Why does romance "ruin" characters...?

[kyupol]

Romance may make them act in silly ways...

Just like in real life...

[Thumber]

Romance is a roller coaster, if done right, it gives your story "that touch".

[vapidink]

I read a lot of shonen manga and I kinda dread the romantic bits because authors rarely know how to write it. It often feels like they add it in to meet fan expectations on pairings, but they rarely develop the romantic relationships to the same extent as they do the platonic ones. That makes the usual ending with characters ending up together with kids feel undeserved. Two famous examples of this in the genre are Naruto and Bleach, where the relationships between other characters felt more interesting and genuine than the ones between romantic partners. But in the interest of wrapping things up neatly and giving fans a "happy ending" we got couples with little chemistry.

Some of the creators are open with their lack of skill in writing romance, and others show regret in how they went about things. I do think a part of it is feeling pressured by fans and maybe even their own editors. Unfortunately, romance sells, so we often see it shoehorned into stories that would work well or even better without it.

The other thing I've noticed is just a lack of skill at writing relationships. It's like some authors think romance cannot exist without melodrama--jealousy, possessiveness, cartoonish misunderstandings, etc. I sort of get that it's easier to write this way to keep the story going when proper communication and a healthy relationship might seem more anticlimactic or would solve problems too quickly, but I wish it wouldn't come at the expense of the characters.

Also, sometimes there's this misunderstanding of who the characters are that often results in them being lost. Or maybe they're just not developed enough and sort of get absorbed into the relationship. For a reader who comes to like these characters and is invested in their development, it kind of ruins the story to see the romance suddenly become the focus. Which is actually one of the reasons I never liked YA, tbh. A lot of books in that genre focus too much on the romance when I want to see more of the main plot line. Like, if you're going to write a story about a post-apocalytic war with aliens or something that's what I want to see. I don't want to read about a love triangle and relationship drama because it sorta feels like those shouldn't be priorities.

But yeah, I have a lot of issues with how romance is written. Especially in certain genres, lol.

[DokiDokiTsuna]

To be fair, relationships in real life can often strain other relationships. In real life, you often have to prioritize your boyfriend or girlfriend over other relationships, because you're trying to build a life with them, and while friendships are important, it is often important to prioritize romantic relationships first because it's important to show your boyfriend or girlfriend you're a good candidate for marriage.

I think it's true that a new romantic relationship can strain existing platonic ones-- any big development in life can do that-- but I have to disagree with the idea that prioritizing your romantic partner over everyone else in your life shows you're a "good candidate for marriage".

In my opinion (one that's largely supported by media, as far as I can tell) a good candidate for marriage is someone who fits into your life like a puzzle piece you never knew was missing. They get along with your friends, your coworkers, your parents, your extended family. They're willing to support and learn about your life outside of them, while you do the same.

You want to marry someone whose world can mesh comfortably with yours, because that means your commitment will be more beneficial to the both of you and stand the test of time. They won't bail on you if your parents get sick because they weren't prepared to help care for someone besides you, for instance. They won't throw a tantrum if you want to try something new later in life that takes some of your attention away from them...if they can fall in love with you as a multifaceted person that belongs just as much to the world as to them, they're more likely to stay that way, and journey through life with you as a true partner, not an obligation.

Conversely, someone who sees a marriage as a "kingdom of 2" and encourages you to distance yourself from your other loved ones in favor of them and them only...gigantic red flag. :[

Basically: In a healthy relationship, you shouldn't be asking yourself things like "should I go to my little sister's soccer game like I do every month, or should I go on our weekly date??"
You should be able to go to your partner and say "hey, I usually go to my sister's soccer game around this time every month-- wanna come cheer her on? We can go for drinks afterwards." It shouldn't ALWAYS be a question of who takes priority over who; you should be able to be flexible and share a LOT of the time, actually.

[ratscout]

I didn't mean you need to prioritize them over everyone else all the time, but I do think when you're starting a new relationship, you sometimes need to prioritize your relationship with that person over your other relationships just to let them know that you are serious about the relationship (if you are, indeed, serious. If you're not, just politely end it). For example, if you've been seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend for only three weeks, but you haven't been able to see them at all on that third week, you may have to actually tell your sister instead, "So sorry, but I have to miss your soccer ball game today. I haven't seen my boyfriend at all this week, I hope you understand." Your family is probably going to be a lot more understanding than the person you've been blowing off all week LOL. Though I do think your example of getting drinks after the soccer game is fine, too.

But that's what I mean by relationship strain to begin with. I'm not saying that the boyfriend or girlfriend is deliberately keeping you from seeing friends or family (that is abuse, and the relationship should be ended in that event), but I am saying that having to pick and choose who you spend time with can be very stressful. I'm not even saying that it creates severe or impactful strain, but it can create very small strain a lot of the time.

As for the puzzle piece thing, I think that's a nice saying, but it doesn't always align with real life. Having a relationship takes a lot of deliberate, hard work a lot of the time. By definition, you have to expand your time for that person (e.g., the puzzle board has to get bigger, and some of the pieces might have to get smaller) in order to fit them in, and yes, you do have less time for friends and family (unless you want the person to feel like they are also dating your friends and family LOL). I do think this is a mistake a lot of people make going into dating, too. They think the person they date should just already be perfect and fit into their life with no issues at all, and even if the person does nothing wrong and they may have been a great spouse, the relationship gets ended before it had a chance to flourish.

But to bring it back to the topic, I think @BoomerZ put it best. I think a lot of these stories written by younger people feel unrealistic and melodramatic a lot of the time because they have very little experience in love or maybe the last relationship they had happened in high school.

[theyrebothakilogram]

Are you ai? You post periodically once every hour, and your profile looks ai generated. And the way you speak leans way too far into the LA girl character

[vfaqvrf]

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[NickRowler]

I don’t think romance ruins characters.

Instead, I feel like writers prioritizing relationships while neglecting character development is what makes romance tropes annoying.

I think this is why people don’t like love at first sight or forced love triangle drama. Or the frustration when there is character development yet it gets ignored when cardboard cutout love interest shows up. Or having love interests with zero personality or chemistry.

I don’t think romance as a whole is bad. It can be sweet and it can be used to add depth to a character.

[rayrichardsauthor]

I think that romance can "ruin" characters is because a lot of writing nowadays relies a lot on established trope norms and people tend to write stereotypes over people. So a romance gets added into the mix in place of character development. I know that sounds really blunt. (sorry) I love to study the mechanics of romances as one of my special interests. I can explain my thought process.

A romance works "best" if it ends with the Happily Ever After moment or if the story is set into acts: courtship, marriage, baby (think like Shrek). It falls apart after that. In my opinion, that's why book one of generally all romance series seems to "work" and then falls apart in later books.

I noticed as well that the character's individual growth gets tossed aside for the relationship. Like, character A could be written to be the next ruler or high position and then when they meet character B, their original arc gets tossed aside for the relationship. And then to me, that's when a character feels "ruined" because they start to read like every other character.