Anybody plays D&D? Tell your stories!

I just realized I have a story of DnD I can put in here! (Lengthy, but please forgive that. =w=)

Ok. So my first time playing any tabletop game properly was in 10th grade. Only issue was; No magic. Guess who was the mage? raises hand

Joe (Yes, the guy's name was Joe) the DM told us our setting; Middle of the ocean on a galleon. Alright, sounds fun. Theeeeen he says we're all captured.

So the party is as follows;
Me - Uber squishy sorceress little girl feather duster spirit that had really high stats other than strength and constitution.
Nic - Human cleric guy that had a tiny claw hammer as a weapon, but a big tower shield. He's the meat shield.
Tiana - Elf ranger lady that was incredibly pious and egotistical. Not fun to be around.
Charlie - GIANT WARFORGED DRUID. Blacksmith. His reason for being a Druid? Regrow his body temporarily with ironwood. Alright, works for us.
Nate - Human barbarian that had the motto of;"If they attack me, that's the only time I'll attack". Oddly the most peaceful of the group as well as the wisest and smartest.
Timber (Nickname) - Human monk. She played as a guy. Highly aggressive monk.

First time on the ship.

We're all bound on the side. Charlie (AKA; The Admiral)'s first action is to rip off the chains to himself. Then he rips off his arm, and shoves it into the side of the boards that were torn off and filling the ship. Said ship was sinking. Bitch-slapped the sailors into oblivion, got the keys, got us out. I became the cook because I apparently was the best with food.

Reasons otherwise;
Charlie:"My character is a bunch of metal with mana. You ask him to eat again."
Nic:"My guy's a cleric, he's eaten nothing but bread for years!"
Nate:"My guy's smart, but he'll burn water."
Timber:"Fasting. Also, he'll punch you in the face if you insult the cooking."
everyone turns to me
Me:"Well crap."
Tiana never gave her reason. Probably just too lazy/wanted a "Subordinate" to do it.

Pirates come!

We all load the cannons and get ready at battle stations! Charlie with his broadsword, Nic with an axe, Tiana with a crossbow, Nate just stood there until the first cannonball was fired - THEN took out a claymore, Timber with leather around her fists...then me with my puny dagger and a meager staff. I under-equipped. BAD. Charlie loads the cannons; With his arms as punches. They fire. Then Nic gets the great idea;
Nic:"Throw me over, Admiral!"
Charlie:"To the other ship?!"
Nic:"YUP!"
Charlie:"LET'S DO THIS."
Me:"Why am I even here." slinging spells as the cleric gets thrown across and basically gets roped up after beating up two mooks

Pirates board us, tie everyone up but me.
Me:"I know this is taboo #1, but why didn't they tie me up?"
Joe: Rolls dice "The pirates look at you, saying;"We're not gonna tie you up, cause last time we tied up some wizard we all got turned to newts and toads! We got better, but the warts didn't come off for ages! You just hold tight there, lass." And then he tosses you a pineapple."
Me:"...Alright. Is the head guy in sight?"
Joe: rolls dice again "Yeah, he's just standing there. Not hard to miss with his jaunty feathered cap."
Me:"Good. I'm gonna run up to him and stab him to death in front of everyone."
Nic:"What are you planning...I swear, IF YOU STAB HIM-"
Me:"I'mma do it."
Nic:"DON'T YOU DO IT!"
Me:"I'MMA DO IT!"
Charlie:"Just let them do it. They've gotten crits with every hit so far even WITH the knife!"
Joe:"Fine, fine..." rolls dice "...You've got to be shitting me."
Me:"YES!!!"
Tiana:"THE DICE AREN'T RIGGED!?"
Joe:"We've checked TWICE. EACH!"
Me:"SAY THE WORDS, DM MAN!"
Joe:"I swear to fucking christ you're gonna have something happen...AHEM! Anyway...The pirates are all quite distracted, reveling in their victory, some even pulling out their rum and grog - until you run up, tackled the captain to the ship's deck, stabbing him right through the eye. Who cares about the eyepatch? You reached far enough that you definitely hit the brain. Now, the pirates are all screaming, abandoning ship."
Me:"I'm gonna go after the survivors, stab as many as I can get!"
Joe:"Don't insult me if the dice aren't in your favour." rolls dice, stares at me, getting mad (He RARELY gets mad)
Timber:"Oh my god..."
Me:"ALL HAIL THE PIRATE QUEEEEEEEN!"
Charlie:"They are all getting killed by a FEATHER DUSTER."
Nic:"A little girl. That's not even in her teens. That's also a feather duster."
Me:"I EMBODY the feather duster. It's like my house."
Joe:"I swear...You go after each pirate leftover one by one, leaving a total of ten corpses on board including the captain's."
Me:"I'm gonna take the captain's hat as my new headpiece. AKA; My only one." *scribbles on;"The hat of a captain".
Charlie:"No, let me see that." Takes the sheet, erasing part of it and I have;"The Hat of Badassery"
Joe:"+2 to bullshit."
laughs around the room
Me:"Anyway, now that the initial carnage is over..."
Nate:"We can be freed, right?"
Me:"Nope! Gonna eat my pineapple!"
Joe:"And it was a damn good pineapple. If you smoked, it'd be like a cigar."
Pirates fear the magician.
All because of newts and frogs.

