Have you ever hated yourself/your work?

[aqua03]

This has something I've been struggling with for a long time regarding my works like the Dragoons or ToP or any of my "serious" works: This constant feeling of feeling "not good enough" or "am not a good enough person" to do my projects and ideas I have in my head justice if that makes sense.

I always struggle and feel unsatisfied with my stuff no matter how much I progress and grow with my work because I feel like I'm not good enough or not a good person and thus anything I come up with on my own isn't "good enough" either and that I think I'm projecting my own self hatred onto others thinking they only pretend to like me and are only complimenting me to be polite in a "Mommy thinking son's doodle they made in five seconds is a masterpiece to be encouraging" if that makes sense.

I hate this constant reassurence seeking, it's caused my life as a whole to stagnate more or less it feels.

Have you guys ever struggled with this type of self loathing as well? Thanks

[abigaillmartin]

Yeah but that’s only when I had something in the past. I look back at my old and most directions that I did would not work with my stories today. Even my last draft of Cracking Eggs (not the one I’m writing now) I hated because it was really weird and so many plot holes but to be fair at the time it was a time where I was experimenting with my stories. Another thing was a very specific character I created named Knox. At first he was one of my favorites to write about but overtime and looking back now I wrote him as a jerk I just grew to not like him as a character anymore. A redemption arch might have helped but I already finished his story up. After a tarnished character I just stopped writing about him. Recently I did actually came back to him taking this to my advantage but once again his story was left on the shelf due to shift of interests. I guess I wasn’t as into it as I used to be. I have other projects that I would like to pursuit with characters I actually enjoy writing and there’s nothing wrong with that.

[XiuLyn_12]

Of course. As an artist/authors, we will struggle and hate our work.
It's hard for me to watch my old episodes without cringing. I feel like deleting it so my readers won't have to suffer from it.
But my readers may still be able to see my progress even if they cringe.
I tried to stay positive about my work, so hopefully I won't give up. You should too~

[JaveCraze]

yes constantly
However.. this is the only way that I can deliver my story. No matter how flawed it is, it existing is better than it not existing to me. It's something tangible. Making something mediocre is still better than not making anything at all. However, as the pages continue to pile on, I feel a bit less bad about it, because I get to diversify and experiment more, and I get to see my gradual improvement. Many people hide it, but yes, they experience this too. If you really want to bring your story to life, keep working in spite of these feelings.

[AKG]

Absolutely. Full stop.

I don't know if that every fully ends for some creators, you just get better at setting it aside. All that matters is that you're doing your best and doing something you love! I remind myself that often.

[MaxFF]

I feel bad about my work all the time. You're definitely not the only one. I pretty much gave up on drawing for awhile because I thought I was terrible.

[TheLemmaLlama]

I personally haven't struggled with this in regards to my work, but:

I think I'm projecting my own self hatred onto others thinking they only pretend to like me and are only complimenting me to be polite in a "Mommy thinking son's doodle they made in five seconds is a masterpiece to be encouraging" if that makes sense.

I hate this constant reassurence seeking, it's caused my life as a whole to stagnate more or less it feels.

I feel this. Hard. I've worried about being a bad person and no reassurance of the contrary I get from others is convincing. Again, my hangups weren't actually art related, but I relate to being trapped in this particular spiral.

Don't take what I'm about to say as absolute advice I'm telling to follow, as I'm well aware it's not stuff that you can just wake up one day and do. And it might not work out for everyone. Just ... here's what's helped me:

Stopping myself from seeking assurance
In my case, I guess I was 'lucky' in that I felt unsafe seeking reassurance about my particular hangups, so it was 'easy' to stop myself, in a way. But not many people are going to shit on a creator who's insecure about their work, particularly if they're creators themselves. And that's great! But it does make it incredibly difficult to resist seeking reassurance, when there's no equal and opposite force to push back against that urge.

The fact that you find the reassurance unconvincing^ might actually be a good thing, as harsh as it is to say. I also found it helped to ask myself: if I got the reassurance I'm craving right now, would it actually make me feel better? If the answer is 'no', it makes it easier to stop myself. But if you get genuine relief from that reassurance, it's easier to stay hooked on it, if it that makes sense. This is not to say that it's true that people are only complimenting you be nice - just that if you feel that way ... you can leverage this.

