TWELFTH UPDATE! (Replies 115-131)
Dianchian @Lemon_Demon
=I think this novel suffers from an oddly…detached writing style. Like, it feels almost like you’re going out of your way to avoid creating an immersive experience.
Like in Chapter 2, when you spend all that time describing what a new character is wearing, and then just suddenly drop that whoever he’s looking at is his ‘nephew’ as the only identifier of who this character is.
Like, if we need to know, why not just say that someone’s uncle walked in?? Why make it so cryptic and unnecessarily confusing…?
To give another example, this line: “The girl looked like she was about to facepalm”.
It’s purposely abstract…to “look” like you are about to facepalm is so much more nebulous than…actually facepalming. Or frowning, or sighing, or other actual expressions that are associated with exasperation. But instead of using any of those, you choose to describe her as being about to make an expression. Why??
All in all, it results in a novel that’s almost ‘uncanny’ to read…between this and the lack of setting description or even movement description, it feels more like a rushed string of events than an actual story.
When the Leaves Fall @gabrielabittenocurt
-POWERFUL beginning. Holy moly O_O
-This is one of the first novels I’ve read here where, although the language isn’t 100% correct proof-reading-wise, the words flow really well and are pleasant to read. It does get a little confusing at certain ‘poetic’ moments, but overall it’s not bad.
=Interesting setting, strong dialogue, well-formed characters. ^^ I think you have a great story here, and I wish you luck with it in the future~
The Sound of You @littlelilylee5683
-Maybe it’s because I already know French, but the way you sneakily translate every phrase used within in the next couple of lines is just…it feels odd. Like, I admire the skill, but whyyyyy
=It’s a nice book. Doesn’t really capture my attention, but it’s pleasant to read, I guess. The side characters feel a little hollow and NPC-ish, but I think you have a strong MC.
Grim Reaper in Training @summermcallen
-Composition: Excellent~
-Art: OK
-Dialogue: OK-ish
=It’s not a ‘perfect’ comic, but I like it so far. The characters feel pretty lovable already, and although their dialogue is a little clunky, it seems to reflect their personalities well. ^^
Dragens Den @Fox_Den7
=Mmm…ok-ish? It has a pretty amateurish feel (which is kind of exacerbated by the ‘hey this is a serious comic’ announcement at the beginning…) and the beginning is a bit dull…for 5 pages worth of material, nothing much seems to…happen. The flashback picks up the pace a little, but with the skill level of the drawings it’s difficult to tell what’s actually happening without a second or third look…
Welcome to Hell @techstylesstudio
-…Ngl, this feels less like a coherent comic and more like an excuse to repeatedly draw a sexy demon girl with comically large boobs. =/
=I can tell there’s supposed to be humor in this, but it just doesn’t feel like you’re trying very hard; it’s so basic…I mean, the whole premise is a little basic, but you could easily do something creative with it. Doesn’t look like that’s happening, though…
…Also, typos. Typos EVERYWHERE
