Why does romance “ruin” characters…?

I'm just going to put this out here because this is something I noticed, it bothers me and I think romance is a beautiful thing...

It's not that romance ruins characters, it's that a lot of creators don't know how to write romance the right way. They think love changes people when it really doesn't. Not when it's healthy. Love does make you grow up, but you're still you. Also, a lot of people do romance as a form of self-insertion which can be good clean fun in fanfiction, but when you're writing professionally, it's a no-no. Fantasies especially of those type should be private.

Another reason why romances ruin stories and characters is because they're forced and just there to provide fanservice or draw attention. This is an objectification of romance and of course, it's going to sour things. Romance like friendship should be natural and actually have true chemistry. There's also the case of people trying to recreate what has been done especially by the latest big hit, but they wind up missing the mark and the point. Most importantly, writers need to remember that for your writing to be good in general, you need to be yourself.

This is at least my point of view. I think romance when done the right way can be very beautiful and it can actually make the story along with the characters better. I think it's beautiful to see two people love each other, care about each other and build something together. There is so much hate in the world right now and having the true beauty of love in fiction done right is something we need. Like I said before though, it needs to be done RIGHT.

PS: You don't need to write romance into a story at all if you don't want to.

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

Sometimes overuse of tropes, I think, is caused by good writers doubting themselves and feeling the need to include tropes in hashtags and such to get attention. I've read good stories before where other things I didn't care for were written in, and I feel like in some cases it probably comes from this writer self-doubt. Other writers write tropes on purpose because they know it's what sells.

I personally don't like writing romances that end other relationships or possessive jealousy that isn't addressed and things like that. I like to write how romance makes my characters better, and when everything is a conscious choice consistent with the characters I do think it improves them.

Now, I have two love triangle-type jealousy issues in one of my stories that had to be addressed in my novel "Damsel in the Red Dress" but one happens before the story starts, technically.

The female lead started dating a guy other than the male lead and it led him to feel jealous, but not in a way that sabotaged the integrity of the character. The female lead is still his best friend, and he chooses to control his jealousy, acknowledging that it wasn't her boyfriend's fault he and the female lead weren't a couple because the male lead had just chosen never to confess to her for over a decade.

I think it's all about having a clear understanding of your characters. Any unusual personality switch will be shocking to readers, so unless there is a GOOD (and properly led up to) reason for it, even in romance the characters should be consistent with who readers know they are.

The second time my male lead gets jealous, the female lead is not dating the new guy yet and the situation is sort of a mirror to the first situation. But while the first time he chose to suck it up and ignore his emotions the development of the characters up to this point leads him to react differently. He still doesn't get angry and flip or go crazy. He cries, and this is an unexpected spin on the trope I think but is still consistent with who the character is, rather than resorting to the possessive jealous idea. It's kind of cliche for a relatively mature person to lose their mind over jealousy, and that's not the kind of future partner I'd suggest to my characters either, so I had to (and have to, as he still has a lot of growing to do) force my male lead (FL honestly too) to develop .

In the end, I think it all depends on the writer. Romance definitely can be done well, if it's written.

But honestly, irl, sometimes romance leads people to become kind of crazy when they used to be cool people, or leads them to cut off their friends etc. Not saying it's right, but it is realistic.

Even my leads I try to write intuitively have a whole lot of mess in their lives because of trying to make this romance work, the difference being that they aren't really taking it out on the people around them, they're mostly just frustrated with each other.

Thanks for writing all of that out! I know exactly what you're talking about.

It's a very cheap/easy way to create conflict. This actually sounds like C was only written to be that way for a certain time to cause some kind of tension--but it was done poorly. This is bad writing, straight up. And the lazy, "Oops, my bad. I see the err of my ways suddenly. Sowwy." Is super obnoxious. Kind of insulting to the reading, imo.

My assumption is that this tends to happen when a writer wishes to:
- Prolong the story, or an aspect of it.
- Quickly create conflict, and thus thinking it will heighten seriousness of a situation (it doesn't, it's just weird.)
- OR it's some weird gratuitous insert that the writer was fond of, but didn't allow time for actual development. So it falls flat and breaks immersion for the reader, unfortunately.

