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Apr 2021

You already got a lot of novels and comics going on... Can I add my novel to the list?

Hey everyone here is my comics that i update every friday
Comic:

I hope you will like them

please enjoy!

NINTH UPDATE! (Replies 83-93)

Dan @dsptss78
=I…don’t know how to feel about this. The dialogue feels very on-the-nose and almost…childish?? Like, it reads like something created by a third-grader, although you can tell by the language used that a 10-year-old probably didn’t write it…which makes it uncomfortable…
That, and the art could definitely use some work. =/ Like a lot.

Plot Armor Academy @PriestofDudeism
-A very creative premise; I’ve never heard anything like it…
-I like the art style...It’s a little rough, but in a cute way~
-…Okay, the writing is a little confusing. Even the order of the speech bubbles…in one panel they read left to right, and then in the next they read right to left…das not gud
=So the line between writing a comic about bleh characters and actually writing bleh characters is kind of thin…and I feel like you might be straddling it. ^^;
Like, I can see where the comic is going, and there are some good ideas in there…but in and of itself, it’s more confusing than enjoyable. And this is just the beginning; the meta jokes aren’t even stale yet (and they will get stale eventually. I’m currently re-writing a meta comic, so I know…you gotta have more than that to offer).
I think it could benefit from a good editor, at least to sharpen up the jokes. I feel like there’s actually a lot of humor in there, and if less of it fell flat it would definitely improve the quality of the comic by leaps and bounds.

Doctored Chance: The Unpleasant Preceding of "Pajama Boy" and What Drove Him to Murder @thealooffloof
-I feel like the title is a bit unwieldy…I get that it’s supposed to be charming, but unfortunately it doesn’t really roll off the tongue. And I’m not sure what ‘preceding’ is supposed to mean in that context…
-Eeeee, your writing style is really…something~. Something good, by the way. ^^ It feels so very fresh and novel…and professional, too.
=It’s hard to know what to say…I have no idea what this story will be about. And yet, I enjoy reading it, which is a great sign if I’ve ever seen one. ;] Rock on; can’t wait to see where this goes~

Rosie and the Reaper @akitsukino
-At first I didn’t understand where the story had gone, and I was so confused…that’s what I get for doing this 2 months after the fact, I guess…=P
-This grimm reaper character looks so…oddly innocent. ^^; It freaks me out a little, ngl…
=It’s unfortunate that I got here too late to react to the whole thing, but anyway: overall, it feels kinda basic? =/ I think the art is good— could definitely be better, but it’s already above-average (especially the coloring). The story so far feels kinda predictable, though; doesn’t seem to bring many new ideas to the concept.
…That, and I want to like the Reaper but his face is so uncanny I just can’t look at him. >_<

Thank you so much for checking out Doctored Chance! I know the full title can be unwieldy, but I haven't the heart to change it because it flows the way I (very personally) like. (sort of like "The Hundred Year Old Man Who Jumped Out a Window and Disappeared", where it gives away the premise of the plot but vaguely and rhythmically). It's not for everyone though :sweat_smile: that's very fair

I'm glad to hear you've enjoyed it so far! and that my writing style works. Thanks a million, it's really nice to hear it :purple_heart:

My novel "The Legacy of combat" is inspired by many Shonen battle anime stories. I'll make it simple. If you like Dragon ball franchise, naruto, bleach, one piece, hunter X hunter, yugioh, black clover, etc then come check this out. I want to improve my writing skills through feedback, so please give me comments. Link is below

https://tapas.io/series/The-Legacy-of-Combat2

Please check out my novel I'm writing. It's for people 18 and over only, it does contain mature , graphic, and traumatic scenes and could trigger unwanted memories or reactions for some. :slight_smile: thank you!

If you're still doing these, here's mine!

Come check out mine if you're free! Any feedback is welcome!

