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satarestar777
Sep '22

I have tried writing a novel but the thing is that I don't know if it is going in the right direction.
That is the reason I want some harsh reviews from you guys. You may find this crazy but for me harsh reviews are more motivating. You can even roast me. But please at least be constructive about those criticisms.
Thank you in advance.

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    Sep '22

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    Oct '22
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candiedcotton
Sep '22

Right off the bat, it reads a bit awkwardly for me. The flow just feels a bit clunky. When it comes to writing, I think one of the biggest things writers don't do that they absolutely must, is to read the story out loud to themselves. It should feel like you're just reciting a story to a friend (particularly when the story is in third person) or something like that. If it doesn't, you need to work on the flow. It will also help you find spots that need to be reworked.

There's also a lot of issues with sentence structure. Lacking of commas where they should be, basic grammar and things of that nature.

MShadowlawn
Sep '22

You wanna get chewed out? I'm quite happy to oblige.

Ew, basically zero usage of paragraphs.
Ew, opening things with a protracted info dump with very little to spice it up.
And to make things even more annoying, the info dump in part 1 doesn't even feel cohesive; it feels like the kind of thing a writer spits out when they need to articulate their own thoughts instead of something that looks 'in order' enough to be meant for a reader's eyes. The most amusing part is how you mentioned that only one demon survived, and then immediately said that he had other demons accompanying him. Like, what? My main advice for part 1: Focus and clean it up. Get it to be cohesive, coherent, and preferably concise. And maybe add a little style if you're up for it.

Really, the other two parts also suffer from an utter lack of polish and refinement. But on another note, your description mentions the gimmick which isn't really introduced in chapter 1 anywhere. ANOTHER note, 6'3 is actually considerably tall by IRL standards.

NellieVP318
Sep '22

Your story needs a lot of work, at least by the first chapter. I didn't pull me into the story or world you are trying to create. The lack of paragraphs made it also hard to read and follow. I couldn't stay in engage with the chapter.

Agreeing with the other post, it feels like an info dump rather than setting up the story. The first chapter overall would help a lot if the introduction had some set scene before the story starts.

KUUPID
Sep '22

Okay so...

First off, visually, it's just one HUGE paragraph-- or it looks like it, at least. I suggest you break it down into smaller paragraphs so that your story flows better and isn't too daunting for the audience to read.

Second, your sentences sound very choppy(?) and there's no flow that really connects them together. I suggest you go back, re-read what you wrote and try to see how you can connect your ideas together for a better flow of the story.

And, like the others have said in this thread, it seems like you're just dumping everything out instead of world-building. I suggest you try to incorporate your character(s)'s (or narrator) perspective on the situation-- something that will give the reader a better idea of what you're trying to convey, rather than just dumping all the information onto the audience.

One tip/ suggestion: outline the general direction of your story. It'll help you plan out what you want to happen without feeling overwhelmed with getting down all the details! :blush: Good luck~

1 month later

closed Oct 26, '22

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