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Jul 2016

Granted, but now you can only play the most terrible and buggiest games ever created.

I wish I could meet the other me from a parallel universe.

Granted but other you is psychotic murderer who kills you with his sight and hangs your face on his wall of other selves.

I wish for more hours in the day.

Granted, the earth stops spinning when its noon where you live and falls into the sun.

I wish Neil DeGrasse Tyson was my dad.

(Oh man, me too.)
Granted, but after becoming your dad, Neil is suddenly whisked away to a parallel dimension to be the host of Nova Science Life in the Multiverse Now and is never heard from again.

I wish making lineart wasn't so tedious.

You get the flower but it attracts all the bees and the bees sting you because you are in possession of the greatest flower in all of bee kind.

I wish for cats.
just cats
only cats
the world is cats

Granted, but there isn't a litterbox big enough to contain the stench.

I wish healthy food tasted like junk food.

Granted but you overeat healthy food and your body suddenly reacts to it, leaving you allergic to anything healthy.

I wish aliens would actually visit, announce their arrival and turn out to be friendly

Granted but the aliens turn out to be too friendly and start to mate with humans. You were the first... victim...

I wish I was evil.

Granted. You can freeze time, but you lack the power to unfreeze it. You grow old, while the universe stays firmly in place.

I wish the internet was a friendlier place.

Granted, but now everone's too friendly, and it starts to grate.

I wish I could teleport.

Granted but you can only teleport to the last place you had a cheese calzone with extra mushrooms and ghost peppers.

I wish I could git gud

Congrats your gud. Infact your too gud, successful at everything. But no one wants to compete with you, leaving you forever isolated

Sooner or later you'll be bored of your life, and try to fail. Only to end up winning anyway

I wish for infinite wishes
1. The ability to cancel other wishes
2, That everyone had to type "Tom Sawyer is Awesome" on their bio
3. The ability to never lose, depending on my desire
4. The OP would finally declare me as the winner
5. That @AshKetchup's perfect sandwich was mine
6. That @lilybugged and no one else can make the effects wear off, and no hidden clauses

...this has made me wonder would this victory be satisfying
Well anyway I created something impossible to break

Granted but everyone in the world is now procrastinating and will tend to your wishes later.

That reminds me I wish for my sandwich again.

Granted. You're given a sandwich so perfect and divine, and upon devouring it it fills you with a void. You know you will never taste something so wonderful ever again, and it will haunt you the rest of your life.

I wish I could have birds and animals follow me around like I was a Disney princess.

...can't say i didn't see this coming

Granted, Your covered in bird poop for the rest of your life

I wish for Father, Lust, Envy, Wrath, Pride, and Sloth from FMA
Also they serve me. and I'm invincible and immortal