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Dec 2015

Critique of
Stronitium's
"Heroes of Thantopolis (Chapter 4)"

The temptation to writing independent comics is to write dark. There ain't no editors concerned about "what the readers want" on your back after all, so why not add some blood and gore to my cartoony comic? Give in to the dark side! Well after reading "Heroes of Thantopolis" (HoT), you might feel the pull of the light.

From the opening panels of the chapter to the end the tone does not change from that bright art Steven Universe feel as we are properly reintroduced to the characters in play. Which is a brilliant idea, I'd like it if more webcomics, especially long form ones, adopt an episodic nature. At least to manufacture some natural characterization moments, which HoT does really well. I do not need to read chapter 1-3 to get a feel of what's going on! (but I definitely want to now)

The plot seems to be as freewheeling as its major label counterparts, merely an excuse for the protagonists to be heroic and go on a goofy pop culture ridden adventure, but series' like this lives and dies on character interaction and stringing joke after joke, and is completely forgivable. Which leads to a warning...

It's going hard to introduce a heavy plot later with this kind of set up. Adventure Time completely lost me when they got explicit about the nature of the post-apocalyptic nature of Ooo, sure the critics loved that, but the fun was gone for me afterward. Now, Adventure Time is still balancing it quite well currently but prepare for a drop in readership that isn't willing to go that extra serious step with you.

If HoT is going to introduce a world-altering plot later, which tends to be so in heroic fiction, I hope it is planned out already, and introduced subtly as chapters accumulate. The way it's built up is great now, that single line at the end hints at things to come its just...

...really hard to not jump the shark.

Good luck.

  • Wednesday Ash

Type:Arc
Webcomic name: IMAGICA=verse
Creative team: Myself and only myself frowning
Link to series: http://tapastic.com/series/IMAGICAverse2
Which pages / which gag: Each chapter is about 8 pages or less and I have only 5 chapter... I guess on the latest chapter?
Other: Being that this is my first comic, I'm learning from my mistake as each chapter goes... If you may point out any flaws that I still do up to the latest chapter I will be most gratefull.

Thanks for such a positive review! You're right, there is a big plot coming, but I've planned the whole story out for years and hopefully it won't be as jarring as AT (I'm definitely going for a Steven Universe vibe, but the story was supposed to be a cartoon at its inception, and SU is my latest favorite.) Thanks again and I hope you check out the rest of the comic!

"The Vapors, for what it is and what intends to do, is unassailable" - WednesdayAsh
If my comic were a video game, I'd put this on the box. Heh heh.

You make a good point about dialogue being overly natural. I'll keep this in mind.

You're right that the meaning of the scores he gives is vague. I actually kept it vague intentionally because I think the specifics of his judgements are less important than the fact that hes running this judgement algorithm at all. However, I can see why a bunch of seemingly meaningless numbers with no further explanation could be unsatisfying.

Though there's only one chapter out right now, The Vapors is intended to be a series of vignettes about these characters, not an ongoing story, so it's no surprise that it doesn't serve well as a hook for a larger narrative. Other characters might involve themselves in future stories but mostly the focus will be, like you said, just these two living comfortable damaged lives. What can I say, I find it a compelling premise.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I know it must've taken you a while and I really appreciate it. I hope you'll check our Chapter 2 when it drops next month.

Oh! Quick question. The whole reason behind the crazy scene changes in chapter one was originally planned out with printing in mind. I wanted the act of physically turning the page to assist the reader in the transition between worlds. For future reference, would that still be too much?

Have you read Jeff Lemire's All-New Hawkeye? He manages to maintain that dual parallel narrative (with wildly different artstyles!) through out 100ish pages, it's a good reference if you are attempting to do a similar thing. I can see a format where you are consistently placing the "real world" on the left and the "Fantasy on the right'", maybe even have a break the 4th wall moment where the character falls from left to right, a kind of unique comic book move smile

I can see that happening, try printing a rough line are ver of that see if it works. Hell, print your current comic in draft mode to see if it works, have you tried that?

Just remember Ben. The premise has to be interesting to the readers as well smile

I check it out when it comes, i like the world.

I will! Can't wait for what you have in store!

Critique of
S.A.'s
"Wingless: The Dovecote Princess, chapter 3: Ruffled Feathers"

Charming as hell.

First of all, the storybook meets modern western animation art here is stunning. It has that traditional on the paper look on mobile devices, that is completely appropriate for the feel of the story. The paneling is solid, doesn't try to do to much, just enough to support the story. The art is consistent in directing the eyes of the reader with the movements of the eyes of the protagonist's itself and other objects by direction or intention, a good example to follow for the web-comics artists on this site.

All of the unnatural manga moves such as change in background to festive pattern and dramatic shading, feel completely appropriate to what is going on. Kudos to the writer as well for the brilliant no filler conversation between the protagonist and the book as well as the meaningful pairing of shot to caption (for ex. mercenary talk paired with a shot of the protagonist's feet) is something i would like to see done consistently in other works, again a positive for Wingless.

However when the fight scene happens, it kinda gets...gratuitous. It jars the reader into shock, and of course there is a time and place for that, but here's an argument of why it can be a bad thing: It took me out of the story.

Yes, the scene was awesomely choreographed, desperate, and dramatic, all you can ask for from a fight scene. But it made me forget about the important conversation that outlined her (and the books) motivations and characterization in the beginning of the chapter. That great fight scene swallowed the good important story information!

