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Jan 2021

Do you have a dark story that you want reviews on? Do you want reviewers you know can handle it? Then this is the place to be!

Rules:
You must review a work
If you can't handle what your reading, that's okay, just find another work to review
It's okay to skim over intense violence or NSFW, just don't be mean about it.
Be wary if you are not in a good headspace, this is a thread for dark/depressing/twisted works.
Please list the brand of "dark" that your story is, (AKA, use trigger warnings)

Enjoy my fellow weirdos!

  • created

    Jan '21
  • last reply

    Jan '21
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Here's my novel, the trigger warnings are as follows:

heavy arguing
bleak premise
characters are very mean to each other
ma not be suitable for those who have experienced domestic abuse

14 days later

Hi!
I'm up for it...how many chapters to review you had in mind?
My story is semi-dark I'd say...has violence but it's not the main focus, also there are some darkish things inside....
see if you find it interesting enough and we can do some swaps...

I read your first three chapters! You have a gift for perspective and your story flows beautifully. The way one thought moves to the next feels like an authentic stream of consciousness, Like I'm actually in the protagonist's head. The emoting is done perfectly and every plot-point has real weight. Something about it almost feels nior-esque.

Hello!
I am almost done with this one and appreciate as much feedback as I can get before I go through and edit.
The main genre is a thriller with sub-genres of drama, mystery, and horror. I'm looking mostly for feedback on the consistency/appeal of my characters/plot and word flow, but any feedback is great. Feel free to be blunt.
I'm also down to do a critique swap!

Hey! I'd love a review! It's a dark fantasy that starts off with a sacrifice.

I had enough time to do a brief overlook of everyone here so far so:

@An_Alias I'm not great at critiques, but I really like the title, and you can get a pretty good feel for the characters right out the gate. Beyond that your pacing and flow is good, and your descriptions do really well in setting the overall tone.

@Pony_wearing_a_hat I really love your character interactions, and I find it easy to grow attached to them. The way the characters' backstories end so far does a good job trauma bonding them. Overall, I love the humor in it!

@Nin The pacing of your story is good, and the motives and ambitions are clear. The story really does feel like the fighter's diary as well, and overall it's interesting!

Hello!
The premise is interesting! I've left a comment about how it reminds me of the beginning to Mr. Burns, a post-electric play. The initial intrigue is rooted in finding out how the world got to be the way it is and how the inhabitants are surviving, but quickly redirects to the shorter stories told by the group of survivors. It reads as a character study more so than a traditional story-telling format, which I enjoy and think is interesting.

The introduction scene paints a good mood/tone. It's heavy and hopeless, but in a nihilistic sort of way.

The characters themselves are comedically unlikable (unsympathetic might be the right term? They're charmingly infuriating). Sometimes the arguing gets to be a bit repetitive and focuses too much on a single insult or phrase, which slows down the flow for me personally.

I'm interested to see if one of these character had a hand in bringing on this apocalypse. I don't know if this is what you have planned, but it would be really cool if this was slowly revealed through other characters stories/points of view leading up to the reveal!

Your story plops the reader into the perspective and all the character introductions make you feel like they're people you already know. It kind of reminds me of the middle chapters of the book LOOT, which is an all time favorite of mine. Your characters stand out just the right amount for me, and the atmosphere and mood are perfection.

Thank you! I left you my comments and a longer review below the chapters. I enjoyed reading your book so far. I think it has a great potential and hopefully more people will get to know it and read it.

I've recently rewrote the published chapters of my novel (I especially am looking to see what y'all might think of the beginning, but the whole gig is okay haha!). Full CW are in my tags of course, but domectic and emotional abuse and mental health decline are key themes. I made the first chapters a bit different than the previous slow buildup I did, so if y'all could help a gurl out?

I very much love how your title matches the flow of your story! I really do feel like I'm reading the actual accounts of a fighter and I find that very pleasant to read. So far chapter 3 was my favorite!

Would you believe me if I said I had hopes for more gorey details at the sacrifice part haha! I very much loved the beginning, though I wanted more agonizing uh...details? XD I'm weird, I know, but other than that I very much loved it! It may have been a little too faced paced for me as I still looked around for more whys and hows but I really enjoyed it still. :smiley:

What I especially like about your story is how I actually am in need of the next chapter for more understanding. I've had novels in which too much might be put into one chapter all at once, but I like how you pace yours. I was able to read everything of your novel haha! It helps me too as English isn't my native language so I love it when I can keep up with the writing style.

I am familiar with domestic abuse though, but I was able to get by your novel just fine. I might be a little weird i nthe head as I actually enjoyed your characters' bickering, oh dear. XD

Thank you! I appreciate you looking through it.
It looks like there are a few different books titled Loot, could you let me know which author it is? I'll put it on my reading list!

Hah! That's ok, I feel the same about To Kill A Mockingbird and Penpal. Added to my library list!

Thanks for looking at mine! I'm also not great at critiques, but it takes practice.

I read the first chapter of yours and I like the dual perspective cutting between the sacrifice scene and the deity's conversation. It introduces the story really effectively. This might just be me, but in the beginning, the boy doesn't seem to be fighting the fact that he's being sacrificed. The lack of struggling made me assume that he'd accepted it to some degree and that was culturally appropriate in the setting. This made his decision, in the end, seem sudden and a little out of nowhere.
I like how your magic system is set up! The gold filling his injury gave a good visual that reminded me of Kintsugi. The metaphor of that here is also pretty neat. I also really like that the gods are doing all of this out of boredom.