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Oct 2016

You get an A on your exam. But your parents are strict Asian parents and beat you for not getting and A++...

Also your dad uses his fists this time, and not his belt...

I wish that this wish was corrupted by a wish corrupter...

@lukas3 Granted! But the wish-corrupter takes offence to your cunning and decides to interpret your wish as a 'free-for all'. You can now only eat food after you answer twenty riddles, if you fail even one you will go hungry for twenty hours.

I wish I could make every racist person in the world suddenly learn all the knowledge they need to know about every race. Or just give me a big house or whatever.....

When they gain that knowledge, they become even more racist.

I wish for a cream cheese bagel...

Granted, but it's onions and chives flavored cream cheese and a rye bagel
(Maybe you like that but I don't, uh!)

I wish my iPad wouldn't run out of batteries

Granted, your iPad now runs on yodeling power, you must constantly yodel non-stop to use your iPad

I wish I had photographic memory.

Every now and then, you vomit out photos of your most embarassing memories

I wish I was dead

Granted you're a dead battery in an old phone. You take forever to charge, and your owner is seriously considering an upgrade.

I wish I didn't have so much paperwork to deal with...

@Strontium Oh gosh, I'm the weirdo that likes onion and chive. XD

Granted, now every bit of fibre on earth suddenly explodes into nothing. :'D (It was nice knowing you, trees.)

I wish I could make whatever food I crave magically appear.

Granted, but the food you conjure tastes horrible. It only superficially looks good.

I wish my car didn't run out of gasoline.

@JessJackdaw weirdo

Granted!

Your car walks out of gasoline...

I wish for a free Lambo...

Granted! Lambo appears! "Lambo (ランボ, Ranbō) is a 5-year-old hitman who originally came to Japan with the intent of killing Reborn. He is a spoiled and cowardly child who takes candy from everyone; it has been said that he never brushes his teeth." http://reborn.wikia.com/wiki/Lambo

I wish that the next person to grant a wish has uncontrollable diarrhoea!

Granted!
walks away to the bathroom

I wish for the person who wished for the wish I just corrupted to get gas problems (uncontrollable farts)...

Granted!

Spends 7 days collecting farts into one jar

I wish for the wish granter above me to be forced to live in my fart jar for a thousand years.

(My gawd, this is the Hammer Dracula of threads...)

Granted, the power of the flatus turns them into the maginifident and terrible Djinn of Poots. After the thousand years is over they are unleashed upon the world and engulf it in smelly terror.

I wish I would stop losing things.

You stop losing things, but in turn you start gaining things, including bounties on your head for suspected theft. Shouldn't have stole from that art museum.

I wish the art museum forgave me

Granted!

The art museum forgives you. Then wants to be buddies with you. Really wants to be buddies with you...

I wish for a wish...

Your wish is granted- and consumed- all at once, by its very manifestation. You're left with a lingering sense of regret at a missed opportunity, never to come again.

I wish for happiness.