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Mar 2019

i haven’t dealt with social anxiety for awhileee but i had it pretty bad as a teen! (what helped me the most was bejnf drafted which i can’t reccomend at all)
anyway. ditto on all of these comments. clothing is super important not only with extravagant things but honestly just with like, your own comfort zone. if you’re younger and not picking your own clothes yet, just go out and get yourself like 1 hoodie, wear that for comfort. connect to your truer self.
anywho

tip 1 (by my therapist at the time):
slowly get used to the idea overtime. if you have a problem with retail (let’s face it, we all do), day 1 start by just walking by it. day 2 get closer. day 3 enter the store. honestly, take as long as you need. just slowly build up that tolerance, even if it seems silly, it’ll help.

tips 2 & 3 & 4 (by yours truly)
2- take a friend with you. or family, to those who feel calmer comfortable with that. having someone willing to take over if you’re at a breaking point, and just having someone you trust to back you up helps a ton.
3- don’t talk? ( p specific to retail but-) 99% of stores are just like you put the thing on the counter, pay, and leave. it doesn’t eliminate the anxiety but it could help a bit knowing basically you don’t really need to do anything. get in, pay, get out. if you can prepare the exact amount that needs paying beforehand i used to do that alll the time lol

and lastly, 4, this is a bitttt more extreme but if you have problems when talking to people and you have to, pre-write what you need said and just hand it over in written form. literally just give the person a piece of paper with what you want said instead of speaking.
to be fair tho, that’s aversion and you don’t wanna use it too much.

(editing the post because people were getting angry) One tip: if you wanna dress outlandish and weird in public it might make anxiety worse because people might be mean or cold to you so its up to you if you wanna do that. there's no magic to the clothes you wear to get over anxiety, its about your personality and how your hold yourself not what you look like. Also never fake your personality or put on an act or pretend you're someone else, its not genuine. Just be you.

others: Get a job even if its packing cans, participate it some community event or social event and force yourself out of your comfort zone. Literally thats all it is. Everytime you feel scared of doing something or talking to someone, not doing it makes your anxiety worse. The more you force a conversation out of yourself even if you have nothing to say the less anxious you feel about doing it. yeah I get it, you're awkward and you stumble, no one cares. Just do it and eventually all your fears of social interaction will mellow out.

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I never said anyone had to 'dress silly', I said to wear what you like. People here have mentioned jackets, hoodies...if it makes you feel even a little bit better about yourself, wear it. That's all I suggested.

And if that wouldn't help you or if it would make things '300% worse' for you, that's your opinion. You shouldn't disparage the idea entirely just because it doesn't benefit you. Maybe for other people, there is a certain magic to the clothes they wear.

There's no one-size-fits-all solution to problems like anxiety. =/

You said you want to wear armor and some people on here say wear cosplay. It's a really bad idea because you're not gonna get the responses you want unless it was at an event like comic con. People are gonna be rude to you or snicker which is gonna make your anxiety worse. It's not an opinion its just how people act and you need to be aware of that. For some people that will make their anxiety much worse.

if people literally said they felt more comfortable in their own experience in that type of clothing i dont think its our place to tell them theyre... wrong?
we're all just sharing personal experiences here, what works for some might not for others~~

Please don't belittle what has worked for other people. It's fine if that doesn't work for you but for some people it does help. I specifically said that I wore cosplay at cons and it was a way to be in crowds and be more confident in situation I would normally find terrifying. No one is saying wear anything silly. A leather jacket and red lipstick was mentions, not silly. Fishnet gloves, not silly. No one is saying "yeah wear the most ridiculous outfit you can find". Guess what, clothes can make you feel better. It's why some women wear sexy underwear even if its not going to be seen, or why people have lucky socks, or why people splash out on suits.

And please don't talk in such definite. Just because it doesn't work for your personally doesn't mean you can tell everyone else what they shouldn't do when it works for them. As I mentioned, I was working with an actual therapist at the time. If cosplay was harmful and definitely going to make me worse, don't you think a trained professional is more qualified to tell me that than someone on a forum? And it's not about "getting over" anxiety it's tips to help you feel better and dealing with it.

I used to be completely dysfunctional because I had so much anxiety that even trying to cross a street made me cry. Here's what helps ground me.

1- no one cares. Keep this in mind. Repeat it any time you start worrying about what other people are thinking about you. They're not thinking about you. They're busy and they've got their head up their own asses. You can do a LOT of weird shit before anyone even notices, and they will not even care or remember five minutes after noticing. I actively stare at people who pass me on the sidewalk. I make faces at them. No one has noticed in the YEARS I've been doing this.

2- Exposure therapy. Just try and talk to a stranger. Ask the time, say you like their hat, anything. Doesn't matter. THEN notice how nothing bad happened and you didn't die. Keep doing it until you internalize the fact that YOU ARE OKAY AND STATISTICALLY HIGHLY UNLIKELY TO DIE.

3- let yourself be anxious. It's okay that you feel this way. It's happening, so just let it happen. You only hurt yourself more when you resist it and think you shouldn't feel like this. BUT don't let the feeling stop you from doing what you were doing.

