Dec 2019
91 / 331
Dec 2019
Dec 2020
revisionstudios
Dec '19
PaulDevers

Honestly, now that it's all actually UP on Tapas, I think it'll be fine if you don't revisit it or at least wait awhile until you really feel the need to. I think I would've lost interest had you asked us to read it before the reveal happened, but I was able to stick it out because I was interested enough in the story and concept that it kept be going.

I think in the future, if you do decide to shorten it (no need to redo everything of course, keep all the pages you can) maybe try to combine scenes and important dialogue while trimming some of the fat. I know that's kinda vague and still really hard to do, but I think all it needed was to be more efficient. :thumbsup:

Lil_Slime
Dec '19
1

Hmm yes, this is a very good idea.
Honestly, I always struggle with this and end up asking for feedback too much.
Anyways!
@Eightfish Here are some of the negative things I noticed in your comic:
1. While I do like the simplistic style of coloring, I feel like your color palette is a little bland, it feels kinda dead
2. It’s kinda hard to read the text. I’m not sure if it’s because of the background or the text itself, but it is definitely not pleasing to the eye to read.
3. While I haven’t gotten past page 10 yet, I feel like the characters sometimes go out of character. I know I haven’t read enough to actually get to know them, but I just feel like the shift in the exchanges was too steep
So that’s about everything I didn’t like in your comic for now.
Though, sorry to say, but I can’t promise that I would continue reading your comics, as it’s not exactly my cup of tea.
@revisionstudios gotta say, your art looks really professional! It looks wonderful! Though, I feel like some of the decisions made by your characters are pretty irrational. Like, the whole fight scene could have been avoided had the mercenary dude been a little sneakier. Though, maybe it is a character trait, because I don’t know him much about him yet since I’ve only read through the first chapter. Aside from that, while I could not have executed it better, your fight scenes don’t seem very energetic, I feel like they could have been a lot more dynamic. Anyways, I love your art and your premise is already very intriguing, so keep up the good work!
Anyways, here’s my comic, if it’s not too much trouble I hope you can give me feedback as well! (And rip it to shreds, too, ‘cause I already know it’s not very good)

P.S.: I’m sorry, but I’m really bad at criticism, let alone constructive criticism, so pardon me if my critique wasn’t good enough

writercynknapp
Dec '19

A novel with a picture in each chapter (comic paced story line).

gh0stcr33p
Dec '19
1

@writercynknapp won't lie, the realistic 3D models are very jarring to me in comic/novel form, and look a bit uncanny. I'm not sure if you're using this approach to be different or if it's just because you personally are a writer rather than an artist, but for my taste they just don't blend well with the format you're going for. also I can tell that your story is primarily a novel with included pictures, but as someone with a very short attention span I'll usually skim through long walls of text, so it just isn't a format that I'd enjoy reading online in general. I mostly prefer webcomics with lots of visuals and not too much text covering the screen. hope I wasn't too harsh by the way.

here, go ahead and rip it to shreds because I already know my comic sucks.

denaliah
Dec '19
1
revisionstudios

Thanks! I'm curious as to how far you read? I did go into the magic system building more in ep2, I was trying really hard to avoid the typical info dump prologue. For the world building and magic, I was aiming to give the bare bones, leave a mystery, I want to focus on being character driven. But if you have any comments as to what you wished to see more with the magic/world context, let me know. As for the character, he's morally grey, like most of my characters. He's supposed to be someone whose trying to be the perfect hero but has issues of his own that he's not addressing, however he does genuinely feel the need to help people who've been wronged. It's a fiiinne line, viewers are supposed to find him questionable at times, but he also does good things and have moments of lucidity and genuine compassion. If you have any tips on making him more sympathetic without losing his questionable side, don't be afraid to let me know!

As for yours, I find the art style execution to be really polished, I like how you pay equal attention to backgrounds. I might not read it because I don't feel an emotional attachment to any of the characters, none of them speak to me, though the MC's kinda interesting. I feel the character expressions and their emotional believability can be pushed, but this isn't a glaring issue.

@Pandastrophic Thanks! I'm glad to hear people who normally don't read this genre like my story, I did try to write it with cross over appeal. I'm curious as to how far you read? Which scenes has the most glaring style inconsistency? Lol you should've seen my old version, it straight up went from full painted scenes to soft lines to hard lines :laughing: I tried to fix a lot of those mistakes, but I missed a few panels clearly.

@Pyomatic You got a unique style or charm and strong start, however this art style simply isn't what I'm used to looking at (but this isn't a deal breaker necessarilly). Also there's a lot of panels crammed into a page in some areas. And I find the equal line weight for everything tiring on the eyes. I like your backgrounds, gives a sense of the world. I stopped reading at the read pages, cause I find it too hard on the eyes. I know red lighting can be used to convey certain strong moods, and in certain movie scenes it can work super well. But what's happening isn't hooking me enough to brace through it. Overall I think it's a good story, but I didn't read it very far cause it's not my cup of tea, I see it can appeal to a niche.

revisionstudios
Dec '19
Lil_Slime

Thanks for the feedback! Can you clarify which fight scene you mean when you say it could've been avoided? I'm assuming you mean when he fought with Garrett (the unicorn boy), but I wanted to be sure.

And yeah, the fight scene energy is a known issue! Definitely working on improving that. I think I did better in the more recent ones, but I still have a long way to go.

For your comic, I think it's really cute and charming. You need to work a little on making the dialogue flow and not be so repetitive, maybe dial back on telling the audience how to feel about a character like Lily. We should be able to see her act naturally and come to our own conclusions rather than being told how she should be perceived all the time, you know?

I would definitely focus on your art more where you can--there are some spots where the expressions don't match the dialogue or the context of the scene, and there was a case where I had to read ahead a couple panels to understand what was happening (like when she used the vines to restrain that guard, I didn't know what I was looking at when the panel zoomed into the ground to show them sprouting. I had to look ahead and then go back like, "Oh, those are vines", so maybe showing them just breaking out of the ground instead of already out would've helped). I think learning some fundamentals of realism would help ground your stylistic work, too. When you learn just from anime or styles that are already very simplified, you end up mimicking them without understanding what makes them work in the first place.

Lil_Slime
Dec '19

Oh yes, it’s the fight scene with garrett.

Thanks for the feedback!
Yeah, the realism bit has always been my issue, I’ve been looking into proportions and real life references for some time now but I’ve always struggled with stuff like that, hehe.
Oh, yeah, I should probably look into facial expressions more. Thanks for telling me!
Hmm, about the dialogue bit, I can see that it does get repetitive but can you clarify so that I can get a better grasp on how to fix it? If it’s not too much trouble, that is.

revisionstudios
Dec '19
denaliah

I admittedly only read Ch0, but as I've done more of these I've given them more of a chance so I'll go back to yours and read more later today. :thumbsup:

I try to write morally grey characters a lot too, and I think it can definitely be tricky. From the little bit I've read, it felt more like his morality was all over the place, rather than sprouting from his own worldview, if that makes sense? There were a couple points where I got the impression you picked dialogue to make an otherwise okay-guy seem more questionable, like when he was referring to his experiment as a secret weapon, rather than a way to become an angel (it's all in the phrasing I think). And I think because of that, his hero complex ended up coming off more disingenuous than you were intending? I really felt as if he was doing it for all the wrong reasons (most of which using it as a self gratification and validation) with almost zero of the genuine selflessness that a hero is usually attributed with. In all his inner monologue, he was talking about how he deserved to be an angel for doing things for people and focused completely on himself rather than the people he was actually helping... so it was hard for me to have sympathy for his situation. Kinda gave me "nice guy" vibes.

I think I would have been more sympathetic if they had told him he had the chops, groomed him to be one, and then never delivered on their promise and just used him until they didn't need him anymore. That way he doesn't feel like he deserved something grandiose out of just doing the right thing while he was living and the onus is on SEE for breaking their word and emotionally abusing him.

