26 / 78
Oct 2021

Okay I'll try to put these all in one reply

The Love You Give
Alright this one is nice and short, only 2 sentences. Good for you :tapa_pop:. I do think it could use a little more detail, saying exactly what the "encounter" is. Since it doesn't seem like we're at that part yet (all we have right now is that they keep noticing each other), I'll leave that part for you to write.

It's possible to even remove some details from this blurb. The first sentence can simply just be "Akiro has a crush on Hinata," though if Delinquent x Good Girl is the kinda vibe you wanna advertise then you can leave that in.

Miracle Teardrops
This blurb is pretty good and short, though I do believe it could use some edits to sound more interesting.

Alexa is a girl with a rare illness. After being given two flowers that bloomed from a mysterious boy's tears, she begins to find some hope. Is this the work of miracle teardrops?

I feel like "illness" gives off a more serious and dire connotation, though that's up to you if you wanna change it. The rest of the changes were just stuff that I felt would sound more natural. Though keep in mind that's just my East Coast USA type of thinking with words, and I can't assume where you're from so I don't know if it's any different where you're at. Just try to sound as natural as possible as if you were presenting this story to a group of people.

That Beautiful Melody
Ah common mistake I see in blurbs: too vague. Focus on setting the mood in the story itself, not the blurb.

This basically seems to be a story about a girl who can't chose between two love interests. Let's make that the blurb.

It's springtime, and Tomoyo has a secret crush on her classmate, Ryu. That is, until someone else comes into her sights.

Since you have a very short comic with an easy to follow plot, adding a little vagueness can work to make it tempting to read. With this rewrite, you get an idea of what's going on without saying too much.

Waiting Under the Stars
I'd remove "This story is based on true events." It might make people feel like they're just gonna read an autobiography, but even then I don't think it helps all that much in getting people to read the story. Other than that, I think this does it pretty well, though I do recommend mentioning a key event to get people interested in at least reading up until that event. Talk about when they meet again.

Anyway everyone I gtg to bed now but if I have time I might be able to pick these back up tomorrow :wave:

:heart: Thank you so much for your feedbacks/suggestions on my blurbs and the blurb rewrites. I'll keep them in mind. :smiley:

Alright for this one I think you can essentially cut out the whole first paragraph and go straight into:

A young demigod is sent out on a routine mission to exorcise a spirit. Yet, what she finds leads her to question the gods, the truths of the world, and herself...

This alone should be perfect for a blurb. The whole first paragraph is a little too much information, and you can instead explain that throughout your comic's lore. I don't even think you need to mention what the Luma is, since it's basically explained in the prologue.

Also I just realized I should've done Zhengo's review before diestreve's, since it came first. Sorry for missing that.

I am garbage at writing copy, so crits are very welcome! Tear it apart please!

Description
Angel hunters hide among us, fighting a brutal war spanning millennia, and Heaven's final wave is coming. Generals Savina and Nira confront Heaven's hordes and their own inner demons while leading a scrappy army who would rather eat pizza and give their superior crap for accidentally pantsing an angel.
Heaven Hunters is a sci-fi epic tearing through time and parallel universes, reexamining the nature of good and evil, and unraveling the gods' secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows.

Alright your current blurb has quite a bit of unnecessary information. Let's go to the basics of your story:

  • Angels vs Demons
  • Savina and Nira lead an pretty lame army

Generals Savina and Nira are angel hunters. Together, they'll confront Heaven's strongest hordes and their own inner demons while struggling to lead an army who would rather eat pizza all day.

Okay this is a pretty rough draft from me, and it comes from the fact that I really wanna include the part about "unraveling the gods' secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows" :cry_02: (it kinda makes me think of my own comic's blurb). I like hinting secrets in blurbs.

So think of that draft as a bit of a comedic variant. If you're aiming for more serious you can do:

Generals Savina and Nira are angel hunters fighting in a brutal war spanning millennia. Together, they'll confront Heaven's strongest hordes and their own inner demons while unraveling the god's secret history that's deeper and darker than anyone knows.

You can even try a mix between the two and see what you like. Just remember to use no more than 3 sentences for your blurb. Don't worry about mentioning the genre of your comic since it's shown on the info page anyway.

If you'd like I can send you a private message, reviewing your story a bit. I'd rather not clog up the thread here so I think PMs would be best.