4- remember that there's a good reason you feel this way. Something in your past made it necessary to be anxious to be safe. It's not because you're broken, it's because you're a survivor. But if it's hindering you now instead of saving you, it's time to thank the anxiety for how it's helped you and start building new behaviors for the life you're living now

I'm a fan of proper self care. It may not be a total fix, but it does make a HUGE difference to do things like get enough sleep on a regular schedule, eating healthy, exercising, and practicing proper hygiene. I think it's helpful to dress tastefully in a way that complements your body as well. Following these habits can help you feel good about yourself, which in turn will help you believe that other people will like you too.

Having a support network is crucial.Talk to a few good friends about your deepest concerns and fears, both before and after social events. We all need empathy and validation. Good friends will give you that, but they also will push you to progress.

Maintain eye contact and tall posture at all times to establish dominance. If necessary, make a show of physical superiority as well. ...Wait no that's wolves

And it's not about "getting over" anxiety it's tips to help you feel better and dealing with it.

Getting over anxiety and dealing with it is the same thing?

And i'm not telling you how to live your life, just some people think dressing silly is gonna relieve their anxiety, get cold and rude responses and never interact with anyone again because they feel isolated. Hey if you can go into a crowd dressed as hatsune miku and not care what people say good on you but some people don't have that courage. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

I dunno why you're calling me an armchair psychologist on a thread called "tips for dealing with anxiety"

I feel the reason people have been put-off by your responses is because you started with:

This is your personal opinion -- which is chill! But it would've helped if you had just given your own tips and not kinda try to unravel the tips other people gave?

You're heavily implying hypothetical reactions of rude, cold responses to be the outcome every time. They may happen, but they may not happen -- the idea is to focus less on those reactions and more about helping oneself feel more comfortable.

My personal tip (or at least the thing that helps me deal with anxiety) is to tell corny jokes. I like to lighten the mood and kinda acknowledge things got a bit awkward. It helps to deal with the fact that I can make mistakes and just be ok with it.

Some people don't feel they'd be comfortable doing that in my situation, and that's cool. It's less about getting people to do my tip or not do my tip and more about people seeing a different perspective on dealing with anxiety.

I don't know that it's been mentioned here, but medicine really helps me. When I was younger (30s and below, I'm currently 47), I could get away with a various number of different suggestions on this page, but as I got older, my body didn't seem to handle it as well and I'd lose sleep and feel terrible the day after (or the day before) a heavy social scene. I started some medicine (small Prozac dose) and it's made a world of difference for me. It may not be the solution for everyone, though.

I was just mentioning it might be bad idea but if what i'm saying is bad advice to everyone on here maybe just talk to a therapist instead of telling me I don't know what i'm talking about because i'm not doctor? I mean no one on here is qualified and I don't get why i'm suddenly to blame for having an opinion lol

I didn't say you don't know what you're talking about? I'm merely talking about your phrasing.
As I said:

If you personally don't think silly/outlandish clothes would help, it works better with "I personally feel --" or "I wouldn't personally do that because it wouldn't work for me, but I can see why others do it".

or maybe the person who made this thread should put a disclaimer that nothing said here is a professional doctor's opinion. I'm not gonna edit my post to say its just an opinion when everything on here is an opinion XD

it seems silly

Because you mischaracterized the advice of others and framed it as something it wasn't, which made everyone mad. If your opinion was simply, "Hey, dressing too outlandishly might make some people more uncomfortable rather than less" sure, whatever. But you reframed Doki's advice as if she was actually suggesting people run around in armor (the suggestion was something small like a glove that makes the wearer feel cool but doesn't stand out to others), and acted like HG was saying people should wear cosplay to the grocery store, ignoring that they were actually only talking about wearing it to conventions.

Also, you ignored the wider conversation around these which was already about dressing appropriately and finding ways to feel good (jackets, hoodies, lipstick).

I meant it in a broader sense that it might be a bad idea. I didn't mean it as an attack on someone. if you seriously think i'm trying to attack people here i'm not. I even mentioned in one of the replies at a con it won't be that bad. Maybe I worded it too harshly but I'm just putting my opinion out there. The tapas forum has a habit of taking negative comments too seriously so I'm a bit confused by the backlash since I barely use it lol

Quite simply the difference is between taking some pain medication for a broken arm and going to a hospital and getting a doctor to look at it. Dealing with = how to feel less day to day. Getting over = being cured.

And again you're reducing it to dressing silly. This is the offensive part. Things people have mentioned like leather jackets and lips stick and gloves are not dressing silly.

It's upsetting and belittling that while everyone else shared "this is what helped me" you came in and went "that stuff that you all say helped you feel better actually makes you worse" without actually properly reading the posts simply that wearing something feels like armour or that I was talking about cosplaying at cons and explained the specific situations. You just came in and went "dressing silly isn't a cure" as if you know all the answers. That is how you came off to me and that is why you got the response you did.

But conveyed that idea in a way that mischaracterized the statements of others. (Hint, it's not a big deal if you just say sorry for that part)

I'm not apologizing for not clearly writing out a post, i'll edit the post so it reads better to what I was trying to say.

My social anxiety is gets to me every now and then. Gotta say, it is really annoying too because even if you don't feel like talking to people most days, nobody has a choice. There will always be some form of interaction. So I can appreciate these responses. I know that social anxiety is purely psychological, but even still, it bugs me that it's still there (and I know i'm not the only one). I'll keep your solutions in my thoughts. Thank you.