Professional Editor Giving Novel Critiques [CLOSED]

[emrowene]

Hello everyone! I just hit 50 followers on my fantasy novel, Fractured Magic! I've been on Tapas a little over two weeks now and the kindness I've seen in the community here is astounding.

Fractured Magic | Tapas

As such, I want to give back. I've held several editorial positions at publishing houses and have also worked with self-publishing authors as a freelance developmental editor. For three novels that catch my attention in the replies below, I'll read the first five episodes of your story and provide you with a critique. This critique may include comments on pacing, characterization, grammar, etc - basically, anything that catches my attention as I read.

I prefer fantasy and/or lgbtq stories, but anything could catch my eye. Please comment with:

Genre
A short blurb
A link to your story

And I'll select the three winners on June 2. (And please check out my story while you wait for winners to be announced!)

[Lazu]

Hi! Congrats on the 50 subs!
And thank you so much for doing this. I hope you see something you like (And that it's okay to post two)

Title: I'm the Prince's beard
Genre: Comedy/Fantasy/Isekai/LGBTQ+
Blurb:

In the novel Amy is reading, her favorite BL-Fanfic-writer-turned-author kills the only gay representative?
How dare the author do that, forgetting all about the BL fanfic roots from which they came?
But all of a sudden, in best isekai-style Amy is INSIDE the novel and decides to save the prince and his gay ass!
But how will Amy manage when she suck at proper etiquette, doesn't have any BL books, and can't have pant-less days eating chips?

I'm the Prince's beard | Tapas

Title: The Transfer student
Genre: LGTBQ+/Drama/Slice of life
Blurb:

Winter doesn't really get life, just as life doesn't seem to get Winter. What he does know for sure is, that even though his body, his parents and everyone around him says he is female, he knows at his heart he is male.
Cutting himself off from his overly-christian parents, he decides to enroll in an all-boys school.

Here he has to hide who he really is, while having never felt so much like himself.

But can Winter really run from his past? Can he hide from his classmates? And what's with that ridiculously sweet guy he has to share rooms with?

Follow Winter as he navigates through life, identity, sexuality and a past that keeps breathing down his neck.

The Transfer Student | Tapas

[EterPaladin]

Hey! Thank you for doing this! Mine is in the fantasy/romance (bl) genre.

The collision of two worlds. What happens when a human and a sorcerer cross paths? And what is the reason for their encounter?
https://tapas.io/series/The-Other-Side-of-the-Mirror-

[DogshitJay]

Hey Em! That's cool, I didn't know you were an editor! I'd love to hear your feedback on my story. I'm new to creative writing. (switching from copywriting)

Genre:

LGBTQ+ Romance

Blurb:

Boy loves girl, boy loves boy too?

With a deadbeat job and a struggling long distance relationship, Inho’s quarter-life crisis takes him across the world to win his girlfriend back. When that fails, a chance encounter with her rich, attractive, and kink-obsessed boss Stephen leaves him questioning his own desires. Does Inho want to become Stephen, or sleep with him?

Kiss It Better | Tapas

[KiabIce]

I will pose here when I have edited my story enough. Right now it's a script and it's messy. Thanks for your input.

[NatAberdeen]

Title: Nathaniel Aberdeen's Incomplete Biography of Revenants Anthology: Plainwood One
Genre: Comedy, mystery, slice of life, with some fantasy elements
Blurb:

Plainwood: a town so far away and secluded that people developed their own sense of culture and normality: that there's an ethereal explanation for everything. Their mayor, Matt Kennett, is especially driven up the wall by fears of ghosts intruding and corrupting. Interestingly enough, as soon as the mysterious Natalie Aureole comes and starts squatting in the house next door to "the house with the hand on top," a handful of odd and destructive events start happening. In between it all, there's a sibling pair living in that bad-omen hand-house, a girl whose family's street got destroyed on Halloween, a dedicated ghost hunter, two stones cut to look like left hands, and mysterious notes written by an unknown man.

NAIBRA: Plainwood One | Tapas

[violin]

Title: A Tokyo Summer
Genre: Fantasy/Drama/Slice-of-life
Blurb:

A student, a delinquent, a thief, a mysterious businessman... and an unsuspecting girl. In a semi-magical and semi-futuristic Tokyo, what will befall this motley gang? How did their paths cross? And where will they be going? Read on to enter a fantastical world...

A Tokyo Summer | Tapas

[k5rakitan]

Genre: Fanfiction, Romance
Husband and I are thinking we could pull a "Fifty Shades" on this and turn it into original fiction someday, but Seto Kaiba is my muse, and he's an arrogant prick, so I'm going to wait until I'm finished with the story to go down that path.

For lgbtq+, it depends on if you consider polyamory under + in lgbtq+ or not. Some people do and some don't, so I'll leave that up to you.

Blurb: When CEO Seto Kaiba propositions Joan, she expects a one-night stand, but he and his brother keep coming back for more. Now the Kaiba brothers want an heir from her and will pay any price to get it. How do Joan’s husband and boyfriend feel about her new profession? More importantly, how do they handle public scrutiny?

Kaiba's Prostitute | Tapas

[Drewbie]

Congrats on the subs! Also you can decide if you want to skip the prologue. I'm still deciding if I want to keep it. (That is if I get picked)

Genre: Fantasy
A short blur:
A kings duty is to protect his country and its citizens. What happens when that king decides to start hunting the very thing he is supposed to protect?