25 days later

I have no idea when this thread will finally end…maybe I’ll add it into my weekly schedule so I can get it done; I’d rather not drag it out indefinitely. ^^;

TENTH UPDATE! (Replies 93-103)

Hetero Sakura @Koneko-chan-hai
=Kind of an interesting premise. The art is a little bleh, but you have a skill in composition that makes the whole comic feel more professional. I think it has a bright future~

The Dark Orient @raihasaki
-Some of the first few drawings are a little uncanny looking…with any realistic style, quality control is key.
-Impressive monster design~
=Overall, I think this looks like a good comic. Professional-looking art style, good dialogue & pacing, excellent composition…it’s not the kind of thing I like, but I think it should do well.

The Missing Moon God @YueCross
-I think this is the first story I’ve read in this thread where the writing has an amateurish feel, but sounds good anyway. 0_0 Very interesting…
=So I think this writing’s biggest issue is the pacing/spacing. Events kinda just cluster together without so much as a line break in between; you bring in new and dramatic developments in the span of a single sentence. Like, by the time I realize something serious just happened I’m already 2 paragraphs ahead and wondering what I missed.
You might want to try to write a little more “slowly”; pad things out to give the reader time to absorb what’s happening and actually feel it. A heavenly battle and subsequent MC suicide should take more than one 7-line paragraph to write…I mean, I assume these things are important? If they are, you shouldn’t present them in a way that implies they should be rushed through and skimmed over.

The Legend of the Flower Demon Lord @karinemmarques
-So, both the ‘misunderstood/underdog evil’ AND the ‘training school to become the chosen one’ tropes are in play here…how about that…
-AND the ‘MC girl who is loved by all the boys and hated by all the girls except for her lackey friends’ trope, AND the ‘aiming for the one (1) mysterious boy who rejects all the girls but will probably get together with MC girl in the end’ trope…wow
=I’m probably already coming off as a hater, but I gotta say: this story feels pretty basic. =/
And the main character gives off a lot of Mary-Sue vibes…generally, when you try to write someone as the ‘outcast/oddball’ and also the ‘darling of the school/envy of everyone’ at the same time, you can end up with that effect.
And of course, the ‘not like other girls’ theme…it’s subtle, but it’s definitely there, what with her being implied as the ONLY Princess who’s not there to snag a warrior husband. Mm. T_T

HOWEVER, I have to admit that the premise is actually interesting. So there’s a class of Princesses, who use their looks and charm to recruit Warriors to do quests for them, and a class of Warriors, who compete to get better quests and rewards from Princesses. Like, for once, a fantasy-school class division that has an immediate symbiotic dynamic…that’s not bad.

With that in mind (and the backstory of the Ciels) I think this story could eventually mature into something really neat. But the key word there is ‘mature’…smarter writing is needed, and a lot of it. For one thing, you gotta recognize that all these tropey themes are just that: tropey. They are old, they’ve been done, and most readers over the age of 10 have probably already seen a lot of them.
So when the narrator says something like “Can you BELIEVE we’re actually forced to compete with each other over our LOOKS??”…yes, yes we can. T_T You’re in a princess school in a YA novel; the real surprise would be if you weren’t.

Just…don’t write this story as if it’s even remotely difficult to understand. Focus less on having the MC explain and over-dramatically react to every (fairly predictable) aspect of her ‘quirky’ life, and just…let her live it.

Here is my most popular novel. However I have more on my page so if you're interested, would be honoured for anyone to read them and possibly sub.

I think you'd like this novel I'm writing (unless you don't like unicorns). I just started publishing on Tapas and I appreciate you reading it :grinning:.

Okay I'll give it a try ... no pressure though.

Here is mine, just started though
ISEKAI Genre

Not sure how will the ~5 pages work since I've converted mine to mobile format, and the first chapter is made out of 30 A4 pages, but here we go? ¯_(ツ)_/¯ (sci-fi, queer, mystery)

Here you go, hope you like it! If not, see you around, I guess and thanks for taking the time.