I can imagine this kind of intensity being appropriate for an actual test with actual stakes, instead of just trying to get an ingredient. It does a disservice to the eventual climactic battle, to have all battles be depicted intensely. Humans don't detect stimuli, they detect change in stimuli. So if all fight scenes are awesome, nothing is. It's just par for the course.

Sidebar on the PG-13 rating: This isn't PG-13, its a soft R.

To pass for PG-13 you have to omit all actual depiction of realistic injurious acts. You can show the wound, not show the stabbing or the process of injury. An exception if its a "magical" attack (from bolts up to a lightsaber). If you truly are going for a "PG-13" standard for your tapastic releases, you need to drop all of the above awesome fight scenes!

Not worth it, just don't claim it to begin with.

I am genuinely looking forward to Wingless as it develops, very large potential here for a huge and expansive fantastic world!

Just don't undermine it with gore.

Critique of
mg78's
"GRUNK"

GRUNK is dumbb, GRUNK is STRONG! GRUNK is funnn.

The comic put a smile on my face more often than not and works for what it is, the non-dialogue story telling is great in GRUNK, I can totally see this as a storyboard for an animated show, or something like that. The sense of continuity between panels is well preserved, which is important considering how the sum of it parts makes no logical sense at all, which is fine.

As a series of absurd wordless situations around a Hulk-like monster its great, but when it puts words in, especially at the absolute beginning of the adventure, it detracts from what's good immediately. The lettering choices I don't agree with. In the colored chapter the artist makes the reader go coast to coast, left to right, to read on the wide panel, which makes my eyes hurt trying to read it. Keep lettering like that center panel if possible, or in a bubble associated with a character. Floating letters like that are hard to read!

I'm looking forward to more GRUNK for sure, perhaps get in touch with a writer who can flesh out the world somemore or set some time yourself to do it. Cause lovable character and no story, kinda makes GRUNK a throwaway.

It has the potential for more.

  • Wednesday Ash

Type: Arc (Only a few pages in, so far.)
Webcomic Name: Let's Go on an Adventure!
Creative Team: Katelyn Billings
Link: http://tapastic.com/series/letsgoonanadventure1
Pages: Anything past page 2 please
Other: This is a comic I made for the purpose of experimenting with the comic format. The style is inconsistent at the moment but I'm working to narrow it down as fast as possible.

(I can't tell if you're closed or open please forgive me if you're closed...)

Critique of
Zannen00's
"IMAGICA=verse"

If they're two things that get me weak in the knees its earnest amateur attempts3 and magical girls and IMAGICA=verse has enough of those to make me forgive its immediate shortcomings in art and characterization. But yea essentially the two biggest cons in this series is art and characterization. We're still in the salad days of the protagonist's magical girl career at this point so we might find special properties to her, i'd prefer sooner rather than latter however.

The world building in this world is admirable, it is reliant on the readers familiarity with magical girl tropes which might limit the appeal to this series, but if the series continues on the deconstructing path it should be good. However you might want to learn to reconstruct when you are done stripping the magical girl genre for parts and avoid falling into the abyss of utter cynicism.

A reading recommendation for the artist would be Mark Millar's The Ultimates run, of which the current Avengers movies are based upon. In it, Mr. Millar dismantles the idea of what it means to be a western superhero, but mends it whole by the end of his first arc both showing the absudities of the genre and finishing with the strengths. I could represent a good pathway for Imagica=verse!

And oh yeah...

Get better at drawing, obvs. wink

  • Wednesday Ash

uhm, interesting the note about the lettering, i didnt notice what could do a "coast to coast" , in the begining...
about the story, it's already done and it ll be showed step by step in the comic, sometime in the future (ive got no intention to waste it, in few pages)
thx 4 the opinions!

Ooh neat! I'll have to look up All-New Hawkeye! Sounds fascinating! smiley

I'll definitely take your comments into consideration if (and when!!!!) I get this comic printed. I'll test both versions of Chapter 1 amongst friends and fellow artists to see which is more effective in a physical format before finalizing it. smile

Again, thanks for the tips!

Hi!! Thanks for taking the time to read and give your honest opinion!! I really appreciate it. I'll pass this stuff along to my writer to digest! Thank you!

Critique of
Katelyn Billings'
"Let's Go On an Adventure!"
First 9 pages

Yeah! Let's!

Even though the author requested I review from page 2, I'll go from the cover instead as early installation weirdness1 doesn't phase me and is very normal when dealing with amateur webcomics. It's very forgivable. By the by cover should have a focusing point in the center, i suggest a shadow in the light, or just straight up redrawing the cover so the main protagonist is facing the camera.

I value the tension between the two characters as it gives a background to what is happening and serves as a vehicle for characterization and world building. Sometimes webcomics start with a establishing prologue or even just go in medias res, this is a valid alternative if you can make two fully formed characters from the off. And of course sometimes webcomics waste these beginning pages on atmosphere, no lie, i'm guilty of it2 XD

I wish the bubble tail-ends would be closer to the speakers mouth. A particular problem at page 3 on the 2nd panel, the purple character has two bubbles, but the first one just hovers there (why not link them up?). Art wise, I am very impressed throughout, considering this is an early attempt at webcomics. Refine this and you shall go far, and stop apologizing for it, just do it! You have nothing to be ashamed about!

The non-textual story telling could use more shine, but again still beginning pages and you need a lot of direct text information to spill so again forgivable.

Looking forward to the progress of this webcomic, at the current state nothing to egregious to comment upon...

Cause there's no inciting incident yet.

Sooner than later please, like next page sooner if possible.

  • Wednesday Ash