Based on your opening scene to the series, that may have even been close to what you were going for. But because SEE and the specifics of his circumstances weren't established, I had to make my own conclusions based on what information was given to me. We're told that he trained with them for 8 years and did their bidding, but not of why or what they promised him. Was he justified in expecting to become an angel? Or did they never tell him he could and he just thought they would let him be one with enough effort? Why does he want to be an angel so bad anyway? Maybe a short flashback of his time with some of the SEE characters might've helped instead. It could've established the basics of what this organization is like, how they treated him, the expectations they put on him, and the ones he put on himself.

A lot of world building is figuring out what the audience needs to know to understand the world/characters versus what is interesting enough to be left a mystery and discovered over time. This is a really hard lesson I've had to go through myself, because I screwed that up in my story. I made my main character's motivations and past a mystery because I thought it would make him cool and interesting, but instead it just meant nobody was invested in him unless they liked his archetype. They didn't have context for his actions so it didn't matter. My creative partner and I have to do a LOT to try and make up for that lost time, and we're still paying for it 300 pages later.

Okay I'm gonna stop rambling now and read more of it. :sweat_smile:

revisionstudios
Dec '19
Lil_Slime

Here's something that might help with expressions! It was my go-to for a long time. I think your problem right now is that you have a lot of the generi-expressions she talks about.
https://lackadaisy.foxprints.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=3337

As for the dialogue, I think it felt repetitive especially with the guard because he kept going "This vixen!" or "This bastard!" or whatever expletive. The more I think on it, I wonder if you're just including too much in dialogue? There's a lot of words that can be trimmed without losing what you're trying to convey.

Let's try this page:

I would rewrite it to be something like...

panel 1
Aku, thinking: ((What a handful...))

p2
Aku: Please allow me to apologize on her behalf!
Guard: Huh?! Why are you apologizing?

p3
Guard: You're not responsible for her actions!

p4
((remove the thought bubble from this panel))
Aku: No, but she's a friend and we're... working on it. (change expression to a nervous smile or something?)
Guard: Why even be friends with someone like that, though...

p5
Aku: ((Who knows. Maybe it's because when I first saw you...))

p6
Aku: ((You seemed so lonely.))
Aku: Shouldn't you return to your post?
Guard: Shoot, you're right!

Everything is shorter and you haven't lost anything! Plus, there's no need to explain how a character is feeling, just what they might say or think in that moment. Try saying the lines out loud when you write them and think to yourself, "Is that something I would say in conversation?"

noahhakvern
Dec '19

A little nervous but here is my comic that I made.

Warning this it is slightly over-the-top bloody. Although because it's not too realistic, I don't think it will gross people out.

I will say that I personally don't like scrolling down on a comic like mine. It was meant for page turns. So in my opinion it can be kinda hard to read due to it being one square after another. Also there is a 40 page limit on uploads so I had to cut my chapter into two parts.

Anyway, sorry, I don't want to try to correct everything before anyone seen anything. So here is the link

denaliah
Dec '19
revisionstudios

Ohh now I do see how that could've been phrased better, thanks! I think it's one of those things where a few tweaks might made a whole different impression. Thanks for being willing to read more for the crit ^_^ if you do could you please this in mind for the review: I looked back at my other reply to you, I realized I forgot to mention my MC's supposed to be kind of self-centered and arrogant, tunnel visioned and egotistic, that was very much my intention XD Like he doesn't do nice things purely for altruistic reasons, BUT it's not purely for selfish reasons either. Like I said it's a fine balance, your comment made me realize I might've tilted too far one way in the first chapter trying to hammer that idea in people's heads. :sweat: Anyways, thanks for your time :sunny:

Sky-Chau
Dec '19

I'm worried people are being scared off but I don't know why.

Zak
Dec '19

Sorry to butt-in, But this seems fun so I might have a go. ^^'

Lil_Slime
Dec '19
revisionstudios

Oh! This helps quite a lot! Thanks!
That tutorial is topnotch, too!
Anyways, I’ll work on cutting the dialogue more, and everything else you’ve told me! This really helped me a lot, ‘cause I already knew my art was bad, but I didn’t know how to improve it, haha.
So, thanks for the feedback!