I'd say that you seem to know what you're doing as far as romance writing goes. And my only suggestion would be to "show, not tell" how a relationship works. Don't have characters talk about their relationship with each other--just let them be and function. The display of healthy functionality will get across to your readers that the relationship is good for the characters and, in fact, will help them get through external/internal struggles. Maybe when one of the partners is experiencing a more internal struggle, the other partner could feel a bit helpless not knowing what to do for them--but the concern being shown already expresses to an audience that this is a healthy relationship, regardless of this obstacle of communication.

Jealousy in a relationship is due to a person's insecurity or internal conflict with themselves. Sometimes it is due to a past experience of being cheating on, or being lied to in another significant way. Bringing that kind of baggage into the next relationship is cause for tension, distrust at times, and working through jealousy.
Jealousy is not usually something appealing to witness in a character (unless written well, ofc.) So, I think unseasoned writers avoid it, or use it as an easy way to make a character unappealing. The "jealous type" is a trope, but it is not a positive one and is usually saved for an unimportant character or even a non-protagonist.

Disclaimer: I don't read the romance genre. I read non-fiction.

The times that I have read fiction that had romance as an element in it, it was done pretty well. I didn't mind it because there was no interruption of immersion. It was natural, but the story made it seem like it may not happen due to it being a fantasy heist plot as the major focus. So, characters would likely die before ever getting together.

I usually see the issue of romance "getting in the way" in manga/comics and anime (anime being the bigger offender in particular.) Many factors apply to that: mostly self-gratuity or teasing/pleasing fans, or prolonging it for money. lol

To be fair, relationships in real life can often strain other relationships. In real life, you often have to prioritize your boyfriend or girlfriend over other relationships, because you're trying to build a life with them, and while friendships are important, it is often important to prioritize romantic relationships first because it's important to show your boyfriend or girlfriend you're a good candidate for marriage. So having relationships strained due to a romantic one is often realistic, which is why people tend to like it, I think. It kinda sounds like character C has some flaws they need to work through, and maybe that's the point? But it also sounds like it's a romance story (maybe a shoujo thing, even?), and as I understand shoujo is often for young girls and young girls just tend to like romantic drama like that. Just look at twilight personally, I think taking romance out of stories makes them a lot more boring and s lot less meaningful a lot of the time.

I love a good romance. After all who wouldn’t enjoy reading about two individuals falling in love. But the natural chemistry has to be there. If the romance is forced then it can ruin characters.
It’s this anime called A condition called Love where the main couple isn’t that appealing to me at least. The female lead doesn’t seem like the romance type and male has some toxic traits for which he needs to go to therapy for. The couple gets together because the female lead helped the male lead and he decides that he is in love with her and she wants to try to fall in love so she tries with him. I finished it but the couple wasn’t that interesting and the chemistry seemed force.

Another anime I watched called Signs of Affection where our main girl is deaf ,meets this guy at her college. Our main guy travels the world alot and seems interested in the world our main girl lives in. You see them being friends first ,getting to know each other before stepping into a romantic relationship.

So yeah a bad romance can ruin a character while a good romance can enhance the character

This is my take on romance in webcomics, the writers don't know enough to write about it. Very few comics I have read understand being attracted to someone. They write what they thing attraction is. Jealousy and backstabbing only really works in a setting where you can't just leave, i.e. school. In the outside world if you don't like someone or break up, you just leave. You can literally never see that person again. By having romance happen in school, specially highschool, you can easily use those tropes and the characters are stuck. But it has to be surface level as they are children. The chances of you living forever with someone you met when you are 16 is damn close to zero.

Another problem I see is the romance just happens as that is the plot of the story. Usually its the guy that is a complete blank, but more and more its the girl that is. It's about them looking cute together and the reader imagining them getting together. But the actual characters are dull and boring. The point is to just have them get together and how long they can string the reader along before it happens. That's why the first "kiss" is usually interrupted in stories, to make you read longer.

Finally, most romance stories have no ending, they just fade away. Very few of them actually finish the story. Either they get together then have no story to tell after, or interest goes away as the next romance of cute characters comes on line. Romance just seems to be constant filler as the next romance gets put out. It's like junk food.

P.S. don't get me started on how every dude in romance webtoons look exactly the same. Same body type, same height, same dead eyes... Tracing is killing male leads.