Perfect timing. I'm in desperate need to upgrade my blurb!
You might have come across it already though, haha :sweat_02:

Thank you so much for doing this! :smile:

Description
A Master's student picked up a cat blanket on the street.
Unknown to its Master, the blanket is alive and is always ready to offer its service! Secretly… as it cannot reveal its past! (˵Φ ω Φ˵)

Alright so in your comic there's two main characters: Bomeo and its master. What's kinda awkward about your blurb is that it mentions a "master's student" picking up the blanket. I read your comic and since we don't see that event happening just yet, it gets a bit confusing (heck, the master in question appears to be a student himself). Because of that, I'm assuming that this was a typo and that Bomeo's current master was the one who found it, not someone else.

Another thing, Bomeo refers to its owner as "master," but the reader can tell he's just a regular guy. So, how about adjusting the blurb to fit that case?

A guy picks up a cat blanket on the street one day. Unknown to him, the blanket is alive and always ready to offer its service! But only secretly, as it cannot reveal it's past...

(okay maybe I'm a bit of a fan girl for ending in ellipses but I just think they're neat :cry_02:)

Anyway, instead of "guy," you can use another term to identify him. Looking at episode 2, he kinda appears to be a college student to me, so you can say "A college student picks up a cat blanket" and maybe even add a adjective like "A lonely college student" (he doesn't appear to have anyone else in this comic, so this can be used to emphasize how significant is it that he now has Bomeo in his life).

Aaaaaah thank you so muchhhhh! Those are really legit points :smile:

Especially about the Master's student portion. It was meant as a pun that Bomeo's Master is a Master's (a.k.a. graduate) student, but we never realized it has a different meaning in this context :sweat_02:

Bomeo calling him Master is just Bomeo enjoying role-play while being one-sidedly obsessed (...?) with the dude, haha. Maybe we should remove it altogether, since it's rather confusing now.
(And yes, Master looks so lonely at times :cry_02: It's so cute that he has Bomeo as company)

Also, just curious, but is it confusing to call Bomeo a "cat blanket"?
This has been bugging us for ages, but idk how to else to describe it and just left it as-is in hope that the term + thumbnail/cover together would make sense to new readers.

I think I need this. I mean, I like how my blurb sounds in my head, but in my head it's in my native language. :sweat_02: In English, I don't know how to explain things without those long-ass phrases.
In any case, here's the blurb, please help me out with it!

Description:
Grimnir is the only human being in the Plains capable of using magic, but instead of siding with his people against the invasion of the shapeshifters called "the Intruders", he prefers to get drunk and wander in the desert, living as a storyteller.
Is it true what is whispered in the alleys of Gullveig, that Grimnir gained his magic power by making a blood pact with an enemy Intruder? And that, because of this pact, if the Intruder is hurt, Grimnir also bleeds?
As the war between humans and Intruders escalates, Grim will be forced to choose his side once and for all.

Link, if needed

I mean, I don't know about what other people think, but I always understood it like this: Bomeo is a blanket that can fold up into the shape of a cat, kinda like Comfy Critters

this is Bomeo

Alright I quite like this blurb already. While it is longer than I would usually recommend, I feel like every sentence is still important to explaining the plot. It didn't feel that long when I read it.
That being said I think some things can be cut to prune it down a bit and make it easier to read in English:

Grimnir is the only human in the Plains capable of using magic, but instead of siding with his people against the shapeshifters known as "the Intruders," he prefers the get drunk and wander the desert as a storyteller. Could the rumors be true that he gained his magic by making a blood pack with an Intruder? As the war between the two groups escalates, Grim will be forced to choose his side once and for all.

Oh, sure! I know I can be a little long-winded, maybe you can see if my blurb needs a little help.

-Description-
Synthetic Human and Private Detective DN-144, Diana, investigates a high-profile case of murder that thrusts her into the upper echelon of society.
With an innocent man about to be punished, the down-to-earth detective must navigate the life of high society, and avoid getting offed herself as she tries to solve the death of the wealthy and influential Atticus Chambers.

-Link-

The value in our encounters, the ones around us and the foundation for our dreams.

"They say humans change as they meet new people. Isn't that almost like resonance?"

Matsumoto Isamu, a high school junior, is obsessed with his ambition to be remembered. To become someone great or doing something of significant impact. With strengths that he can't use properly and weaknesses that bind him, he lives his life constantly in doubt. He has also been troubled due to a mysterious silhouette appearing in the park near his home at times.

What will happen when he unravels the silhouette's identity?

Told mostly through dialogue and comedy, this is a story of a group of individuals, each on their own journey, and how much they influence each other without realizing it.

Do humans really resonate? Or is it just fiction?

Link: