....mkay.
The comic series is called The King of Roo.
Brief synopsis.
Religious Kingdom is under huge tensions
Cult arises.
Prince sets out to find legendary armor to stop potential civil war.
Cult wants him dead and wants to use the civil war to utterly destroy the kingdom.
...so, its worth every penny!
https://tapas.io/series/King-of-Roo
+react
Imma try and update past the Sample episode 15, cause the sample is simply me drawing a scene from Part Two of the book. (God Willing)
ELEVENTH UPDATE! (Replies 104-114)
Godswater @hjpetersonauthor
=I read the whole first chapter straight through, and I gotta say it was excellent. A little slow-paced but not enough to be boring, thankfully. The Watcher is really interesting, and just in general the world of the story feels real and âaliveâ, with lots of elements that I canât wait to hear more about.
When Death Meets Chaos @uglygirlnextdoor
=Okay, soâŚI think the most important quality for any poem to have is a pleasant sound. You can do this by trying to make it rhyme, making rhythmic syllable combinations, breaking up words and sentences in interesting waysâŚ
âŚI see none of that here. =/ It kinda looks like you just formatted normal prose into stanzas without any kind of technique in mindâŚand the obvious grammatical errors throughout make it hard to take the writing seriously. If by some slim chance youâre doing that on purposeâŚdonât. I think the poem will read a lot better if your grasp of English isnât in question.
Life in Polaroids @ApplesOverIndia
=In a word: unnatural.
Neither of the characters feel like real people, to the point where itâs hard to maintain interest in what the narrator is saying. Sheâs desperate enough to run away from her old life without a dime to her name, but sheâs willing to trust a complete stranger at the drop of a hat?? This âmanic pixie dream girlâ, to borrow a phrase from a commenter, doesnât even bother to tell her anything about herself beforehand. Like, at least if they had some time to bond before they teamed up, I could believe it, but all she does is order some food and say âI got money, brbââŚwhich feels suspiciously like a plot convenience. =/
And speaking of the MPDG: her lines in particular are very unnatural; and even if she is meant to fit into that stereotype, it doesnât mean she doesnât deserve better characterization.
I think you should go over her lines and try to re-write them from her perspective: what is she running from? What does she think when she sees this crying girl in the restaurant; what does she expect from her? How does she plan to convince her to trust her (believe it or not, most real people DO need to be convinced to let a stranger into their car and run off to god-knows-where with them, especially if they are already in a vulnerable position, which MC girl seems to be).
Your writing style is pretty good, but the content itself just doesnât live up to it IMO. Fortunately, thatâs fairly easy to improve.
Run @HikaruJinx
-The formatting of the speech bubbles really needs workâŚfor one thing, you should center the text within them. Speech bubbles are round; they donât need straight-line margins.
For another thing, no one likes to read a huge block of text all in one sitting. Downsizing the text to force everything to fit in one panel just makes it worseâŚbreak up the dialogue, please.
-The actions of the characters are also very hard to read. Portraying movement in a comic is a language all its own, and it doesnât look like you understand it at all yet. So thatâs an area youâll probably want to study in the future.
=Basically, this comic looks pretty amateurish in almost every way possible. Itâs readable, but thereâs LOTS of room for improvement, to say the least.
TWELFTH UPDATE! (Replies 115-131)
Dianchian @Lemon_Demon
=I think this novel suffers from an oddlyâŚdetached writing style. Like, it feels almost like youâre going out of your way to avoid creating an immersive experience.
Like in Chapter 2, when you spend all that time describing what a new character is wearing, and then just suddenly drop that whoever heâs looking at is his ânephewâ as the only identifier of who this character is.
Like, if we need to know, why not just say that someoneâs uncle walked in?? Why make it so cryptic and unnecessarily confusingâŚ?
To give another example, this line: âThe girl looked like she was about to facepalmâ.