It looks like we have a lot of interest in having Tapas members experiencing a classic AD&D-like adventure. I write AD&D-like because the rules for that (and most RPGs) are intended for tabletops and don't transfer as well to forum play. So long as the themes, the tone, and the character archetypes are all there, I think we don't need the authentic Dungeons & Dragons rules. More streamlined and free-form styles of play would be generally preferred.

This is what I'm going to do. I'll leave this thread for its original purpose of sharing stories. I will start another thread for the roleplaying. Since nobody objected and one person liked the idea, a bunch of RPGs can get housed in the same roleplaying thread: horror games, cyberpunk games, space opera games, murder hobo games, et cetera.

P.S. The term "murder hobo" may require some clarification. Within the hobby, this is a more recent term which describes the oldest and most classic style of fantasy roleplaying. Player-Characters travel aimlessly. They find monsters like orcs and trolls to fight. They sometimes crawl into a dungeon to kill monsters in their own lairs. They kill the monsters and loot their bodies. They live off the loot for a while and repeat the process as a livelihood. Thus, they are the murder hobos. The term in derogatory but in an endearing way. One might say, "I've got an old school itch. I want to take a break from all the drama of the Vampire campaign and play a Murder Hobo for a while."

Murder-hoboes are really just hunter-gatherers as filtered through our species memory.

• Dead monsters yield loot, just like game animals do.

• Setting is wild and dangerous and usually lawless, like a a hunter-gatherer's range.

• A big part of the gameplay is gathering allies and companions the way an up-and-coming tribal chief would do.

Out first plot hook in the Big Roleplay Thread just walked into the tavern. Right now would be the best time to jump in.

I do remember that one time our Bard summoned a tuba and rolled to blow the skeletons away.

Cue natural 20

He blew the tuba so hard everyone had hearing damage and the skeletons turned to dust. It was hilarious.

This reminds me of a classic tale from the early days of the internet.

The game was AD&D. The players were a bunch of knuckleheads, and their characters were not much wiser. The DM was very literal. The Big Bad was an evil sorceress with high level abilities. The player-characters somehow managed to reverse a Charm spell on her and made her fall hopelessly in love with the party's Barbarian. They figured out that the sorceress can cast the Wish spell. The Barbarian tells her to wish him up a huge pile of treasure. Zip Pow, the two of them are standing on a pile of gold coins. Then the barbarians says, "Babe, I wish you'd make me a sandwich."

last week, i DMed a group of friends and did an encounter with a nest of kobolds that could sink in and out of stone, and played the pillar men theme song everytime i summoned another one

dungeons and drama basically

This is the last call to join our dungeon crawl before the ship literally sails. In the Big Roleplaying Thread, we are running a short game I call "A Murder Hobo's Fairy Tale" and we need more players. Here is my offer. In addition to normal experience, if you participate, I will reward you with feedback on your series. One point of XP may be traded in for reading of one episode of your Tapas series with feedback -- no strings attached.

I was playing a samurai based thing and my character almost died in a fake geisha house. The DM then let us in on a little secret. In the book we were playing out of, there's a note about the house saying 'it's there, but no one will ever see it', since it's tucked in behind a larger house, in the shadows.
How did we find it? My character hoisted another character onto her shoulders so they could see how to get out of a hedge maze.

RPG tales? Hells yes. I recounted a bunch for my website.

Fourth of July in Baldur's Gate

So we’re in the giant port city of Baldur’s Gate, the four of us: Emil the Rogue, Serena the Battlemage/Archer, Darius the Necromancer, and Grommel the Gladiator. We’re on a long-running quest to pursue these cultists who may be up to something world-threatening, but mostly our journey has consisted of infighting and side-questing for the locals.

There were a lot of small, funny moments in this campaign, none of which could fill an entire article on their own. We were randomly ambushed on a forest trail by a nest of giant spiders in the middle of an argument. Emil, my character, was best known for disarming traps with his face, because he was technically a locksmith, not a thief. The party was invited to a soiree, where everyone had a great time but Emil, who was being tied to a bed, then gutted like a fish by a hooker who turned out to be his ex in disguise. Grommel was put on surveillance duty, which he had never done before, so his idea of tailing the girl who came out of the house he was watching was to blatantly follow her until he was nearly arrested as a suspected rapist. Serena barging into a high-class inn, covered head to toe in blood, waiting in the doorway til she had the patrons’ undivided attention before declaring, “You would not BELIEVE the day I’ve had.” Grommel acquiring a magic drum that gave instant migraines to whoever beat it, and the variety of idiotic experiments we conducted to determine how it worked.

Baldur’s Gate was host to the best event of the game, though. Once in Baldur’s Gate we started running errands for the three political factions, but that’s neither here nor there. Our investigations eventually lead us to the local fireworks maker, who has info regarding whichever faction we were working against that week.