Hope you'll find it interesting

....mkay.
The comic series is called The King of Roo.
Brief synopsis.
Religious Kingdom is under huge tensions
Cult arises.
Prince sets out to find legendary armor to stop potential civil war.
Cult wants him dead and wants to use the civil war to utterly destroy the kingdom.

...so, its worth every penny!

https://tapas.io/series/King-of-Roo

+react
Imma try and update past the Sample episode 15, cause the sample is simply me drawing a scene from Part Two of the book. (God Willing)

Here is my novel if you're still doing this ^_^ I appreciate any feedback!

Genre: romance, fantasy, drama
A slowburn with supernatural and mafia-esque twists.

Would love it if you gave mine a go, if you're still doing these. Fair warning, though, I do think the first few chapters aren't my best work, but any feedback is appreciated, so +react.

ELEVENTH UPDATE! (Replies 104-114)

Godswater @hjpetersonauthor
=I read the whole first chapter straight through, and I gotta say it was excellent. A little slow-paced but not enough to be boring, thankfully. The Watcher is really interesting, and just in general the world of the story feels real and ‘alive’, with lots of elements that I can’t wait to hear more about.

When Death Meets Chaos @uglygirlnextdoor
=Okay, so…I think the most important quality for any poem to have is a pleasant sound. You can do this by trying to make it rhyme, making rhythmic syllable combinations, breaking up words and sentences in interesting ways…
…I see none of that here. =/ It kinda looks like you just formatted normal prose into stanzas without any kind of technique in mind…and the obvious grammatical errors throughout make it hard to take the writing seriously. If by some slim chance you’re doing that on purpose…don’t. I think the poem will read a lot better if your grasp of English isn’t in question.

Life in Polaroids @ApplesOverIndia
=In a word: unnatural.
Neither of the characters feel like real people, to the point where it’s hard to maintain interest in what the narrator is saying. She’s desperate enough to run away from her old life without a dime to her name, but she’s willing to trust a complete stranger at the drop of a hat?? This ‘manic pixie dream girl’, to borrow a phrase from a commenter, doesn’t even bother to tell her anything about herself beforehand. Like, at least if they had some time to bond before they teamed up, I could believe it, but all she does is order some food and say “I got money, brb”…which feels suspiciously like a plot convenience. =/

And speaking of the MPDG: her lines in particular are very unnatural; and even if she is meant to fit into that stereotype, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve better characterization.
I think you should go over her lines and try to re-write them from her perspective: what is she running from? What does she think when she sees this crying girl in the restaurant; what does she expect from her? How does she plan to convince her to trust her (believe it or not, most real people DO need to be convinced to let a stranger into their car and run off to god-knows-where with them, especially if they are already in a vulnerable position, which MC girl seems to be).

Your writing style is pretty good, but the content itself just doesn’t live up to it IMO. Fortunately, that’s fairly easy to improve.

Run @HikaruJinx
-The formatting of the speech bubbles really needs work…for one thing, you should center the text within them. Speech bubbles are round; they don’t need straight-line margins.
For another thing, no one likes to read a huge block of text all in one sitting. Downsizing the text to force everything to fit in one panel just makes it worse…break up the dialogue, please.
-The actions of the characters are also very hard to read. Portraying movement in a comic is a language all its own, and it doesn’t look like you understand it at all yet. So that’s an area you’ll probably want to study in the future.
=Basically, this comic looks pretty amateurish in almost every way possible. It’s readable, but there’s LOTS of room for improvement, to say the least.

Hello! Would love if you gave our comic a try. Only the first episode is available right now on Tapas, but you can go over to Webtoons if you want to read the second episode as well.

I hope you like it.

Hi! Please read my novel and subscribe! Leave a comment too! Tell me what you think about it!

Hi!Here are two that I promote feel free to comment.Hope you enjoy!!!Thanks btw for the thread​:blush:

Realizing I never replied here even though I thought I did--
But better later than never, right? I'm still trying to figure out how exactly the pacing/formatting is going to be so I appreciate some feedback.