Accepting uncertainty
What got me though this is convincing myself that even if my fears were actually true and I AM a terrible person, it's not the end of the world. Looking practically at the implications of this worst case scenario, nothing bad actually happens. No-one gets hurt. It's okay.

So in your case, think about what would happen if you ARE actually a bad person, made a bad work and butchered all your precious ideas? Who gets hurt? What gets destroyed? Can it be repaired? Let your mind run free and don't shy away from uncomfortable possibilities, otherwise you'll probably not feel very convinced if you do conclude that actually, it's probably going to be okay. But take your time. Don't feel like you have to do this all at once.

Also, not trying to diagnose an internet stranger here, but I recommend looking online and reading about people's experiences with OCD (e.g. on r/ocd). I'm not sure I had OCD myself, but I found a lot of it quite relatable and helpful

---

^ I get the feeling this is kind of like building up a tolerance to a drug, and you'll need higher and higher doses to satisfy the craving. Which would usually be bad, but fortunately you can't overdose on reassurance

[DNoble]

You are always improving, even if you don't realize it. Sometimes the thing that needs to improve isn't your ability to draw in and of itself, and that's not only okay, it's pretty much unavoidable.

I can't speak to hating yourself, that's like a whole-ass other conversation, but when it comes to your work, know that this is natural, it will pass, and your art is getting better. Sometimes you just don't notice it.

[Kelheor]

Not good/worthy enough? Yes.
Hate? Well, I guess at my low points, yeah.
That's why I love having a lot of projects, some of which I can't/won't share with people.
If I am at my lowest, I will most likely go and take a break, because I know at this point I am completely useless (yes, it can take some time). If I am at my low, I can hate on something, but I can also go and lose myself in a bunch of sketches that won't ever become "something real".
Will this feeling of being not good enough ever go away? Maybe not, but you need to learn how to tame it then. If you are not satisfied with your skill, take time to perfect your skill, like really, take all of it. If you don't like your style, change your style, change it as many times as you want. Make new characters, make new worlds. Maybe I am not good enough person to do my projects, but I love my projects and they deserve me doing my best for them. Maybe not these 10 pages, but hey, this panel looks great.
If you don't love yourself yet, love your projects, no one else will make them and nurture them but you.

[Legendofgenii]

Not really hate, but I get frustrated and impatient with myself, especially when nothing seems to be working or I just can’t find the motivation to pick up my pen and draw.

[Lensing]

I feel embarassed by some creations and wish I wouldn´t have published them.
Some are ok and I´m proud of 5%.
I been training drawing (again) seriously since 7,5 years and I still suck,
I got better but I´m really slow. I try to draw things and I hate them because
they don´t look right.
But I try to use the self doubt as a driving force and it works

[thepenmonster1]

You, me, your moms, Obama, Ghengis Kahn, Wrath of Khan, Jesus and Mohamed. Even Kanye when he's listening to his doctors.

The only thing that matters is making.

And if it sucks, make it again. Then try again... And if that doesn't work go do something else. There's no point in being a damned fool about it.

[Takaki03]

Whenever I reread the old EPs of my story I always think I could do better. But then it was the best I could do at that time. Improvement is always a process and perfection is something you know you should achieve but never, in a millions, could, because once you've hit the perfection point of you old self you would ask for more of yourself. So now instead of "hating" my old work I turn this "hate" into my motivation to make better art one EP after another EP. Perhaps that will make you feel better too.

[darthmongoose]

I've definitely felt this before, and weirdly the thing that helps me the most is being around professionals.

I know that sounds weird, because you'd think that'd have the opposite effect; make you feel like "oh god, I'm such an imposter, I'm rubbish compared to these people!" but if you spend time around professional creators, you soon discover that, as you'd expect from statistics, most of them are mediocre. Hard-working, yes, and reliably better at drawing and writing than an average, untrained person, but often making mistakes, drawing things that come out awkward, writing jokes or plot beats that don't land... and even the most supremely talented ones often have weaknesses in other areas because they're just hyper-focused on being really good at one thing.