God's Vessel | Tapas

[ratscout]

Title: Inheritance

Genre: Fantasy, drama, LGBTQ.

A short blurb: Eory is a descendant of a long line of evil fairy kings who ruled over the human kingdom of Maribel. His family was dethroned by the human king Laurence, who had Eory's remaining family members beheaded. Eory was saved by Kori, who promised King Laurence that she would do her utmost to rehabilitate Eory if Laurence spared him. Laurence agreed, and at age six, Eory was imprisoned in a tower where he would not be a threat to others. He spent twelve years in the tower being rehabilitated by Kori, who made promises to Eory that he would one day be freed if he could prove that he was not wicked like his predecessors before him. This seemed like an impossible task until Kori arrives at his tower one day and tells him that King Laurence will set him free if he can behave at the ball for one night.

Can Eory overcome the evilness that seems embedded in his veins and prove that he is not a threat to society?

A link to your story:

Inheritance | Tapas

[An_Alias]

Hello and congratulations

Title: Boil Frogs Slowly
Genre: Drama/mystery/thriller/LGBT
Blurb: A foster kid gets sent back to a boys home in a small town where he reunites with old friends and a few new ones. When a local girl turns up dead it becomes apparent that not all of his friends are who they appear to be.
Link: https://tapas.io/series/Boil-Frogs-Slowly

[ivanskilling]

Congrats on 50 subs!! And thanks for doing this!
Hope you don't mind if I post two.

Title: Devil's Triangle
Genre: Mystery, Drama, Psychological

Blurb: Unravel the secrets and mysteries hidden in a small town through the eyes of a singer, a policeman, and a school counselor. Clues to the subsequent murders are hidden in human relationships of the past and the dark abyss of the Internet!

Devil's Triangle | Tapas

Title: Dark Bytes
Genre: Scifi, Action, Thriller

Blurb: Dystopia. Scifi. Action. Three common themes shared by a collection of short stories. This is the dark bytes - where humanity is transformed by cold and clinical bits.

Dark Bytes | Tapas

[SilverLugia456]

Congrats on the 50 Subs and I think that is an awesome idea.

Genre: Fantasy, Action, Suspense, Mystery
A short blurb

A pirate's life is determined by his code and actions, however their history is said to be recorded in the legendary Pirate's Chronicle.

Captain Ryo Astrals, a man aiming to be the pirate king, finds himself washed up on a shoreline with no memories after a fierce battle. He isn't alone though, he is found by a local, Axel Reyes. The balance of the world has begun to dissolved. Now wars are breaking out all over between Royal Forces and Pirates. They decide to set sail and locate the legendary Pirate's Chronicle to end the wars.

This journey will lead Ryo to discover his true past, as well as a truth that will change Axel's life forever.

The Pirate's Chronicle | Tapas

[KazeRaihi]

This seems like an opportunity I can't pass up.

Genre: Fantasy

Preview: The series follows the journey of 16 year old Kazuna Katsuchi. He had grown weary of the assassin life so he decided to heed the advice of his late grandfather and attend school, where he intends to search for a way to atone for the sins of his past. As he embarks on this journey, he will face many trials and tribulations that will lead to the answer of the question he had no idea he was looking for as well as making friends with people unexpectedly.

https://tapas.io/series/An-Assassins-Respite

[RyzaCobalion]

Congrats on reaching 50 subs!
And it's always good to get some critiques. And i do hope you enjoy my series as it is a dark fantasy genre mixed in with some dark humor. There's some hiccups here and there but i don't think that would be enough to ruin the experience.

Title: The Dark Children of The Night.

Genre: Dark Fantasy, Horror, and Comedy

Blurb: While walking home from the store, a young boy found two strangers dressed in black. The strangers offered to help in which the boy agrees to let them help him and in return, the boy let them stay at his home for a couple of days. But then after a unfortunate encounter, the boy learned that these strangers aren't that human on the surface. And when they spotted him learning their secret they didn't take it well. They held him hostage and the boy learned they were a bigger group that could barely comprehend. What are they gonna do next? Kill him? Eat him?

The Dark Children of the Night | Tapas

[doriantorres112]

Congrats on the 50 subs, and only 2 weeks! that's an impressive progress.
Title: Caesar's Attraction
Genre: LGBTQ
A short blurb: Caesar Camacho finally came out to his family and while it was expected to receive negative judgement due to his sexuality. It doesn't stop him from openly expressing the true nature of his attraction and that's dating his childhood friend and neighbor, Michael Collins.
A link to your story:

Caesar's Attraction | Tapas

[IsobelLynx]

Hi there.
Congrats on getting a quick sub count. Teach me your magic, oh, master.

I would love to get some feedback.

Genre: High Fantasy/Skypunk
A short blurb: Ansgarde believes that dragons are not extinct. If only she can break their curse, she will fly with a dragon among islands floating in the sky.
A link:

DragonSky | Tapas

[Zaboem]

I am not requesting an edit. I just want to thank you for offering your service in this way.

[thedude3445]

This is extremely nice

[Harmony-S-S]

Why not?

Here's my story, and congrats on reaching 50 subs!!!

Title
Dragon Tamer

Genre
Fantasy

Blurb
Dragons are creatures of great power. They cannot be controlled, but they can be tamed. Only one person has ever accomplished this, the Dragon Tamer.

Link

Dragon Tamer | Tapas