Eightfish
Dec '19
Sky-Chau

Your link is broken for some reason, but I googled the name and found it. So that might be one reason people aren't reading it lol.

I really like your voice. Even from the preview the comic sounds appealing- the title is fun, and so is the description. Reading the comic, the dialogue flows and can be quite funny. Also, the premise is interesting and I like the twist that only neurotypical people are vulnerable to zombies. It kind of makes sense!

But I think what might be stopping people from reading it is that the presentation is kind of messy, for lack of a better word. The art in the thumbnail is clean and crisp but the art in the comic is much less so. I know it takes a lot of time to make clean art but unfortunately I do think the sketchy style makes the comic less appealing. Especially the backgrounds- it's hard to even tell where the characters are in relation to each other.

The text is also hard to read. And this is coming from someone who's own comic is often criticized for being difficult to read. But the handwritten text that keeps changing sizes is a challenge. Especially when you have words misspelled or placed too close to each other so that it's hard to tell when words start or end. This gets better in chapters 2 and 3, but it's still difficult. If you want to keep the same look, maybe consider making your own font out of your handwriting? It might even be faster than writing everything out manually.

Sky-Chau
Dec '19

by chapter 2 I had a custom font made and it works pretty well. Spelling issues persist as I am dyslexic and art softwares do not a have a spell check.
thanks so much for the insight!

jcmraz
Dec '19
1

Aside from the human faces (alien faces are fine) and some light anatomy the art is solid. It still has room for growth for sure but it's not bad :slight_smile: That said I think some of the decisions the characters make is a bit unrealistic and they jump to conclusions that are kind of over the top. If a guy's first response to an alien crashed ship in front of them and an alien bleeding out is of obligation and conspiracy, even if he's right in the end, it's just a bit too soon. OR he's a conspiracy nutcase that just happens to be right more by luck than actual reasoning. I was also kind of confused about the immediate shot by the military instead of trying to contact (unless I missed that) as well as the aliens flying toward earth. Basically every decision that has been made feels like it's plot driven instead of character driven. Like you're saying "I want this to happen so it will" instead of making it seem likely or natural. I also think you should spend a little more time with the characters before throwing them around. Currently I don't care about anyone that anything is happening to. There's something to be said about throwing us in the middle of the action but it seemed more like you wanted it both ways but didn't quite want to commit to either. I hope that helps :slight_smile:

Why don't you read my webcomic?

Tthoroughman
Dec '19

Overall, I find your Art style interesting, I don't think I can really give decent criticism that hasn't already been given (ie, who is this? Who is that?) Type of criticism mostly for the start.

Here's mine for anyone who would like to check it out. I have received some feedback on it, mostly along the lines of text problems that I tried to fix on the original webtoons and applied here on Tapas before uploading. My art style has changed some since I started, but I know there are some perspective problems in these early pages. If you want to see the webtoons, let me know, for now, here's the tapas and I plan on trying to get it caught up with the webtoon.

UrMom
Dec '19
denaliah

Lol super late reply. (The holidays have been killing me!)

You know, I thought about this and while I fully understand and empathize with what you mean as far as tone, I think our visions are a little different. I've never seen Breaking Bad but I'm not much for unnecessary melodrama or action, at least for the type of story I'm doing. For TGtaHR I want something like Tokyo Godfathers without the fantastical elements and super exaggerated expressions, or 1997's As Good As It Gets. (Best examples I can think of right now.) I would also add A Beautiful Mind to an extent... a small extent. Something more quiet, human, and/or practical. Mostly I want what I'm doing to be taken seriously, or to be reflected on since I'm trying to tackle mental illness and other topics that need more acknowledgement and respect. Mass appeal isn't something I'm aiming for.

I do completely respect your feedback, though! I do plan on changing the mood later on, and incorporating flashbacks (not happy ones, unfortunately, since the comic is partially about leaving the past behind you.), but yeah! I will think about what you said, and work on improving my story and presentation.
Thank you so much! And hey, even if you lost interest I'm still grateful that you checked it out to begin with. Sorry again for the super late response.