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Aug 2016

Granted, your screen is as good as new... well... except for one annoying dead pixel...

I wish to move on from my obsession with sandwiches.

Granted, but every night you dream of anthropomorphic sandwiches pulling on you and begging for your love again, and every morning when you wake up you feel guilty for wishing away that obsession.

I wish my cheap dollar-store earbuds would last forever.

Granted. You will be forever blessed by their scratchy, poorly balanced dynamics.

I wish that this thread will reach 500.

This thread reaches 500 then 100 then 1000 then 10000 until it breaks a hole in reality from too many posts.

I wish I didn't have ELA homework

Granted. Instead you have ELO homework and have to name all their songs in 1 minute.

I wish my bathroom was connected to my room, rather than being down the hall

Granted, but unfortunately due to the nature of unspecific wishes the room the wish chose was your attic. Let's hope you no longer have a bat problem up there...

I wish Steven Universe would never go on hiatus, but somehow magically the team could still go on vacation.

Granted. While the team goes on vacation, they are replaced with a bunch of hyper-active three year olds. As you can guess, the show's quality takes a bit of a dip.

I wish for a delicious dinner.

Granted. While feasting on a delightful dinner in a restuarant, you decide you want to call the chef over to thank the person. Who came out of the kitchen was none other than Hannibal Lecter, you canni-bal-ieve it.

I wish its fall already.

It's fall already and lots of mammals die because they have no time to hibernate...

I wish someone would never grant this wish...

Granted, but since the wish was granted for the wish to not be granted, a paradox is created puncturing a hole in space-time and allowing the Great Ones to filter down and conquer the Material Realm.

I wish the Great Ones would grant me favor for opening up the portal. Ia! Cthulhu Ftahgn!

1 month later

Wish granted!
Except Great Old Ones become sohorrified of our world after they see it , that they shut the portal and are never seen again.

I wish for the weather to stop being such a shit.

Granted! The weather stops being "a shit" and becomes gallons of shit falling from the sky endlessly.

I wish for an umbrella.

wish granted
but under the umbrella is Rhianna sparring with Chris Brown

i wish for donald trumps daughter

You get an A on your exam. But your parents are strict Asian parents and beat you for not getting and A++...

Also your dad uses his fists this time, and not his belt...

I wish that this wish was corrupted by a wish corrupter...

@lukas3 Granted! But the wish-corrupter takes offence to your cunning and decides to interpret your wish as a 'free-for all'. You can now only eat food after you answer twenty riddles, if you fail even one you will go hungry for twenty hours.

I wish I could make every racist person in the world suddenly learn all the knowledge they need to know about every race. Or just give me a big house or whatever.....

When they gain that knowledge, they become even more racist.

I wish for a cream cheese bagel...

Granted, but it's onions and chives flavored cream cheese and a rye bagel
(Maybe you like that but I don't, uh!)

I wish my iPad wouldn't run out of batteries

Granted, your iPad now runs on yodeling power, you must constantly yodel non-stop to use your iPad

I wish I had photographic memory.