Itâs purposely abstractâŚto âlookâ like you are about to facepalm is so much more nebulous thanâŚactually facepalming. Or frowning, or sighing, or other actual expressions that are associated with exasperation. But instead of using any of those, you choose to describe her as being about to make an expression. Why??
All in all, it results in a novel thatâs almost âuncannyâ to readâŚbetween this and the lack of setting description or even movement description, it feels more like a rushed string of events than an actual story.
When the Leaves Fall @gabrielabittenocurt
-POWERFUL beginning. Holy moly O_O
-This is one of the first novels Iâve read here where, although the language isnât 100% correct proof-reading-wise, the words flow really well and are pleasant to read. It does get a little confusing at certain âpoeticâ moments, but overall itâs not bad.
=Interesting setting, strong dialogue, well-formed characters. ^^ I think you have a great story here, and I wish you luck with it in the future~
The Sound of You @littlelilylee5683
-Maybe itâs because I already know French, but the way you sneakily translate every phrase used within in the next couple of lines is justâŚit feels odd. Like, I admire the skill, but whyyyyy
=Itâs a nice book. Doesnât really capture my attention, but itâs pleasant to read, I guess. The side characters feel a little hollow and NPC-ish, but I think you have a strong MC.
Grim Reaper in Training @summermcallen
-Composition: Excellent~
-Art: OK
-Dialogue: OK-ish
=Itâs not a âperfectâ comic, but I like it so far. The characters feel pretty lovable already, and although their dialogue is a little clunky, it seems to reflect their personalities well. ^^
Dragens Den @Fox_Den7
=MmmâŚok-ish? It has a pretty amateurish feel (which is kind of exacerbated by the âhey this is a serious comicâ announcement at the beginningâŚ) and the beginning is a bit dullâŚfor 5 pages worth of material, nothing much seems toâŚhappen. The flashback picks up the pace a little, but with the skill level of the drawings itâs difficult to tell whatâs actually happening without a second or third lookâŚ
Welcome to Hell @techstylesstudio
-âŚNgl, this feels less like a coherent comic and more like an excuse to repeatedly draw a sexy demon girl with comically large boobs. =/
=I can tell thereâs supposed to be humor in this, but it just doesnât feel like youâre trying very hard; itâs so basicâŚI mean, the whole premise is a little basic, but you could easily do something creative with it. Doesnât look like thatâs happening, thoughâŚ
âŚAlso, typos. Typos EVERYWHERE
@DokiDokiTsuna I must say, I admire your commitment.
Thanks for the feedback! I'm not sure how far you read, so I don't what to say about the side characters. I write in third person, but I do try to stick to one character's point of view. I suppose that limits the development of other characters. I'll try to work on that. Sorry it didn't interest you, but I'm glad it's maybe an easy read? At least my MC is good.
The translating without translating is for all the people who don't speak French, I guess. I didn't want to sacrifice that part of the character, but also didn't want people to miss what was said most of the time. Perhaps I don't need that and the reader can just not know.
Title: Talipandas
Tags: Fantasy, Slice of Life, Romance, Magic, Royalty, Transimgration, Reincarnation
Comic or Novel: Novel
Summary: When spoiled rich girl Ari's life ends, she finds herself reborn as Princess Iris in a fantasy world created by her childhood imaginary friend! But being a princess comes with being the last hope to remove an evil curse from the royal bloodline, which would be a lot easier if she hadn't inherited the most useless kind of magic in the world.
Link:
Thank you so much for reading! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the story. I am relieved that the dialogues are good, as I feel a little difficult to write them. I apologize for the grammatical errors. English is not my mother tongue (I am Brazilian, I speak Portuguese). In fact, I hired someone to translate for me. Again, a lot to read. I hope you follow the story going forward
Obviously, I'm not gonna self-promo but I do empathize those who are genuinely bored.
This high fantasy reincarnation novel is awesome. I know this is a completed one but I can't seem to find the site of its complete version. But whatever. I hope you enjoyed reading this!