Oh, I would LOVE to read what you'd have to say about my fantasy-horror series... Unfortunately it takes a while to get going, but please, please read it!

Hi! Here's mine. Would like to hear your thoughts on Izzy! Thanks.

22 days later

TWELFTH UPDATE! (Replies 115-131)

Dianchian @Lemon_Demon
=I think this novel suffers from an oddly…detached writing style. Like, it feels almost like you’re going out of your way to avoid creating an immersive experience.
Like in Chapter 2, when you spend all that time describing what a new character is wearing, and then just suddenly drop that whoever he’s looking at is his ‘nephew’ as the only identifier of who this character is.
Like, if we need to know, why not just say that someone’s uncle walked in?? Why make it so cryptic and unnecessarily confusing…?
To give another example, this line: “The girl looked like she was about to facepalm”.
It’s purposely abstract…to “look” like you are about to facepalm is so much more nebulous than…actually facepalming. Or frowning, or sighing, or other actual expressions that are associated with exasperation. But instead of using any of those, you choose to describe her as being about to make an expression. Why??
All in all, it results in a novel that’s almost ‘uncanny’ to read…between this and the lack of setting description or even movement description, it feels more like a rushed string of events than an actual story.

When the Leaves Fall @gabrielabittenocurt
-POWERFUL beginning. Holy moly O_O
-This is one of the first novels I’ve read here where, although the language isn’t 100% correct proof-reading-wise, the words flow really well and are pleasant to read. It does get a little confusing at certain ‘poetic’ moments, but overall it’s not bad.
=Interesting setting, strong dialogue, well-formed characters. ^^ I think you have a great story here, and I wish you luck with it in the future~

The Sound of You @littlelilylee5683
-Maybe it’s because I already know French, but the way you sneakily translate every phrase used within in the next couple of lines is just…it feels odd. Like, I admire the skill, but whyyyyy
=It’s a nice book. Doesn’t really capture my attention, but it’s pleasant to read, I guess. The side characters feel a little hollow and NPC-ish, but I think you have a strong MC.

Grim Reaper in Training @summermcallen
-Composition: Excellent~
-Art: OK
-Dialogue: OK-ish
=It’s not a ‘perfect’ comic, but I like it so far. The characters feel pretty lovable already, and although their dialogue is a little clunky, it seems to reflect their personalities well. ^^

Dragens Den @Fox_Den7
=Mmm…ok-ish? It has a pretty amateurish feel (which is kind of exacerbated by the ‘hey this is a serious comic’ announcement at the beginning…) and the beginning is a bit dull…for 5 pages worth of material, nothing much seems to…happen. The flashback picks up the pace a little, but with the skill level of the drawings it’s difficult to tell what’s actually happening without a second or third look…

Welcome to Hell @techstylesstudio
-…Ngl, this feels less like a coherent comic and more like an excuse to repeatedly draw a sexy demon girl with comically large boobs. =/
=I can tell there’s supposed to be humor in this, but it just doesn’t feel like you’re trying very hard; it’s so basic…I mean, the whole premise is a little basic, but you could easily do something creative with it. Doesn’t look like that’s happening, though…
…Also, typos. Typos EVERYWHERE

Think maybe you can take a look at my series?

:o Thank you for this! I hope you can check my novel out if you have time! ^^

Hi!!! here is mine

tapas

Webtoon (two more eps)

hope you enjoy it!!!

Thanks for the feedback! :blush: I'm not sure how far you read, so I don't what to say about the side characters. I write in third person, but I do try to stick to one character's point of view. I suppose that limits the development of other characters. I'll try to work on that. Sorry it didn't interest you, but I'm glad it's maybe an easy read? At least my MC is good. :sweat_smile:

The translating without translating is for all the people who don't speak French, I guess. I didn't want to sacrifice that part of the character, but also didn't want people to miss what was said most of the time. Perhaps I don't need that and the reader can just not know.