While we talk with the shopkeeper, Grommel is perusing the wares, and his half-orc eyes fall upon a magnificent work of art: a bottle rocket the size of a barrel.

“What’s that?” he asks.

Shopkeeper replies, “That’s my masterpiece. I only make one every two years, ‘cos that’s how long it takes to make.”

Grommel ponders a moment, then says, “How much?”

“Three hundred gold.”

We’re rolling in loot at this point in our adventure, so he says, “Done deal.”

For the rest of the day, while we’re running errands and getting into trouble, Grommel has this flying powder keg tucked under one arm. Eventually we reach a brick wall in our investigations, and we’re not sure where to go next.

Grommel shrugs and says, “Well, I dunno about you chaps, but I’m gonna light this sucker up.”

It’s the middle of the afternoon, but we’re bored and frustrated, so we shrug and go with.

It quickly becomes apparent that Grommel is drawing a crowd as we make our way down to the pier with this giant bottle rocket: every person we pass drops what they’re doing, stares at our absurd firework, then eventually follows as their curiosity gets the better of them. By the time we reach the pier and load this rocket into a dinghy, we have a crowd of about a hundred people with us, watching with anticipation. The bottle rocket is sent out into the bay on its little boat about fifty yards, then Grommel signals Serena to light it with a flame arrow.

It ignites, and soars into the sky, where it bursts into a myriad of brilliant blue sparks in the life-sized shape of a dragon, dazzling everyone on the pier below.

The dragon then proceeds to animate and set fire to the pier and all the ships in port. Suddenly the harbor is a panicked mass of screaming pedestrians, sailors, and dock workers. Ships pulling into port desperately veer off-course to avoid getting caught in the fiery chaos. We look at each other, realize the city guard is only seconds away, and join the fleeing crowds.

As we run away, we happen to glance to our left. Three blocks up the shore stands the fireworks maker, sick with laughter and slapping his knee.

We avoided the piers of Baldur’s Gate for the rest of the week. So did everyone else, since they were still on fire.

The chronicles of my Pathfinder character "Bonny Braids" Wulfgard are too long for one post, so the links are below if anyone's interested and in need of something to read on a slow day at the office.

Uuuh, way to much time pased, since I last played d&d. Sadly our group never had time again.
First I played a dwarfen fighter but I died very fast because I rescued my friends!
Then I was a very strong but ultra stupid Orc lady. She was so much fun xD because of luck I became the richest characters of the group, and I spent most of it for stupid things like a warpony, which couldn't carry me but I wanted a pony

Once during a campaign we were travelling in fire-giant territory. Until suddenly the chief of the fire giants finds us.

We can`t resurrect in case we die because is a no magic/caster campaign. If you die, you roll another character. That giant was a badass, he would probably kill at least one party member if we fight him. Also, larger creatures run faster than most of the party members. So, how did we get out of this predicament?

The party`s barbarian opens his backpack, searches for something, and politely ask: Wanna some chicken?. It turns out the giants were in a period of scarcity and starving. So the chief gladly accept the crispy chicken. He befriended the barbarian, converts to the religion of the barbarian (because they have crispy chicken) and leaves.

And that is how crispy chicken saved the party from a mighty fire giant.

The religion with crispy chicken is another story.....

Yep, I play D&D. My favorite scene was with my human ranger and another players halfling getting drunk on elvan wine while the rest of the party decided to go kill orks. Every time the DM asked the party to roll perception checks, we would look at each other and laugh.

I'm not sure if you call me an old Grognard.
Recently I became interested in Dragon Quest and instead of playing the new ones I went after the first one adapted for smartphones and play 3 of then, now playing the fourth one.

I wanted the original game but was out of print since the TSR bankrupt.
My Mom had a friend who said her son loved Dungeons and Dragons and played the one from the box since the 80s.

My mom brought me the Black Box that I didn't even know it existed. At first, I was excited because it was D&D, but also a bit disappointed because I wanted the famous red box.

When I opened I had an attack of happiness, besides the material of the red box there were books of the original boxes.
Basic, expert, companion, and master, a bunch of modules and five sets of dice.

I get the red book from the red box and I get a goosebump when I read how to use this book and is writing that you can do whatever thing you want and the book as a guideline to create your own races, classes, monsters, magic, and adventures.

I get why people said adventure time reminds of the old D&D with crazy stuff all around.
The old adventures are filled with kitchen sink fantasy, mix all kinds of fantasy with science fiction.
It was like old videogames like Fantasy Star and Final Fantasy with medieval fantasy, steampunk and whatever.

Later I discovered that Advanced dungeons and dragons, was another game, not an advanced version of D&D.
And that's even good because I didn't like the advanced version that became obligatory since the 3.5. wen the classic D&D was discontinued.

Some people come to me with the argument that in the advanced you could play with races and classes at the same time, and I never understand why they need for writing rules.

The original book is very clear that you can do whatever you wanted. If you want to play with a half-elf wizard you can.
I didn't even play with rules, I created my original races and classes based on videogames and cartoons.
my homebrew version had all the classes of final fantasy tactics.

Recently some friends ask me to make a version for their kids since 5th edition is too overcomplex.
And I'm doing.