I am the Monarch by Cheol Jonggeum
THIRTEENTH UPDATE! (Replies 131-144)
The Mule @Ninjaniskel
=Excellent descriptive writing; the language is just a little awkward here and there. Some light editing and some style study could easily take it from âgoodâ to âpro-levelâ.
Things like switching out âthe highest bossesâ for âthe higher-upsâ, yâknow? You seem to be good at building immersion, but you keep breaking it with these unnatural turns of phrase.
Woe to the Jester @Sol_N
-Very strong, engaging intro~
=Itâs kind of interesting, I guess. I donât really enjoy reading stories with that much pathos, but it looks like a solid, professional piece of writing that people will like a lot. ^^ Best of luck~
The Ghoul @FafasMcMelt
-The faces are just a liiiiiitle uncanny. I suggest you do some expression studies, âcause they look pretty goodâŚright up until they start showing emotion. ^^;
-In general, the art is so good; it could just a little work. There are so many amazing skills on display in this comic, but each and every one of them are kinda just 80% there; not all the way. Itâs possible that youâll just grow into them as the comic progressesâŚI certainly hope so.
=I think this is a great comic in the making. The art holds up, and the story so far is kind of interesting (I wonder, how did they identify the body if its face is gone? Unless someone came along later and took it�)
Even the violence/action is pretty well done, although I have two notes on that: one, clarity. You may want to outline the figures of the characters with some blank space, so they donât get lost in the chaos of the background (itâs a difficult technique in b/w comics, but thereâs plenty of manga out there that can teach it to you).
Two, speedâŚI guess, emotive speed. I think, if youâre getting stabbed in the throat, you donât spend a lot of time crying about itâŚdefinitely not 4 panelsâ worth. ^^; The flesh there is thin, so with a sword that big youâd rip through the trachea almost immediatelyâŚand usually when people stop breathing, they either go into full panic mode or straight into shock. Just my two centsâŚthe way you did it carries a lot of pathos, though, so even if itâs not totally physiologically accurate, I donât blame you. ^^
Just Peachy @Disneybug314
-Thereâs something about Ep 1 that feelsâŚartificial, insincere. Maybe itâs just lacking in detail, or character investment, or both. Just in general, it doesnât feel like someone actually talking about their experiences, it reads more like a character doing a âlast time on [ins. Series]â recap before the new episodeâŚ
-Use quotation marks, please. Or at least some well-placed colons ( : ) to make dialogue clearâŚyes, even inner dialogue.
=Yeah, this doesnât feel real. Itâs not a bad story; Iâm sure itâll entertain people, but it just feelsâŚtotally devoid of style. Nothing about the phrasing or word choice makes you feel like youâre reading through the actual thoughts of someone who walked out of a time machine and into the apocalypse; thereâs not enough genuine emotion.
Like in Ep 2, where MC says theyâre basically having an anxiety attackâŚthey describe physical things, like rocking back and forth and pulling out their hair, but they do it SO fast and impersonally, as if itâs not at all new to them that theyâre having these feelings.
And then, not even 5 lines later, they go âthe first thing to do in a zombie apocalypse isâŚâ as if theyâre in situations like this all the time. =/ Like, you keep saying over and over that whatâs happening is unheard of, and shocking, and horrifying, but your character isnât acting that way at all. Itâs like this is all a game to them; itâs hard to take them seriouslyâŚin short, itâs a classic case of telling instead of showing.
Are you searching a contemporary mystery drama series which would make you sit at the back of your peaceful sofa seat, with a kitten on your lap, a hot cup of coffee on one hand and reading a novel on your phone in another hand, enjoying one of the best mystery webnovel out there? Well, you've hit the right spot! I, the writer of 'Wake Up Dead', tries to dive you in the world of Kartik Khandelwal where a group of murderers named 'The Suiciders' are creating a chaos in the heart of India, Delhi, with repetitive attempts to murder famous politicians and other important figures and take over the whole administration. Will Kartik, with his 'The Suiciders Defense Group', be able to save the city?
Here's the first chapter: