THIRTEENTH UPDATE! (Replies 131-144)
The Mule @Ninjaniskel
=Excellent descriptive writing; the language is just a little awkward here and there. Some light editing and some style study could easily take it from âgoodâ to âpro-levelâ.
Things like switching out âthe highest bossesâ for âthe higher-upsâ, yâknow? You seem to be good at building immersion, but you keep breaking it with these unnatural turns of phrase.
Woe to the Jester @Sol_N
-Very strong, engaging intro~ 
=Itâs kind of interesting, I guess. I donât really enjoy reading stories with that much pathos, but it looks like a solid, professional piece of writing that people will like a lot. ^^ Best of luck~
The Ghoul @FafasMcMelt
-The faces are just a liiiiiitle uncanny. I suggest you do some expression studies, âcause they look pretty goodâŠright up until they start showing emotion. ^^;
-In general, the art is so good; it could just a little work. There are so many amazing skills on display in this comic, but each and every one of them are kinda just 80% there; not all the way. Itâs possible that youâll just grow into them as the comic progressesâŠI certainly hope so.
=I think this is a great comic in the making. The art holds up, and the story so far is kind of interesting (I wonder, how did they identify the body if its face is gone? Unless someone came along later and took it�)
Even the violence/action is pretty well done, although I have two notes on that: one, clarity. You may want to outline the figures of the characters with some blank space, so they donât get lost in the chaos of the background (itâs a difficult technique in b/w comics, but thereâs plenty of manga out there that can teach it to you).
Two, speedâŠI guess, emotive speed. I think, if youâre getting stabbed in the throat, you donât spend a lot of time crying about itâŠdefinitely not 4 panelsâ worth. ^^; The flesh there is thin, so with a sword that big youâd rip through the trachea almost immediatelyâŠand usually when people stop breathing, they either go into full panic mode or straight into shock. Just my two centsâŠthe way you did it carries a lot of pathos, though, so even if itâs not totally physiologically accurate, I donât blame you. ^^
Just Peachy @Disneybug314
-Thereâs something about Ep 1 that feelsâŠartificial, insincere. Maybe itâs just lacking in detail, or character investment, or both. Just in general, it doesnât feel like someone actually talking about their experiences, it reads more like a character doing a âlast time on [ins. Series]â recap before the new episodeâŠ
-Use quotation marks, please. Or at least some well-placed colons ( : ) to make dialogue clearâŠyes, even inner dialogue.
=Yeah, this doesnât feel real. Itâs not a bad story; Iâm sure itâll entertain people, but it just feelsâŠtotally devoid of style. Nothing about the phrasing or word choice makes you feel like youâre reading through the actual thoughts of someone who walked out of a time machine and into the apocalypse; thereâs not enough genuine emotion.
Like in Ep 2, where MC says theyâre basically having an anxiety attackâŠthey describe physical things, like rocking back and forth and pulling out their hair, but they do it SO fast and impersonally, as if itâs not at all new to them that theyâre having these feelings.
And then, not even 5 lines later, they go âthe first thing to do in a zombie apocalypse isâŠâ as if theyâre in situations like this all the time. =/ Like, you keep saying over and over that whatâs happening is unheard of, and shocking, and horrifying, but your character isnât acting that way at all. Itâs like this is all a game to them; itâs hard to take them seriouslyâŠin short, itâs a classic case of telling instead of showing.
