clockwork)
Eggs and dewdroppers, tomatoes and cake eaters: take a gander at THIS fine offer!
Sitting at just over one chapter with 23 "episodes" and 72 subscribers Alli Ascending is ripe for readin'!! And why read it you ask? It'll make you grow taller, your hair shiner, your skin clearer, help you sleep through the night-- why is there anything Alli Ascending CAN'T do?
Ne'erdowells and bluenoses alike, get ready to know your onions-- quite literally, I'm afraid!! This darb of a tale follows youtuber Alli as she makes a doozie of a misstep while summoning a wish granting demon called the Onion Man! When the Onion Man turns out to be a real tough customer, Alli gets into a jam!!
What happens next? Well, my friends, read Alli ascending and you'll know for sure!!
Currently on a break, but returning very soon.
(This was both the most ridiculous prompt for a promo thread and also the most refreshing lmao)
@blazeclifton See here my good man, you have a quality product on your hands here! Very interested in seeing where your story goes!