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

Romance may make them act in silly ways...

Just like in real life...

Romance is a roller coaster, if done right, it gives your story "that touch".

I read a lot of shonen manga and I kinda dread the romantic bits because authors rarely know how to write it. It often feels like they add it in to meet fan expectations on pairings, but they rarely develop the romantic relationships to the same extent as they do the platonic ones. That makes the usual ending with characters ending up together with kids feel undeserved. Two famous examples of this in the genre are Naruto and Bleach, where the relationships between other characters felt more interesting and genuine than the ones between romantic partners. But in the interest of wrapping things up neatly and giving fans a "happy ending" we got couples with little chemistry.

Some of the creators are open with their lack of skill in writing romance, and others show regret in how they went about things. I do think a part of it is feeling pressured by fans and maybe even their own editors. Unfortunately, romance sells, so we often see it shoehorned into stories that would work well or even better without it.

The other thing I've noticed is just a lack of skill at writing relationships. It's like some authors think romance cannot exist without melodrama--jealousy, possessiveness, cartoonish misunderstandings, etc. I sort of get that it's easier to write this way to keep the story going when proper communication and a healthy relationship might seem more anticlimactic or would solve problems too quickly, but I wish it wouldn't come at the expense of the characters.

Also, sometimes there's this misunderstanding of who the characters are that often results in them being lost. Or maybe they're just not developed enough and sort of get absorbed into the relationship. For a reader who comes to like these characters and is invested in their development, it kind of ruins the story to see the romance suddenly become the focus. Which is actually one of the reasons I never liked YA, tbh. A lot of books in that genre focus too much on the romance when I want to see more of the main plot line. Like, if you're going to write a story about a post-apocalytic war with aliens or something that's what I want to see. I don't want to read about a love triangle and relationship drama because it sorta feels like those shouldn't be priorities.

But yeah, I have a lot of issues with how romance is written. Especially in certain genres, lol.

I didn't mean you need to prioritize them over everyone else all the time, but I do think when you're starting a new relationship, you sometimes need to prioritize your relationship with that person over your other relationships just to let them know that you are serious about the relationship (if you are, indeed, serious. If you're not, just politely end it). For example, if you've been seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend for only three weeks, but you haven't been able to see them at all on that third week, you may have to actually tell your sister instead, "So sorry, but I have to miss your soccer ball game today. I haven't seen my boyfriend at all this week, I hope you understand." Your family is probably going to be a lot more understanding than the person you've been blowing off all week LOL. Though I do think your example of getting drinks after the soccer game is fine, too.

But that's what I mean by relationship strain to begin with. I'm not saying that the boyfriend or girlfriend is deliberately keeping you from seeing friends or family (that is abuse, and the relationship should be ended in that event), but I am saying that having to pick and choose who you spend time with can be very stressful. I'm not even saying that it creates severe or impactful strain, but it can create very small strain a lot of the time.

As for the puzzle piece thing, I think that's a nice saying, but it doesn't always align with real life. Having a relationship takes a lot of deliberate, hard work a lot of the time. By definition, you have to expand your time for that person (e.g., the puzzle board has to get bigger, and some of the pieces might have to get smaller) in order to fit them in, and yes, you do have less time for friends and family (unless you want the person to feel like they are also dating your friends and family LOL). I do think this is a mistake a lot of people make going into dating, too. They think the person they date should just already be perfect and fit into their life with no issues at all, and even if the person does nothing wrong and they may have been a great spouse, the relationship gets ended before it had a chance to flourish.

But to bring it back to the topic, I think @BoomerZ put it best. I think a lot of these stories written by younger people feel unrealistic and melodramatic a lot of the time because they have very little experience in love or maybe the last relationship they had happened in high school.

(post withdrawn by author, will be automatically deleted in 24 hours unless flagged)

I don’t think romance ruins characters.

Instead, I feel like writers prioritizing relationships while neglecting character development is what makes romance tropes annoying.

I think this is why people don’t like love at first sight or forced love triangle drama. Or the frustration when there is character development yet it gets ignored when cardboard cutout love interest shows up. Or having love interests with zero personality or chemistry.

I don’t think romance as a whole is bad. It can be sweet and it can be used to add depth to a character.