So when I'm feeling down, I remember that like... it's okay to be mediocre. I can strive to be better, but just making something and getting it out there, and successfully entertaining some people is already pretty good! Like that's something to be proud of!

[Melinda]

Honestly..? I never really like my work... i think i suffered quite severe low self-esteem problem and impostor syndrome :")
Whenever i look back at my works there're a lot of flaws and things i need to improve... sometimes it feels like it has no end and it frustrate me.
It might be because of those gap thing about taste and skill, i mean I know what good artwork is but somehow i can't make it cause my skill is not there yet. I often ask myself when will the day i'm satisfied with my artwork come... But i'm trying to change my mindset and just be faithful with the process.
Being a perfectionist is really not a good thing for life...

[TroyVSTheWorld]

Eh, we've all cringed at our own work before, its a sign of growth. I oftentimes think my illustrative craft needs a lot of work, and, it does! But I always remember that despite how difficult it its, the majority of people on this planet literally can't draw anything. That's not even factoring in all the ones who CAN draw and don't have access to artistic supplies.

The ability to create artwork is a privilege (whether it should or shouldn't be), don't ever forget that. Use it.

[AlchivoArte]

Yes I did.

But all I needed to do, was to find my creative muse and get my "Eye of The Tiger" back, or should I say: "Eye of The Dragon" ;p

[Nugtown]

Mostly. Sometimes I get self conscious and start thinking that other people think it's really boring, or that something is lacking or "it's too slow", i'm not doing enough, whatever it is I keep telling myself- It's too easy to let it get to my head, even when these are things i've never been told before. They're fears that it'll never be what I wished it was.
But when I read it and I love it, and I know i'm still in love with it, it's almost like those anxieties don't matter. I just do the best I can.

[AmazementComics]

My guy look, many artists feel the same as you. You’re feelings are valid, and It’s not fun.

Art and other creative endeavors are personal and that’s a wonderful thing. Comparison can become a problem and start to creep up, when we begin to value other people’s opinions OVER our own.

When my insecurities started to diminish it was when I decided that I would consult with myself first about how I feel about my art and other creative works. I also needed to learn to let go of perfectionism.

I stopped asking other people for their opinions and I also stopped looking at other people’s art.

Now, I know a lot of people say it’s important to stay plugged into a community of artists and also to share opinions, but I highly suggest tuning it all out while working on yourself. If you’re feeling insecure, it’s time to train and strengthen your mind. Your thoughts about how you feel about yourself and what you create can be strengthened. Once you begin to feel more confident then I’d suggest if and only then, reconsidering the idea of connecting with other people. Also, if you ask your fellow artists how they feel about their work, I’m sure they will tell you about their path to overcoming their insecurities. We all have them.

So… here are some things that helped me stop the comparison trap and begin to feel confident in myself:

1. Stop looking around. Turn it off.

2. Get to know yourself- become attuned to why you are creating art in the first place.

3. Practice creating in privacy and ask yourself first, what do I think about this? what’s the truth about what I made? What are the things I like about it? And perhaps you can even ask yourself how you’d like to improve, just be mindful and try your best to be nonjudgmental. Remember, most everyone you see making things is on a similar path of improvement.

4. Notice where you place your value. Do you value someone else’s opinion more than own opinion? Remember, art is subjective. Everyone is going to have a different opinion. Some people might look at the art that you compare yours to and think nothing of them. They might love or hate their art. The hard truth is this… not everyone is going to love what you create or what others create. So, perhaps start making art for yourself.

5. Read books about mindset and how to strengthen confidence within yourself.

Hope this helps.

[aqua03]

Also, not trying to diagnose an internet stranger here, but I recommend looking online and reading about people's experiences with OCD (e.g. on r/ocd). I'm not sure I had OCD myself, but I found a lot of it quite relatable and helpful

I actually have been diagnosed with that and I think that's one of the big things holding me back. If you know any reasources about that and artwork, please share. Thanks.